Employment issues - a whole new level!!

[staceymacg]

Afternoon ladies!

I feel like all I do is post on here🙈 but, I need support more than ever right now.

If you've seen any of my previous posts, especially yesterday's, you'll know I'm having some bother with my work.

Today, I went back in after a days sick yesterday so I had my return to work meeting. As required by my manager, I took in all my medication....

I thought they just wanted a note of my medication for perhaps health & safety but no, I had a full on interrogation on each medication. I felt incredibly self conscious as I know what I'm taking and why but I felt very judged and insecure while being questioned like a criminal.

After the discussion on my medication I was told they'd be contacting my doctor and asking things like,

* how many times have you seen stacey in the last 12 months?

* has endometriosis been ruled out or is this still being investigated?

* what is the plan moving forward?

When moving on to discuss my condition, I felt very insecure as it is not accepted that I can be as sick as I am without a diagnosis. Basically, I literally cannot prove I am sick and this lead on to perhaps the worst part of the meeting.

I was then told that I should see a psychiatrist because it sounds like I have convinced myself I have a disease and that I am actually just doing this to myself!! I was also told I should see a counsellor for support during this.

Then, we discussed previous absences which there has only been one, my surgery. I was interrogated as to why I needed 2 weeks off for a minor surgery. I tried to explain I was in a lot of pain and I felt very drained but apparently this was not a valid answer and I was made to feel like I was just dragging it out.

So then I was told there will be a meeting with HR and occupational health because I'm still undiagnosed there seems to be nothing wrong and apparently me being on morphine is a risk to the business.

This manager who was conducting this was female and she told me she has a friend who has endometriosis so I thought she'd be sympathetic but no. When I explained what has happened so far in trying to diagnose my problems (ultrasounds, internals, laparoscopy) I was made to feel stupid and like I was making it all up because if there was anything to be there, they'd have found it by now.

I was told that it sounds like I have it in my head I have this disease and ament letting them do their job. I tried to explain my GP has actually said that I know more about this than he does but no, apparently I'm wrong.

I tried to explain that endometriosis can be missed by a general gynaecologist and that is why I am pushing to see an endometriosis specialist but this just fuelled her more to tell me how I have set my heart on having this disease.

I explained that they had ruled out virtually every other option and if they want to send me to gastro or a bowel doctor I'll happily go, but when all my symptoms are gynae it seems to match up pretty well.

I left that meeting in tears and I'm unsure of where to go from here.

The only good things to come out of that is that I have been put onto part time hours for the foreseeable future.

And also, I told them in my interview that I was having surgery for suspected endometriosis but because I don't have a diagnosis, apparently that is no longer valid so I did not tell them about my health issues so they cannot support me.

I have never felt more belittled and just, crushed.

[Hidden]

Absolutely awful. Are they legally allowed to ask you to disclose all that personal information? A medical certificate should be legally sufficient for your days off. If they call your GP your doctor can withhold that information, because it is private. I would ask the GP to put it all in a letter and provide them with that, rather than giving permission for your GP to discuss you over a phone call which you have no control over. That seems like opening up an entirely different can of worms. I would actually insist on a meeting with HR because your human rights may be being violated by your managers who're all up in your business.

[staceymacg in reply to Hidden]

I have no idea, I feel absolutely awful. I've never felt more belittled and like my health doesn't matter.

I'm going to my GP this afternoon to push a referral, what would you suggest I say? Xx

[Hidden in reply to staceymacg]

Firstly, personally, I would stop the info train at work. They do not need to know your personal medical history. They should not have any input and opinion on your life outside of work. Your health is impacting your ability to work, so that is likely why they feel they're entitled to know all about it, but they're not! I would ensure that all your medical certificates have been provided for the time you have taken off work so far (get a copy of these from your GP if you don't have them), happily accept the reduced hours and use your now free hours to find a specialist who can see you asap for an exploratory laparoscopy. Get a referral from your GP this afternoon if possible. Surgery is a last resort, smart people understand this. Normal people don't just jump to surgery as the first option. You've exhausted the other routes and it's time to look deeper. Surely your GP can understand this, or at least accept that it is your body, your choice.

