Endometriosis UK
37,477 members32,934 posts

"Wellness Meeting" with employer

Hey ladies.

If you've read my previous posts, you'll know my employer and me aren't on the best of terms when it comes to health.

I recently had a week off sick (5 days) with a stomach bug, so completely unrelated to my 3 previous absences which were all to do with my pain. The first was a week extra after my laparoscopy and the other two were very bad days shortly after.

This meeting was meant to be with my team leader and a member of HR but instead, it was sprung on my today and it was my team leader and the other team leader that I have had problems with.

In the same way as every other meeting with this particular team leader, I was made to feel like I was just taking days off without any real need. I was questioned (again) about what medication I was taking and why. I was made to feel like I'm literally making all this up and that it's all in my head. It kept being said that doctors aren't finding anything.

It was also said that because I went against what a private specialist advised, to get the coil to try and control the bleeding, I am going against medical advice and I'm declaring myself unfit for work?

I said I'm seeing another specialist under the NHS and I was looked at as if I was wasting my time like literally just doing it for no reason.

It kept being said that I don't have a diagnosis and I won't have one any time soon so I can't guarantee I won't have any more time off. I said, I haven't had a day off related to my pain since August and that was seen as irrelevant, all that mattered was that I've had 4 absences in the 6 month employment.

The worst part is, it was then said we will say goodbye and finish up off the record, so I agreed. I was thinking that was it, how wrong as I....

It was then went on to say that I should be seeking answers to all my unanswered questions and I said like how can anyone think I want to live like this? I have seen doctor after doctor and still I'm struggling so this lead to it being said that it's just period pain.

Then, it was said that is she was my mum / dad she would be furious and concerned that I'm on morphine with no real reason why. I'm speechless. My whole family is concerned and I'm trying so bloody hard to get answers and all this is doing is making my mental health as bad as my physical health.

Now, I'm being taken to a disciplinary as it was said that's what's needed..

I'm just speechless and terrified.

9 Replies

Just PM’ed you in more detail but firstly, they cannot take you to a disciplinary; and secondly, HR MUST be present at sickness absence review meetings in order to speak about procedure. Get a grievance in xx


Big hugs. They are treating you pretty tough and I'm shocked they think they can get away with it.

Try not to be scared or let them bully or intimidate you. Continue to Write down all the breaches of their procedures that they have done and inappropriate remarks.

That said, it does seem like they want to force you out and are trying to go down absence disciplinary route.

Are you able to cut your losses and look for another job? You can fight it but it's going to be lots of aggro and if the culture is so unsupportive and horrible with a nasty team leader is it worth sticking it out to stay somewhere your not valued? Just a thought to consider?


I'm looking for another job, have been for months now and I'm pretty close to landing my first freelance mua position but I need to really think if it's going to be able to work financially! That's the issue, we can't afford to have me out of work! Xx

1 like

Hiya sorry they’re treating you so unfairly but have you seen occupational health? They should’ve referred you straight away. is it an employment tribunal or an internal disciplinary? at my old work place is was necessary HR were present so your company might have broken some rules read your contract, it should say whether this is so.

if you feel like you’re being bullied or harassed talk to HR, you can refuse to talk to your team leader alone in a formal meeting regarding your employment, if you feel you can’t be treated fairly without a neutral party there, and you should’ve been allowed to bring in say your trade union rep, or even your mum for your follow up, I had my manager come into mine with me as she knew everything that was going on with me and basically backed me up it just offers supporting evidence and opinions from someone who knows. Did someone scribe the meetings? They should’ve had someone writing down notes and at the end you should’ve signed it to basically corroborate that you believe what’s been said is 100% factual, and if you don’t agree you’re allowed to interject and state your disagreements. And saying all that about drugs off the record is wrong and shouldn’t have been said because that only comes across as if it make you feel guilty for something you can’t control? It’s completely unprofessional And finally, have your work been unfair about your illnesses before? Do you have a record of emails or texts or did you make notes of when comments were made e.g the morphine one. I really do think your work place are being highly unprofessional and I’d seek help from HR.

the law protects you from being discriminated against which clearly they are doing as they clearly have preconceived opinions regarding your health and I would say wholeheartedly that they are trying to push you out of the company through intimidation, your employer can only dismiss you if they have exhausted all opportunities to resolve your health problems and make adjustments for you at work, this means they have got to have an occupational health report as OH will make a non-biased judgement on what your work can do and what adjustments can be made, this report from OH will also be needed for your disciplinary hearing, so if it hasn’t been done, request by work it needs to be done

Sorry this is waffly and rambly, been taking tramadol today and needed 5ml of oramorph tonight and it’s hit me like a brick wall! The never ending joys of period pain!

In summary though get a OH report and if it has been done and your condition has worsened or it’s really out of date ask for an updated one 🙌🏻❤️

1 like

Thankyou for such a knowledgable comment!!

It was said in a previous back to work meeting I would see occupational health but I haven't heard of it since!

I really feel like HR need to be there as too many things are being seen off the record.

This particular team leader had treated me unfairly since my first absence.

I'm just worried going to HR, going above her head, will make things more heated as when I went in to this meeting she made a snide comment, off the record, saying "I know you've spoken to ACAS" like it was something wrong.

That's exactly what they're doing, I feel guilty for having an illness I don't want! Xxx

1 like

I really hope you're doing alright, morphine is nasty stuff! I'm on slow release everyday! Xx

1 like

HR will go above her head regardless because they are technically above her, so she’ll have to put her ego aside and get over it, just insist everything goes down proper revenues or just you can take them to court for unfair dismissal! Hope things get better soon ❤️ morphine is rank, I’m hoping to try some slow release meds soon, my doctors consulting with another GP about it because I’m allergic to everything🙄 the joys of needing pain relief eh! 😉😂

1 like

I'm just worried it'll get worse😞 the slow release are good but there's only so much pain meds can do! Hope you get some relief soon! Xxx


It will get worse regardless if your boss hates you anyway and is determined to push you out, by going about it this way, the proper way, you’ll teach her she can’t bully adults and that she has to do things properly, therefore educating her and making it easier for the next girl that gets this job x


You may also like...