You have slowly been ruining my body and sucking my confidence for years and now I don't recognise myself.
You went undetected for years and in that time caused me to become very ill with anemia. This meant I couldn't work for a while at a job I loved and in a middle management position I had worked hard to have at a young age. I know it's not your fault my employer was unsympathetic and pressured me to get back to work quicker but that was the beginning of the end for that part of my career which I had been proud to have. You have taken my hard work and made it meaningless. I didn't know at the time that the anemia and illness was all due to you, endometriosis, but I do now.
You have also taken my confidence. I used to love travelling and being sociable. Now I am anxious leaving the house. I don't know when you will make me feel ill and that scares me. I am trying to fight back. Its easier some days than others. I feel it's going to be a long battle.
My husband, family and friends are amazing. I feel bad for not being the wife and friend I was before you showed up. Guilt being another side effect of having you.
But the very worst thing you have taken from me is my dream of having a baby. When I found out I had you I was also told the irreversible damage you'd done meant I would not be able to have a baby naturally. IVF may be an option if you haven't affected my eggs. More tests. More waiting. More worry.
I feel guilty, like I have let my husband, mother and mother in law down. A baby would be an amazing addition to our family. It is all I want.
The physical pain you bring I can cope with. The emotional impact is much harder to live with. You have insidiously become the centre of my life. Everything from what I can/can't eat, exercise I can no longer do, where I go and how I feel is dictated by you.
I will fight you. You will not ruin my life. You have taken so much from me. I will gradually claw the real me back. I will be stronger. There will be days when you might think you've won but that victory will be temporary.
You have hurt me in many ways but I will not stay down.