endo pain getting worse and I'm at risk of losing my job.

[shellouer]

this year is supposed to be the happiest year of my life. I'm getting married in August. got a new job that I love only to be close to losing my job due to my endometriosis as this week has been the worst ever pain I have been In with it the pain is so bad it makes me vomit. doctors have informed me that I have to have and operation. work are not happy with this. I informed them in my interview and also in the paperwork I had to fill in before starting that I suffered from endometriosis since i was 16. I had to call in sick yesterday because the pain I was in I was struggling to get out of bed because of the pain. work have said I've already hit my trigger point. so I have been referred to HR and I'm at risk of being dismissed. I'm really upset because. not only does work not understand but also my family and fiancé's family saying I'm a waste of space and that I will never keep a job and that my fiancé is better off finding someone else. my fiancé has been really supportive to me and has been there with all my appointments. i feel like people want him to leave me due to what is going on with me health wise. i got no support apart from my fiancé. I'm really depressed at the moment. has anyone been through anything like this that can offer me advise please.

[danijonez]

Hey I kind of know how you feel, last year was when my pain got bad which resulted in me having 4 different jobs. Unfortunately some businesses just want money but if you explained your situation before you even got the job I don’t know why they are being like that to you. They are just being very ignorant. My last job was a Christmas job and in jan I got emergency referred for my surgery so that’s why I haven’t tried going for another job because recovery will be up to six weeks but my boyfriends family just think I’m lazy. We live together at my mums so I don’t even have any major bills (im 19,hes24) but his mum just has a problem with me not having a job and it does hurt my feelings a lot when she knows what I’ve been going through the past year. I know what people say is very disheartening but you know your body best and I’m trying to learn to ignore what everyone is saying and I’m not going to lie it’s not easy because there is a massive stigma around endometriosis. Everyone has it different some people can live with it some people can’t, I’ve had my own friend make me feel like crap because he knows someone who has it who works in the office he does and that she manages, but I simply can’t sit on a chair for a long time and not fidget every minute also, it’s very uncomfortable. I just wish people would stop being so ignorant about invisible illnesses. I can’t wait to prove my boyfriends mum wrong and that’s what you should aim to do, prove everyone wrong once you have your surgery, that it’s not all in our head and it’s been a serious issue for us

[shellouer in reply to danijonez]

thank you for replying. I feel so down and there is nowhere where I live that offer support for this condition I'm so glad I found this site. I've always struggled to get a job because of the endometriosis and now I have a job I love this happens. speaking with my mum earlier and I had a breakdown and she said the surgeon told her that he had fixed me we never knew that this would affect me for the rest of my life. I'm so depressed all the time. fed up of people judging me calling me lazy and not good enough. it's very upsetting watching your dreams slip further and further away because of the lack of support from doctors, family and friends. I'm in so much pain I don't know at what point to go to a&e.

[Starry in reply to shellouer]

Huge huge hugs. My endo has affected me massively, it hit an unmanageable level just as I started a new role, which was a nightmare to cope with and I'm currently struggling to return to work after a 7 month absence.

Is there any way you can get an early date for the excision surgery you need? Is going private an option?

[shellouer in reply to Starry]

My gp is trying to get me to see the specialist again as I was supposed to see him beginning of Feb and not heard anything. I can't afford to go private unfortunately. I would if I could. I've always had pain and can normally cope to be seen. But I haven't eaten for 2 days. And the pain is so bad that I vomit.

[JessieP]

Re work - have you got access to a Union rep? I found Unison invaluable and supportive especially when it came to clueless bosses and pushy HR ppl. If not there are always independent advocates who can support you.