[staceymacg in reply to Hidden]

I've had a laparoscopy by a general gynae who said my womb & ovaries are fine but I feel it was not a very thorough investigation and that's why I'm wanting to see a specialist.

Fingers crossed.

I feel like my work push me to tell them all this info or like I'll be fired xx

[Hidden in reply to staceymacg]

nhs.uk/chq/Pages/2313.aspx?...

[Hidden in reply to staceymacg]

As per the NHS link I just posted, it is entirely your choice to provide them with that information. So far it doesn't seem to have got you very far, so I, personally, would stop discussing it and work on getting answers, getting back to health and regaining those shortened hours at work.

[Nickimidge]

I'm so sorry to read this Staceymacg.

I know exactly how you feel right now. I was off work last friday (actually went into work but got sent home) returned on saturday to be told by my line manager that i had to have an absence interview, which would result in action being taken and that would be with ny head if HR. I was absoloutly fuming! I'm currently under a gynae for a hydrosalpinx and awaiting my next appt to discuss surgery, and under investgation with another consultant for a completley different health issue, my workplace are fully aware of all this as due to hospital appts sometime coming at such short notice i had to start telling them what was going on. I'm well aware my sickness is high, but theres nothing i can do about it, and i only ever phone sick if i really have too. My line manager was so unsupportive it was unreal. Had my absence interview today, and luckily for me it went better than i thought it would and actually found out that my head of HR has actually gone through very similar situations with regards to my gynae issues so was unbelivably supportive and had said because i was still under investigation for both health issues and that unfortunatly my sickness was going to get worse she wasn't going to take any further action at the moment as it would be insensitive and is now going to set up regular meetings with me, just so she knows whata going on and can help and assist in anyway she can, i wish i'd been and seen her myself sooner now because up until now i have had very little support from my workplace.

What i have learnt over the past few months is that alot of workplaces mine included, have very little knowledge of womens gynaelogical issues and simply don't understand and don't know how to deal with them. I'm so sorry that you have to go through what you have at work, its absoloutly appalling.

Is there anybody you can speak to higher up at work? Possibly to put a grievance in, about thr way your being treated. Are you in the union? Its good that your being refered to occupational health as this could bite your workplace in the arse, so don't worry about that too much it could actually work in your favour.

They certainly should not be questioning your illness and telling you what to do, there no doctor

Have all your discussions been recorded in note form? If so keep your copys in a safe place, if you haven't recieved copys ask for your own copy, make notes yourself about when you've had time off, length of time off, make notes of when you've had meetings at work dates, who it was with etc.

I feel for you i really do 😘 xxx

[staceymacg in reply to Nickimidge]

Thankyou for commenting!!

I hope this meeting with occupational health works in my favour!!

I think I will be speaking to HR or my managers boss! Xx

[Nickimidge in reply to staceymacg]

Please make sure you do.

I've known people in my workplace be referred to occupational health, and its worked in there favour massively, and the managment team have had alot of grovelling to do, so i'll be keeping my fingers crossed for you. Xx

[poppy75 in reply to staceymacg]

Absolutely do! Xx

[Starry]

I should now raise a formal grievance against them for bullying and discriminatory behaviour for saying it's in your head because it's gynae.

No surgeon will undertake an unnecessary operation on someone who is well. Your lap is proof enough. No GP will prescribe meds for a person who is not physically ill. Also I would request a witness to support you and be with you in all meetings and write up your notes for your documentary evidence. Post them this PDF document link above I shared which clearly describes the 12 week internal healing period post surgery.

Anyways your hospital at discharge will give you a sick note for the 2 week period which is a statutory proof and declaration of unfitness for work that is incontestable. Nothing they can do about it.

Disgraceful behaviour.

Huge hugs xxxx angry for you sweet pea.

The must be a nicer employer you can apply to going forwards.

[staceymacg in reply to Starry]

Thankyou for commenting!!

Yeah I think I'm going to, I'm furious.

I'm going to look into a union to be with me in all meetings.

