Help, I'm new here, only 17, what do you think?

[rubywoo1]

Okay, so, I lost my virginity in January 2016, i'm 17 right now but at the time, I was 16. Up until then, I rarely experienced pelvic and back pain, my periods weren't necessarily painful, but they've aways been quite heavy. When I lost my virginity, I remember only feeling pain to begin with (clearly) but then I remember never gaining any pleasure throughout the experience. Being a young girl, I just assumed that this was normal. I didn't have sex for a couple of months after that, and when I did I experienced the same thing, pain and no pleasure, I felt nothing, but when I did feel nothing, it was just pain. After that I didn't have sex for another few months, that wasn't until July the same year that I started having regular sex. Once more I began experiencing the same thing, I felt absolutely no pleasure from sex, it was like nothing was happening, and once more, if I suddenly felt something, it would be pain. After a few months of regular sex, the pain began to develop. I would be having sex with my boyfriend and at the time and I would feel nothing, and then suddenly I would scream and jump and burst into tears because I would suddenly feel an immense sharp pain in the lower left side of my abdomen. Sometimes, we'd be having sex and he wouldn't be able to see me crying, I felt numb in my pelvis and sometimes the pain was so uncomfortable and unbearable, but out of embarrassment I wouldn't say anything. Eventhough its far from this, I would sometimes think 'I feel like I'm being raped' and I'd cry myself to sleep the following night. Not because I felt as though my boyfriend was doing something wrong (he didn't know most of the time), it was just because I was so embarrassed I felt I couldn't say no. Anyway, after a few months my friends persuaded me to go to the sexual health clinic to see what was wrong. They told me to go see my GP and to try take the pill. The GP referred me to gynaecology for possible endometriosis. The pill, however, only made my symptoms worse. The pain remained even when I wasn't having sex, I was bleeding constantly, and I became quite depressed. I was embarrassed and humiliated, the condition evidently lead to the destruction of my relationship (I became too insecure). I received ultrasounds, nothing showed up, although when he moved over to my left ovary I cried out in pain, it was the same pain I always felt. It took a few months for gynaecology to see me again, at this point I had got a new boyfriend, my symptoms weren't as bad (i.e the pain had somewhat reduced) but I still never felt any pleasure from sex, and this was something that really lowered my mood. The doctor told me he'd send me for more ultrasounds and then we could plan a laparoscopy. After a few weeks however, I came on my period and the pain was unbearable. The lower left of my abdomen (its always the lower left) was constantly stabbing and I began experiencing spasms in my rectum that caused me to drop to the ground. I collapsed in pain at work so went to A&E, who unfortunately couldn't do anything. I couldn't go to school for a few days as the pain was too bad, and the spasms were uncontrollable. eventually, I was booked in for emergency ultrasounds, which yet again revealed nothing. Its been a month since this experience, Im waiting for a laparoscopy. The doctors seem to think its end but I personally don't think it is, I rarely have bad period pains and the contraceptive pill only made my symptoms worse. Right now i'm desperate for answers? What else could it be, why do I feel absolutely nothing when i'm having sex? Im constantly humiliated and I don't feel like a woman, i'm only 17!!! please can someone help discuss my symptoms. I had a urine infection for 18 months when I was a baby (doctors failed to do a urine sample all that time) I suggested that this could be the cause but doctors say its unlikely. Crohn's disease is hereditary in my family, yet again unlikely. I personally believe that there must be a problem with my left ovary, but theres no answers? I just want to know whats wrong with me, is it normal for people with endo to feel absolutely nothing (and pain if they do feel something) when having sex. the pain isn't constant, sometimes it will randomly hit mid-way through having sex. I don't know whether I'm going crazy, I think I get PTSD episodes when the pain hits, I burst into tears and suddenly freak out thinking that theres a stranger behind me (doggy) or thinking that i'm being raped. PLEASE HELP.

[HarrietC]

Jesus sounds like you're going through the mill a bit. I have had the same degrees of pain with the spasms before and that is how my pain started around your age, I was found to have a massive endometriotic cyst on my ovary which they ended up doing an emergency op to remove. If it was that, it would be visible on the internal scan though.

I think everyone with endo suffers with endo has pain during sex but it shouldn't be to the point where you feel nothing but pain....there was a point where I made an effort to avoid it because its so uncomfortable pushing my partner away, which psychologically wasn't healthy. I found being honest about how it was feeling helped us get closer.

Have you been tested for Crohn's disease? If it runs in the family and you have no one else with endometriosis it is more likely that. I would like to say if it is endo you'll get diagnosed quickly but it usually takes 5-10 years after an emergency op like mine or an arranged exploratory laparocopy. Good luck with everything and make sure you're honest with your partner xx

[rubywoo1 in reply to HarrietC]

I had a huge conversation with my partner, had a little cry in front of him, there was blood on the sheets a few times after sex. He was incredibly supportive, at first I wasn't sure, he looked a bit uncomfortable and I asked whether he was ok and he said that he was absolutely fine and that it doesn't effect him in anyway, he doesn't care, he said he was just upset because I was upset and he hated that I was going through this. His support was so helpful and made me feel so loved. I admit the pain has been pretty bad today. I woke up a couple of days ago and started panicking and crying because I looked down at my sheets and it looked as if I'd been stabbed or given birth or something. I'd never seen so much blood, It was everywhere and so heavy. I don't understand what it could be though, as I came off my period only a week ago. Although my partner responded better than I could have hoped, the pain is still demoralising and humiliating. I feel angry because of course people have it worse than me, but I just find it so unfair! Thankyou so much for your response, I'm hoping (since im waiting for a lap now) it will get sorted soon xxx

[Hidden]

Jesus - you poor thing. If it helps, it isn’t all that uncommon (although it’s not necessarily the norm) for women not find penetrative sex pleasurable (although that’s different to feeling nothing). I myself don’t like it - I am rarely able to organism as I just don’t feel enough with it.

As HarrietC has said as well though - try to be honest with your partner. I wasn’t with my ex and we sex became a really tricky area in our relationship and in the end the lack of openness and support led to the break up. My current partner actually saw the pain I was having during intercourse and helped me talk about it. We don’t do penetration anymore and it’s great

As for the spasms and pain you have described, my experiences are quite similar. Ultrasounds and scans don’t always pick up on Endo. But there are other issues that you might also be experiencing and that includes the impact on your mental well being.

You have had what sounds like a very traumatic time with sex and I would encourage you to speak with people about this: find a support group or counsellor that specialises in this area. You are not alone in this and whilst you experience may feel embarrassing, other people have similar experiences. Sex is not an easy aspect of live to navigate. Don’t be afraid to talk about it: for some people it is easy, and for some of us it’s not. It sounds like you have some great friends who really care for you

[rubywoo1 in reply to Hidden]

Thankyou so much for you response, I am worried that my traumatic experiences have caused some sort of psychological damage, Ive tried opening up about this, but in my last appointment I was by myself and the nurse that saw me was very patronising and feel as if she didn't even listen to me, I'll definitely be bringing it up with my next doctor as I'm worried it could be something psychological thats making sex so much worse, its so refreshing and comforting to hear that many people are going through this and I'm not alone, Thankyou for your response xxx