Need advice

I'm 30 years old iv been with my partner for 7yrs married for 4 I was diagnosed with endo 5yrs ago iv had 4 laps awaiting my 5th we have a beautiful 22 month old daughter together even though I was told I couldn't get pregnant naturally we were booked for an IVF consultation but then a miracle happened a positive pregnancy test : ) but now our marriage is falling apart our spark has gone our sex life has gone due to the pain im in pain everyday and worse around my period I feel like my hubby doesn't understand or support me I feel so alone we have come to the decision that we need to separate due to the arguing around our daughter but we still love each other its breaking my heart cus I really don't wanna lose him has anyone else been through this and do you have any advice how to get our spark back !!! Thanks Laura

9 Replies

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  • Hi LauraK108, I would really strongly recommend you get some marriage counseling before making the decision to break up. It sounds like you still have hope in the marriage despite being through some very testing times. Have a look at the Relate website relate.org.uk/ they offer counseling for couples on relationship breakdown as well as your sex life.

    When you're in pain it can be easy to push your partner away but there are still things you can both do that don't involve penetration (oral sex, mutual masturbation, even anal if you're willing!). Some foreplay may take your mind off milder pain and help you relax too. Just make it clear from the outset it will not end in penetration so he is not disappointed.

    If you do decide to split, counseling can make the whole process a lot smother for both of you especially if you have a child to consider. My parents went through marriage counseling and were told it was best if they separate but they have managed to remain friends and went through the divorce process with limited stress and animosity.

    I hope your next lap gives you some pain relief and you can get to a happier place with your hubby xx

  • Thank you I've suggested marriage counselling but he said no way he doesn't believe in it : ( and for the sex its complicated we were trying for another baby b4 I have the hysterectomy done I was pregnant again but miscarried February: ( that was another blow to both of us but effected me more than him and we never get time for us as i work on his days off I just feel lost we have both changed because of this vile condition were not the happy couple we were were both just down and tired of everything I'm praying its not the end for us : ( xx

  • Hi Laura - the immediate issue is your endo. You mention you had a hysterectomy and were very young for this. I assume all your laps were done in general gynaecology and they finally said a hysterectomy was the only treatment? Unfortunately this is not the case unless all your endo is excised (thoroughly cut out) at the same time in which case at your age your uterus would only be removed it it was diseased itself. Did you have your ovaries removed and if so were you given oestrogen replacement or do you still have your ovaries? x

  • Hi I haven't had the hysterectomy yet but there saying that's the only thing left iv tried everything else hormones ect 4 laps awaiting my 5th and my bowel and bladder are affected too but not having the hysterectomy yet because we wanted more children first but now we've drifted so far apart I don't know what to do : ( xx

  • Laura, this is so sad I really do empathise I have endo for 20 year's and one of the biggest issues I have had aside of the medical ones is my relationship with my husband, he has never understood the reasons why I have no sex drive.... In his eyes he feels that if I love him my sex drive should naturally be there! does your hubby go t to your appointments with you? Or could you show him information about the condition? It is so difficult I know... My husband even asked if I was having an affair... It's So hard to explain to someone how it feels to have no drive, I really could not care less if I had sex ever again if I did not need to take my husband feeling into consideration. I try to compromise and work on it but it's not easy. I really hope you can find a way of working it out. Leigh x

  • Thank you Leigh yes he's been to some of my appointments and he's made the effort to read up on it but a man will never completely understand well know one can unless they suffer with it we had a good talk last night he said its not about the lack of sex anymore more about the arguing and the most heartbreaking part was he said he still loves me but not the way he once did I'm heartbroken think iv lost him : ( xx

  • Ah bless you my heart goes out to you, you are so right unless you suffer from the illness it's so difficult to understand! Stay strong and look after yourself xxx

  • Thanks Leigh its so good to talk to sum1 who does understand !!! Thank you for listening us women need to stick together were the only ones who can understand xx

  • Anytime xx

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