Hugs! Xxx

[gwen80 in reply to staceymacg]

Definitely get the Union on board. I've used mine in the past and they were fantastic. Your employer will suddenly see you're not on your own, you have access to legal advice and support to take your case further. You might find they change their tune very quickly. Hope so ☺

Gx

[Hidden]

Honestly this is absolutely awful behaviour on behalf of your work place, demanding you explain all your meds to them when it's of no concern is an outrage! I had an experience like this when I worked in retail and was only allowed 3 sick days a year and they disciplined me for needing more. The place I work at now is very understanding and doesn't matter how long I take off as long as I keep thinking updated.

I'd say something formally needs to be done about the management at this place and maybe time to start looking for a new job?? Feels like the younger you are, the less they believe what you say in the workplace which is appalling!

[staceymacg in reply to Hidden]

It is awful. I'm looking for a new job but unfortunately I can't leave until I find something new.

Yes I think I need to go to HR or something because I can't do this any more! X

[poppy75]

Yes as said above do not go to any other meetings without someone accompanying you to take notes. If you're in a union do take someone from that. It's utterly appalling how you've been treated. Please do request your doctor sends a report to them + fact sheets from Endo UK regarding employers, recovery time from surgery etc..

Telling you that it sounds like you've made it up and need to see a psychiatrist is just beyond words. You can get 10 mins free advice from many solicitors and lawyers on the phone. I would call around and get advice. Record EVERYTHING they have said and the dates these meetings have taken place. You're absolutely in a position to make a complaint if you decide to. Speaking to a solicitor on the phone will be very helpful.

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. It's the last thing you need while having to take such strong painkillers, pushing for a BSGE laparoscopy etc. Xx

[Kerriel]

Im going through the same right now they are not allowed to speak with your gp they can ask for a written report from your gp with your consent which you have to sign a form for and the report can be seen by you first before being sent to them dont let them bully you and always take a person in with you for support they cant refuse as its the law you can have representation x

[Hidden]

Gosh, so sorry to read you're having to go through this.The world has gone mad 😡 I can't give any advise, because I'm not up with employment laws etc and it seems all the advise you have been given is good advise. You shouldn't have to be dealing with this on top of fighting to get seen by the Endo specialist . I really hope you manage to get a new job and that you get your referral . Xx

[Katarzyna]

Am so sorry to read about the intrusive bullying. Definitely take a witness to any future meetings. Definitely involve the union and very best of luck in finding a nicer employer. The law is on your side.

[Starry]

This is how to evidence your impairment proving your protection. Note you are specificslly protected from harassment and victimisation under equality act.

equalityhumanrights.com/en/...

[Starry]

This gives real examples of what is an impairment using things like chronic fatigue syndrome, backpain and mental problems equalityhumanrights.com/sit...

[Samhaydock]

My god staceymacg.....this is truly horrendous and I am so sorry that you are having such a horrendous time.

The amount of information that they are asking you to disclose is outrageous and it seems that contacting your GP sounds like a threat. Your GP will not be able to share any information about you, and they should know that.

I am no expert in this, but if this was happening to me, I would inform myself with the legalities, contact the Citizens Advice and find out where you stand. Making a complaint against your work colleagues is never a fun prospect but knowing the landscape can help give you the confidence to go forward.

It took me 17 years to be treated and diagnosed and I know I'm not alone. I walked out of the hospital and cried....not because of how I felt, but that finally it was recognised. Is it not hard enough to have to suffer with endo to then have to fight so hard for understanding too.

I had my lap a month ago and after this time I had so many questions and you were so helpful and kind. I am just so sorry that you are having such a terrible time. Keep strong, know you have understanding and support on here, know you are not alone and get that advice. Sending big hugs x

[Vicky2708]

I'm so sorry to hear of your experience Staceymacg - As someone who works in HR, I think the occupational health referral is a positive step forward. They should be able to provide advice to your workplace (and it sure sounds like they need it!) on how best to support you.

I know going into these types of meetings, people are always apprehensive where HR are involved but I always make the point, it's about supporting employees, not about bullying them back into work!

I really think getting some advice from citizens advice may be beneficial for you. Does your organisation have bullying/harassment/grievance policies that you are aware of?

Huge hugs to you xxx