'Have a baby to help your symptoms' I don't want one yet!

[honeyhills]

Hi all, after GP saying my ultrasound is all clear (apart from normal looking cyst on left ovary), I spoke to my specialist to try and change the contraception I'm on (2x desogestral daily) as it's effecting my moods too much. This was the first time for her seeing my most recent ultrasound and she commented on how tilted my womb was and other symptoms etc and said very solemnly "how long have you been with your boyfriend?" and from the tone of her voice I knew what was coming. She went on to suggest she would strongly recommend trying to have the conversation with my boyfriend about trying to conceive sooner rather than later.

I'm 23 and currently studying at university and have only been with my partner for 8 months, babies are in no way on the cards currently, but I absolutely want them at some point in the future. She was understanding of the bad timing, but suggested that realigning my womb (by having a baby) could significantly help my symptoms.

My poor boyfriend didn't even consider children for the next 7-10 years, which I don't know if I'll have, so he's now taking time to think if he can make me wait that long or is it best for us to go our separate ways so I can have an opportunity to have a family some other way.

I'm at a complete loss and feel I have no one to talk to as this is such a bizarre situation to be in.

[CryBaby91]

Hi honeyhills, I'm sorry you've been left in such an impossible situation! I just wanted to share with you that I got pregnant at 17 after being with my partner just over a year, I had my first son at 18 and then we married when I was 21. We then managed to have a second child 6 years later when I was 24 he's 5 now. I know our situations are different, and all relationships are also very different, but I can tell you that in my case having a child young and early in the relationship was a benefit for us. We now have lots of time to look forward to together, I've started uni from home and both of us are looking forward to having our children mostly independent before we are 40 😁 so having kids early doesn't have to be a bad thing, especially when the relationship is good anyway. I knew I would be with my partner forever, I suppose that helped us decide what to do when we found out!

I know having kids young or early in a relationship can be daunting, and I know when you're studying the last thing you need is a screaming baby! So I can understand why you're both taking some time to think about it. Honestly it's a huge credit to both of you that you're discussing this all rationally! I think that speaks volumes that the man you have is very conscious of your feelings and will be very supportive of any decisions you both need to make. Just make sure you talk to each other as much as possible, even the hard things. And I'm sending lots of love your way, this must be awful and no one should have to make decisions like that because their body is turning against them. Lots and lots of hugs! Xxx

[honeyhills in reply to CryBaby91]

Thanks for your reply and support! Yes, I feel very lucky to have someone who isn't making rash decisions, we're both sitting talking, going away and thinking then talking again. It's all new and scary but patience is what is needed (despite the pressure of the progressive disease inside me!). We're the same that we know we want to be together and I think that's part of why my boyfriend is finding it so hard to understand, because he knows he wants to have kids with me, but feels so financially and emotionally not ready yet, which I understand because I feel the same. X

[CryBaby91 in reply to honeyhills]

Sorry for the late reply had a bad day yesterday! I can definitely understand the financial stuff, but I can also tell you that you don't have to spend a fortune on them and can definitely make things work if that's what you decide to do. With my first I couldn't get jobseekers because I was under 18, so we lived on £100 a fortnight until I was about 7 months pregnant, which was terrifying! We also had to pay bedroom tax because we had a spare room lol the baby room! That changed after we had him thankfully, we were then entitled to child tax credits and other benefits, which really helped. So financially there are safety nets, it's not mega money but it's definitely enough to keep things going. We do good financially now because my hubby has a good job but even so kids are expensive lol I don't think you can ever be financially ready unless you're a millionaire haha. I know lots of people who put off kids because of money, and my advice is always the same, even if you think your finances are perfect things can change in the future. Nothing is set in stone, you could be better or worse off, anything can happen money wise! So for me the only thing you should consider is if you both feel ready, money and material things can be sorted. Xxx

[Aurora20 in reply to CryBaby91]

I really needed to hear this! I’m kind of in the same situation, been with my partner 18 months now and I’m going to come off the pill soon to start for a baby (I’m 28) and the only thing making me think twice was financially we are not stable right now but you are so right you just make it work even if he has to work day and night! No one is ever ready unless like you said they are millionaires!! Hope your having a better day today xx

[CryBaby91 in reply to Aurora20]

Thanks sweetie, worse today but having to just grit my teeth bloody period is due in 2 days so i think my body is going nuts 😂

So glad I could help finances can and definitely do change and there's lots of money saving ways you can keep costs down, lots of new parents buy a million things they'll never even use lol especially clothing haha so you can save lots of money by getting cheap and cheerful for the first few months, they just poo, pee and sick on it all anyway 😂😂 xxx

[Aurora20 in reply to CryBaby91]

Oh god the worse time 😓 I just dread the days leading up to my period! Lots of rest and binge watching on Netflix that’s what gets me through it!

Exactly it’s just about making things work and saving, which we have started doing! The only thing is we don’t live together yet we are renting a place from October and I was going to come off the pill in September so I’m stressing there’s a lot going on in one time but it’s got to be done you just get on with it. So true 😂😂 they don’t even appreciate what they are wearing at such a young age anyway 😂 xxx

[Nikkky]

Hi. Personally I would ask for a gynae referral before making any life changing decisions. Then you can be seen and advised by a specialist in that particular field. I really wouldn’t act on the opinion of one G.P as they’re not always right. You might be told by another health professional that your anatomy is normal and you shouldn’t have any problems conceiving. It’s always worth getting as much information as possible. Good luck whatever you decide!

[honeyhills]

Thanks for your reply! Yes, I definitely agree that health professionals often have different opinions, but this is the gynae specialist that's said it to me, my GP said everything looked normal! It's hard to know what to believe any more. Strongly considering going private at this point.

[CryBaby91 in reply to honeyhills]

Forgot to ask, is your specialist BSGE registered? That can make a big difference! Xxx

[Nikkky]

You could ask to see another gynae specialist for a second opinion. I’ve seen lots of g.p’s and consultants over the last 20 years and it’s amazing the different things I’ve been told. I’ve found the best thing has been to educate myself as much as possible. It’s a big decision to make so spend some time researching.

[SraB]

They see so many women struggling with pregnancy later on, the advice is coming from good intentions.. I was on a similar situation due to fibroids. New boyfriend and all. We did it. We had a good feeling about it. 16 years later we are together and happy and only with one child, it really was my one and only chance.

[dodgeviperdiva]

hi hun how's u? I'm sorry to hear that ur suffering. I was told the same thing but I can safely say (in my experience) that after 3 kid's n my tubes tied (cause I couldn't physically handle another pregnancy), that it's bullshit! the symptoms were reduced through the first few months but when I started to put weight on the tearing sensations I would experience were horrific,! then when I gave birth my Symptoms came back with a vengeance! not to mention the complications, my 1st was born 6wks prem with complications from that, my 2nd was healthy but I almost bled to death. fortunately my 3rd was healthy and I pulled through safely.

I wish you all the best n please don't ever feel pressured into anything, especially pregnancy, it's not an easy job at the best of times but worse when pain is something you experience daily xxxx if u want to talk more please give me a shout 😂 xxx best of luck xxxx