Dealing with husband with high sex drive...

[Blackpenguin]

I have a very attentive husband that understands my pain BUT... . So aside from refraining from sex periodically we give it a try and if it hurts we stop. But he needs it at least once a day or twice if possible. It's a genuine need for him and I don't know what to do about it. If I'm hurting I use my hands or oral but there's only so much of the same thing you can do??! Sending him off to jerk off on his own seems to be more damaging. As you all know we feel like failures due to stopping sessions short because of pain, we feel like failures because we keep rejecting our partners, they feel like failures because they hurt us and because no one gets what they need from the relationship. I'm starting to wonder if there's a way to convert physical pain into pleasure. Most BDSM people can get that right... how can I? Pain is energy right? So how can you change that to tolerable energy? Anyone got it right?

[weeyin24]

When you find out let me know!! i have the same issues almost, i feel awful for him so much so i have sugested he go elsewhere but he wouldnt and im greatful in a way but it doesnt half mess with your head! I have been suffering for almost 3years now i am having a hystorectomy in the next 12 weeks, i cant wait but terrified too! Hoping it helps our relationship! Hope you find something soon, good to know we are not alone.

xxx

[Blackpenguin in reply to weeyin24]

Oh gosh! Glad to hear I'm not alone. Good luck for your next op. It's so hard for both partners. How do you manage your pain?

[Sarahdee1990]

Glad to know it's not just me. Partner really struggling with it, causing a lot of arguments! If you find a remedy please be sure to let me know!

[Blackpenguin in reply to Sarahdee1990]

I keep reassuring him with lots of love and compliment him often hoping that his need for sex (which for men equivalents them feeling loved) will calm down. He says he wants more sexual advances like groping and kissing even if it leads to nowhere - but seldom doesn't lead to nowhere as he gets all turned on! And then I feel bad rejecting him so I just don't approach him in a sexual way. Such a hard one to figure out. Hopefully we can all figure out a answer together!

[Lizzielizzielizzie]

I think that really is a very very high sex drive... national average is for couples to have sex once a week according to what I have read... that includes all the non endo sufferers out there too! So maybe don't feel too bad if he sometimes spends some 'time on his own'... I don't think many women would be able to satisfy a daily desire for sex!

[Blackpenguin in reply to Lizzielizzielizzie]

I know right!!! But it's what he needs.... hoping as he gets older it will calm down. The irony is that when I get older and menopause kicks in I will probably have a higher sex drive due to less pain!

[Blackpenguin]

I've been reading a bit about changing physical pain to pleasure and it seems like most articles point to expecting the worst and then when it's not all that bad you're almost relieved and that relief triggers the same hormones as pleasure... similar like love biting - a little harder would have hurt therefore the bite that did happen is kinda nice. But s*$~ Sherlock - endo pain during sex is enough to fling your partner off you! So how could that have been worst????

[justfortoday1]

I'm sorry you're going through this. It's not easy. Have you considered a sex therapist?

[Blackpenguin in reply to justfortoday1]

Thanks for replying. I've thought about that for a long time. He thinks he's normal.

[justfortoday1 in reply to Blackpenguin]

Normal is relative (I'm assuming). This may seem unrelated but are you on meds for the Endo? Or a special diet?

[Lizzielizzielizzie in reply to justfortoday1]

The sex therapist would be for both of you based on the fact neither of you sound like you're currently getting everything you need from your sex life... not to do with either of you not being 'normal', just to help you get more in sync xx