Zero will to live

[Kembouz]

Hi everyone,

I haven’t been here in a while. Life is crazy. I was diagnosed with endometriosis in 2018, I used Zoladex for six months and I’ve been on other progestin meds since then. Here is the thing, the pain never goes. Pain wakes me up in the morning and follows me to bed at night. I use pain killers of course, but it is such a horrible way to live.

I am a licensed pharmacist here in my country Nigeria, but I had to stop working because no employer wants a staff who is in the hospital every other day. I love soccer, so I decided to focus on writing about it since I love to write as well. Everything was okay financially till COVID-19 hit. Everything is on hold, there is nothing for me to write about and thus, no source of income.

I am unfortunately in a country where the government doesn’t care about its citizens. We’ve been in isolation for almost a month, yet I haven’t gotten a dime from anyone. I live alone, and things are so hard for me.

All my friends help when they can by making sure I have my drugs at least. They don’t have money either, but they help me from the little they have. I have applied for a billion writing jobs online, I put myself on fiverr too. So far, all I’ve met is silence. Nigeria is a country notorious for fraud, so it is not a surprise that my present location might be an hindrance.

I am an only child, my parents live in a different state so we aren’t together. They retired a while back too, so I’ve been the breadwinner of the family. I’ve been taking care of myself and my parents since 2017.

I think I am very comfortable sharing my struggles here because I know nobody will shame me for it. I am so tired. My last meal was two days ago. I’ve run out of everything and all my accounts are empty. I simply do not know what to do anymore. I considered selling some of my eggs, but so far I haven’t seen anything worth a follow up. It doesn’t help that I have endometriosis, which has a genetic link. Who would want eggs from a woman who has endometriosis?

I am so sorry to dump all of this here, but I just needed to talk to people who actually understand what I’m going through because they’ve also been there.

[NW248]

The national newspapers in the UK sometimes have articles about how covid-19 is affecting other countries. How about writing and article for them and send it to each paper until one agrees to publish from there it could be sold to other newspapers by them with you being given a share of the money. It might only be one piece but if you get your name known others might come from it. You could also write separate articles about different aspects of life there, for instance our newspapers have had articles about how sports clubs are being affected financially, how sportspeople are training etc.

Are you only taking western medicine for the pain? I know there is a herbal balm in Nigeria that contains natural aspirin, that might help although I've no idea what it is called. Also, there's a acupressure point called LI4 that helps with pain but shouldn't be used during pregnancy.

[Kembouz in reply to NW248]

Thank you for your suggestion. I’ve been on orthodox medicine only, but I will do more research on what you said and hopefully get relief. I initially sent pitches to media houses like the New York Times, but I think your idea is better. I’ll just write and send them my articles. Thanks again.

[Jackie990]

I am so sorry to hear about your predicament and the extremely hard time you're going through. I'm sorry I don't have advice on the job front but I just wanted to tell you to hang in there and don't give up. You've obviously got a talent as a writer, keep trying. And know that you are not alone. Sincerely hope things get better for you and your family.

[Kembouz in reply to Jackie990]

Thank you Jackie ❤️