Worried :(

Hey

okay so I know this is quite an intimate question and I do apologise for asking but it's something that is playing on my mind,

Okay I had a diagnostic lap 2 weeks ago on Tuesday,

I got diagnosed with endo in my pouch of Douglas and pelvic wall,

I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time since the lap last night but I felt really silly as I really couldn't climax?

I know I sound daft but it's been bugging me, do you think it could just be worry with everything that's gone on or because I know what's going on inside me now with the endo???

I don't know I just need someone to talk to because I feel really silly,

I think it was because I couldn't relax due to worrying about everything (aas I've got a lot going on other than the endo) because I kept drying up as well, Which made me and my boyfriend sore,

I am so sorry that this is so detailed and horrible to read but I just don't know how to stop myself worrying as I'm scared now that it's gonna happen when we have sex again :(

My boyfriend has been so supportive of me and we have been together for 5 years and we are each other's "first" so I know it's not because I don't feel comfortable around him because I feel so comfortable and relaxed around him but I just don't know what's up with me :( any help would be reaaaallly appreciated girls!

Thank you and once again I'm sorry xxxx

7 Replies

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  • Hi, here's my thoughts...

    First, I'm so glad you have a supportive partner who knows you well. This is a really wonderful place to start.

    Secondly, I can't speak for anyone but myself, but I've never been able to climax without a lot of help from both myself and my partner (and not with just manipulation but also with the difficult task of getting your mind in the mood to let your body climax... not to be sniffed at!), and I have never climaxed from penetration alone. That's just how I am. I have had partners fret about and focus on this, and have had to draw them gently away from obsessing and focusing on one tiny anatomical spot where they know they've got results in the past. It has taken a lot of talking and reassuring new partners that I'm really ok, we don't have to fixate on one thing, and over time there has been learning about what works and what doesn't.

    I might be absolutely wrong, but I think that it's a total myth that successful sex should always end in climax for everyone, every time. There's an awful lot of pressure we put our partners and ourselves under if that's what we believe, either because we think that's what's supposed to happen or we have been lucky in that climaxing with our partners was always effortless before and expect ourselves to always be able to perform that way.

    I'm now 40 and in undeniably the best relationship of my life with a man who seems to have more time to learn about what I need than any man has ever bothered with before. And he understands, too, that I get a huge amount of joy in giving pleasure and that having an orgasm is not the be-all and end-all for me. What I need and how I go about it has changed with time SO much due to not only changes in what I prefer, but changes in my body and a long history of being poked and prodded and operated on and realising I often feel in my body like a hunk of meat, rather than a sexy and sexual woman. And not even have I changed over the years within myself, and often in direct relation to what has gone on with me medically, but how my partner and I involve ourselves with each other has also changed over the 4 years we've been together. This is ok, and while it's different than it was before and not as exciting as it was once, I love how we are.

    Please go gently with yourself, and be sure your partner does as well. You are going to experience changes and fluxuations that are probably hormonally related, and that will come and go and its perfectly normal. You mentioned you were dry. I've had that, and I hated it. It doesn't last. And if it does there's things you can do about it either with lubricants, or even through experimenting with more foreplay (SO important). But mostly, don't force it. You and your partner shouldn't be ending up sore. If it's not right, stop for a minute, don't race for a finish, but enjoy the journey and the exploration. It's not about the ending.

    I hope this is of some help. Please don't be afraid to ask these things, because unless you live on "Sex and the City" and there's no stone unturned regarding sexual health and knowledge, it's only through personal experience or the experience others share that we can get any measure of how we're doing regarding what "normal" is supposed to look like! Ask more questions if you need to.

    Oh, and heal swiftly! xx

  • It couls really have be because it was the 1st time after lapo and you may have felt anguish and a tiny bit stressed.. i know i was the same after my 1st lapo... I worried after all the pain id had that sex would hurt to or id feel different to my partner..x dont stress just try relax and things will go back to normal.

  • Thank you for the reply hun,

    feel a lot more reassured knowing I'm not alone,

    I'll Just try to relax and clear my mind,

    it bothered me mostly because it's never happened before, but I'm sure I'll get there xxx

  • Your body will go back to normal and so will your mind.xx

  • Thank you Hun,

    did it take you long to get back to normal?xx

  • 4weeks after lapo i was totally fine.. but im 10days in from my 2nd lapo and feeling awful so hoping im ok soon.x but every one heals different

  • Hi, I'm sure it's just temporary and you will be back to normal in no time, try using some lubricant to help the dryness,

    Did they remove any endo, and what's your next step, if you don't mind me asking, I'm due mine 21srpt March doc said he will cut any out.

    Chin up and relax, good luck hun

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