How do I deal with a parent that makes me feel guilty about being ill

My mum tells me I'm exaggerating and I should just get on with life like everyone else. Because of this when my pain is very severe I am reluctant to ask for help and if I reach a point where I have no option but to get help. I feel guilty and that I have wasted people's time. I don't know how to get around this situation, it wouldn't be as difficult if I lived alone but because I live with her it's like I need her permission to be ill. If she says my pain isn't that bad then I must be making it up. I don't know what to do, today has just been a tough one!

5 Replies

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  • Do you have a diagnosis of endo? Have you given your mum information about it so she can read about how other ladies suffer, so she knows it's understandable that you will struggle with pain and this condition? Xxx

  • Yes I got my official diagnosis last year. She's a nurse so you would've thought she'd respond well to health conditions. It seems she does but to everyone but me

  • You poor thing. That's tough. Maybe that's her way of dealing with it. People (even our own mothers) react in funny ways to our pain/illness/suffering.

    If you are able to, you need to plough on and get the help you need be it a GP referral and some specialist help. Treat it like a mission to get some answers and know there is support here for you x

  • As a nurse your mother probably knows how easy it is to fall into a trap of self pity, and how that will be destructive to your health. (Not criticising you I too fell into it when things are bad). But the truth is, to over-come a chronic illness it needs PMA, it needs careful management, proactive diet and exercise. Why put out lives on hold!? Endo should force us to want to do more with our lives. To try! ..

  • As a parent myself, I'm so sorry to hear that, No one has the right to tell you what your pain is to you as they are NOT you!

    I agree that getting as clued up as you can & sharing that with her may help, just cos shes a nurse doesnt mean she knows it all, Ive met plenty of ill informed/misinformed nurses in my time too!

    Sometimes getting your strength from elsewhere is what we have to do. I know my own mum was the last person I could turn to about most things so I was determined not to be that kind of mum to my own sons,

    Hopefully Ive succeeded :)

    All the best

    Jx

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