I need guidance...

[UNHelpfulHusband]

Hello to all,

I am not an emdometriosis sufferer but i am the husband of somebody that is... my wife. She suffers endometriosis and i believe she has done for a very long time. She finally had diagnosis about 2 years ago and since then it just seems to be causing more and more greif each day.

I try to be supportive but i always get told i don't understand. (Don't get me wrong we do talk about her condition) but at times it's tougher and more painful. I have been there to pretty much every appointment and been there through every UTI which my wife also suffers alongside Endo. She is 20 years old and feels so low recently due to the whold endo. Thing.

She has recently been told it will be 8 months till she can have 'another' operation. We are hoping to move house and try to have a baby before then as we have heard on the grapevine that having a baby 'can' help/rid of the symptoms. We also feel the time is right to start a family.

My question to all you other endo. Sufferers is what do your husband/partners not seem to understand about your condition.. is there anything i can do to understand more.. i've read things online, i read fact sheets, youtube videos,documentaries... i just feel like i cannot support my wife enough!

Please help!

[Liseylu7]

I'm sorry to hear your wife and you are having such a difficult time, but it's wonderful that you seem so supportive. My other half is very sweet when it comes to being understanding about when I'm in pain, but I don't think he's ever really grasped how frightening I found it as a woman.

The thing is, you can't fix this for her, which I know men like to do all you can do is be understanding when she's in pain (or exhausted which I get a lot), i.e. My OH will make the dinner for me if I'm in pain and don't feel upto it. If she's like me, sometimes she'll need to just cry because she worried and frustrated about what it could mean for her fertility,so just give her that shoulder to cry on and reassure her. Endo doesn't automatically mean no children, and she's so young it's not like there's an age concern there,whereas I do have that.

I'm not sure about having no symptoms during pregnancy, but obviously that's not a solution as you can't be permanently pregnant. Sounds like she needs some female support from women who have the same, she should join this group for support. Maybe she should see a counsellor if she's so low, because although at times when I'm in pain and shattered I'm sure I'm not the normal me my OH loves, I also don't want generally to take it out on him. No he doesn't fully understand, but that's not his fault as he doesn't have endo and I wouldn't want him to be in pain!

It's hard when you're first diagnosed and there are always some low points but as they say you shouldn't pack up and live there.

Don't know if that helps at all x

[UNHelpfulHusband in reply to Liseylu7]

I am going to go & hug my wife and tell her i love her ❤

Yes.. it does help knowing it's not just me!!

And aparently after you've had a baby symptoms can go.. we have 2 friends who quote this.

[staceymacg]

You sound incredibly supportive and I'm sure you are a great help to her!!

My fiancé is the same and we are the same age as I am 20, my fiancé 25. So we are in the same kind of position.

My fiancé is like yourself, has done a lot of research and tries to understand as much as he can but I just think it's the fear aspect men will not understand.

I can't speak for everyone but the thing that scares me the most is not being able to do the one thing a women should be able to do, carry a baby.

All I can suggest is all my fiancé does for me is just be there and it sounds like you are already doing so.

Be there when she needs a cry when it all gets too much.

Be there when she needs a back massage.

Be there to cook for her when she is too exhausted to move.

Just simply be there.

I hope your wife gets some answers soon and I wish you all the luck in the world with starting a family!

We are thinking of starting our family after I see the endo specialist in Edinburgh and have my second operation.

Give your wife a hug from all of us endo sufferers💛

[Dangermouse381]

If you care enough to post on here for advice on how to help, that tells me you're really already there! What a great husband you are.

My partner aeems to bitcgh constantly about getting no intimate time. He never helps or fails to even try amd understand.

Your wife is very lucky to have you 😊

[Memw]

Sometimes I just want a cuddle, a kiss and a hot water bottle ready.

[Pracy]

I think you are being so understanding and supportive for your wife. I had been having symptoms and suffering for over 6 years before anything was done for me and I was in so much pain just before my laparoscopy I told the doctor straight out I was suicidal over it all. The fact was I was suffering so much, so exhausted and felt I had no quality of life. No one understood what I was going through because I had no diagnosis, they couldnt Google it to read about it.

My partner still isn't much use to me he hasn't got a clue, he just assumes I've got pmt and a period, he hasn't researched it like you are. Understanding and being helpful when you're wife needs you to be is about all you can really do, I have found it to be quite a roller-coaster few years with my ups and downs but at the minute more ups, I'm someone who looks on the bright side and I'm sure endometriosis surely has one, we just haven't found it yet.