I wrote a really upset and long post last week after my consultant appointment basically saying how sick, traumatised and violated the sheer amount of excruciatingly painful, humiliating and failed-attempt swabs/internal examinations I have had to have over the last few years and how I just couldn't cope with it anymore and how it was really affecting me psychologically and my relationships, too, and when I got my letter through about having to go for smear tests (I'm 25 this year) I just completely broke down, couldn't sleep, the fear was literally taking over. A couple of you lovely ladies told me to let you know how I got on with the GP appt I booked specifically to talk about these issues and I'm SO relieved to report that I had a really positive experience today
I recently moved house, so apart from returning to the drs to explain my returning endo symptoms and being referred straight to the gynae, this was my first appointment where I'd talked about anything really in depth with this particular GP, and contrary to what I have experienced before, she was SO concerned about me and understanding. She said I have every right to feel the way I do and that it should be understandable as to why I'm in so much pain - somebody just telling me to relax is like telling somebody going through a severe depressive episode to "just cheer up" - it doesn't work. She said she will make a note about psychosexual therapy if I am still affected further down the line, but right now she doesn't think it would be right because all they would say is that it's completely understandable with my physical illness why I feel the way I do - there aren't really any other underlying issues there, it's just the trauma caused by this illness and what I've been through as a result. So she has put my smear reminders on hold as I'm still young and says nobody will chase me about them, I should wait until my endo has been treated again and then make sure I go back to discuss with her from there. She also made a note on my medical history that I find internal examinations extremely painful and distressing and stressed that any swabs/smears/scans etc that need to be done internally should preferably be done if/when I next have to have any surgery ie another lap.
I'm sure it's not a blanket thing, but in my NHS experience GPs are SO much more personal and understanding, and consultants/anyone you deal with IN a hospital is far more cold/clinical/less understanding. I'm really relieved that I went, I knew I was really affected but didn't realise how so - I cried tonnes and tonnes and feel absolutely exhausted now like a massive weight has been lifted that FINALLY somebody in the medical profession is taking the pain seriously and that it's not something I just have to "work through" or "relax and it will go away". So relieved it's unreal thank you for everybody's support and suggestions, this form has helped me in so many ways xx