Hi this is my first post, I hope it's appropriate to ask for such advice on this forum. I've struggled with endo symptoms for 10 years now but have only recently had doctors investigating that I may have endometriosis. The symptoms that come with trying new medications and treatments paired with the emotional stresses from the suspected diagnosis and what this will mean for me long term, has been a lot to deal with. I'm 6 months into a relationship and he's struggling to adjust to me feeling nauseous/fatigued/in pain so often.
I feel like a burden and I'm not sure how to navigate dealing with my own worries and health whilst educating and reassuring my partner.
Any advice for coming to terms with diagnosis and specifically in a relationship would be really appreciated. Thank you in advance.
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honeyhills
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Hi, first of all sorry to hear that you are going through difficult times. Welcome to the forum and I hope you find this a safe space for you to talk and personally I have found it very helpful.
I wanted to share a few tips I follow with my partner.
Have provided the official link for endo so they can read on their own.
I set time aside 10 min every other day to to talk about endo and how it makes me feel. Tell the other person that you just want to be heard.
We listen to poadcast together about endo,pelvic pain and other topics as a way of opening up the conversation.
I hope your partner has an empathetic personality as that does help
Welcome honeyhills! Of course this is the place where you can ask that, support is about way more than the condition itself.
So I've been with my husband just over 13 years and married for 7 years in December, relationships can be tricky when one of you is poorly. He's seen me in some bad states from the very beginning, and been on this journey with me the whole way through. But, i will say in the beginning he really struggled to understand what was wrong with me and I struggled to explain it. For us communication was the key, me opening up to him about my pain and him explaining to me what he didn't understand. He's looked at stuff online too which really helped him understand what's going on with me
Most of all just talk to him love, at the end of the day if he isn't going to be supportive then it is nothing that you have done wrong! Some people just can't wrap their heads around it, but that's not your fault. You are NOT a burden. If he cares then he will want to be there for you, so please never feel like you're a burden. Ask yourself if you would do the same for him if he was poorly? If the answer is yes then you're not asking for any more than you would be willing to give.
Thank you! It's definitely a tricky one to navigate through, especially when people (even more so men vs women) deal with things differently! I will make a conscious effort to communicate more often and clearer with him how I'm feeling, and try to not feel guilty about it! Thanks for your support x
Hi there. I was in a similar position to you a year or so ago when I had a new partner and also suspected endo. My boyfriend has always been really supportive. I’m just completely open and honest with him - even with symptoms that can be ‘embarrassing’ to talk about. He’s always been great but I really noticed this difference in his understanding when he took the time to read up and research it himself. Like the person above said, sending links to articles / well written pieces helps.
Hi. I’m currently in a relationship and awaiting diagnosis.
Me and my boyfriend have been together for 18 months and my endo pain started about 5 months into my relationship, when I went to A&E due to the pain.
It is hard for him to understand as he isn’t of the highest IQ. But whenever we are on phone and I’m in pain, I tell him. And he’s really understanding.
Whenever I’m doing my own research, I send him screenshots here and there soo he can have a read and we’re both being educated together - I would strongly recommend this.
He feels sorry for me, more than I feel sorry for myself!
I do feel like I’m always going on about endo and the difficulties it brings (possible infertility), to him. So sometimes I do keep a lot to myself as I don’t want to bore him. However whenever I tell him anything, he’s so happy to hear and give suggestions etc. He really reassures me and makes me feel like it is so much better to share than keeping it bottled up.
Thank you for your reply! Yes, I feel the same that I don't want to go on about it too much, but he'll be able to tell that I'm down and if I don't tell the truth that it's just endo, he ends up thinking that he's upset me which he hasn't! It's such a tricky thing to try and get the balance right of being honest and educating whilst not being overwhelming! x
My advice would be don’t let endo define you! Endo is a chronic disease that you are managing, it isn’t who you are. Your partner should be able to see that and support you in managing it.
Will there be difficult times - yes. All relationships go through difficult times (job loss, elderly parents, financial problems etc....). It’s how two people support and help each other that makes the relationship work.
It’s important he understands what it is but even more important is how he responds. Tell him what will help you:
1. Talking about it.
2. Heating up heat packs for you.
3. Words of support.
4. Light massage.
5. Running a bath for you.
6. Preparing dinner.
7. Watching silly videos if plans need to be cancelled to lift your mood.
8. Exploring sexual intimacy that doesn’t cause pain (if this is an issue)
9. Doing belly breathing together.
10. Doing things you both normally enjoy or a modified version if you are not well.
A good man will see beyond the disease and still see you. He will want to help you manage it.
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