Hope you can get on top of the pain soon x

[shellouer in reply to JessieP]

Thank you will look into a union. Just wish jobs would be more understanding about this condition. Hope I can get the pain under control. x

[Lou161983]

Hey Shellour!! With your work if you can prove that you told them before and they have acknowledged this then you have a case. People best to talk to are Citizens Advise but there is also an HR company that is free to use. The company is called Peninusula, they will give you as much free HR advise as possible. I am as noted above a pushy HR person but recently just lost my job due to my health. Working in a male dominated industry with a female medical problem didntbwork for me but fight them. I’m lucky my fiancé and son are over protective and loving. I’ve just gone for a complete career change which I hope to start soon. Don’t let anyone get you down, only other Endo sufferers will understand the pain and you always have support here xx

[JOSANDY40]

Cos people can't see your ill til your too ill they think you're overreacting. Your family should know better! Your company knew when you took the job. One thing I know is stress and tiredness make Endo worse! So get some or teach yourself meditation! If he loves you this won't matter. Marriage isn't everything. Divorcing is terrible! The important thing is to work with Endo and plan earlier nites. Take meds, don't beat yourself up or allow the uneducated to upset you and create worry.

[shellouer]

Thank you. I will try meditation and try to keep stress levels down. My fiance is 100% supportive to me and has been fighting with doctors to help me get my pain under control. He hates seeing me in so much pain. Even though I probably won't be able to have children he is sticking by me. Just wish my family and his family would be more supportive. X

[DaniahAQ]

First of all, sending lots of love and positive energy your way. You don't deserve any of this and this is an illness which you didn't choose.

I too have recently had a problem with my postgraduate course.

I had a meeting with one of the directors in 2015 about insensitive comments I was receiving from staff and the lack of support as well. She promised me after the meeting, that going forward I would receive understanding and support from all staff members. She was completely clued in with my condition.

I had to wait 6 months to re start the course from scratch. But as soon as I recall started, my endometriosis flared up again and I was always in severe paralysing paid. I was dizzy most of the time. Nauseous and lacked A LOT of energy. Therefore, due to these reasons, I missed a lot of classes. I called a meeting with one of my tutors to inform her of what was going on expecting to receive the support that was promised to me by the director when I was informed in an email that I would be receiving any more "classes" for the classes that I missed DUE to my illness. Therefore I was expected to teach myself what I missed and sit exams. When I informed her if my meeting with the director she completely dismissed it. I would always receive patronising and unsupportive emails from different staff members at the university.

Eventually I interrupted my studies to focus on my condition as I physically could no longer go into school. I was admitted into hospital at one point and one of the module leaders emailed me and asked me for my interruption of studies form and medical evidence KNOWING that I was still in hospital at the time and had no access to a scanner or a laptop. She pressured me to the point that I had to ask a consultant Dr to write a letter for me and j took a photo of it on my phone and sent it to her whilst I was still in a hospital bed!!! She even gave me a deadline for the application form for the very next day even though she knew I was hospitalised. I had to get my fiance to drop work that day (he works full time in an office job) just so that he could go into the university himself and hand it in to them!!!

Anyway I interrupted my studies for over a year and recently received an email from the university asking if my intention to return. I emailed them back letting them know very clearly that I had every intention of returning but that I couldn't right now because my condition was still bad and that I was also suffering from bad side effects from using Tramadol and that it was affecting my cognitive way of thinking. They responded and completely ignored everything I had written and asked me the very same question again 2, weeks later and then a month later and then the month after that. BTW, I HAVE ANOTHER 3 YEARS AVAILABLE TO ME BY THE LAW SOCIETY TO COMPLETE THE COURSE. SO IT'S NOT EVEN A CASE OF ME RUNNING OUT OF TIME.

I just felt extremely pressurised by them and their lack of support and understanding to the point that I would have an anxiety attack every time I opened up one of their emails (I never suffered anxiety until I entered this university due to the treatment of the staff). I have a law degree and a postgraduate degree in law under my belt and during those years never once have I suffered any form of anxiety. It got so bad that even my consultant could see how I was being made to feel that he recommended I go to CBT sessions to discuss my anxiety with someone.

Anyways, I recently didn't respond to one of their emails due to the fact that I was abroad seeking medical help and didn't have access to the internet daily.

So, without my express consent, they withdrew me from the law school even though I explicitly stated in several emails that I intend to come back and complete the course and had informed them fully over and over about my health issues.

I am currently seeking legal help but don't know which law firms deal with such cases.