Struggling to cope!

[Ashbash]

I'm really struggling to cope, I've got the date for my 1st lap after being ignored for many years. I have recently started a new job and set up my first home away form parents (I'm 19) I have to take two weeks off unpaid for my lap but then I won't be able to pay my rent let alone live... I'm really worried and I'm stuck, I can't go on with the pain but I can't have time off :/ I also feel like everyone thinks I make it up, I've been with my partner years and its got to the point that I rather wouldn't have sex which is putting a huge strain on us! I just feel so down and needed to vent! Sorry

[winniethepooh]

Hi Ashbash,

I am sorry to hear that you are having such a tough time. I have some ideas that may be helpful. First off, a lapo is a good thing, (i've had one) and it helps remove lots of things that are causing pain (woooo). R.e work, you could try and see if you can get sick pay (they should give you this really for being off ill), if not could you take it off as hols and get paid hol leave, if no to that, then you could try and get sick pay in benefits which people can claim if their employers don't pay them. Or, if you are on good terms with your parents don't be afraid to ask for financial help! This is your health and your future. I'm sure that people believe about your condition but when you are in pain the brain gets paranoid and confused, if you still worry about that give them this website link! Most importantly, talk to your partner, if he is understanding he will give you the best support you can get right now. I was honest with my boyfriend right from the start. We often laugh about the mess ups with sex, humour is the best way with this or it will tear you apart! and big hugs. WTP.

[lillyflower]

Hi I know how you feel, I'm self employed so had same problem. Is there an option to do any overtime before op or if you recover well you could go back sooner? I went back after a week but it was a struggle and still didn't work properly so depending on what you do as you can't do heavy lifting or stand too long, could you do a few part time hours? It's hard cause you do need to rest but also earn money. And I think most of us have same issues with sex so your not alone, I have to reassure my hubby that its not that I don't want him but I can't even think about it when I'm in constant pain. X

[crystal_willow]

It is so hard making ends meet when you first leave home and I applaud you for working towards independence.

Unfortunately (not all) younger guys are a little inexperienced and can behave a little entitled when it comes to sex. Now I am not saying that that is the case for your boyfriend as a lack of sex can add a strain to a relationship but It may help for him to learn more about endometriosis and how it effects you so he can imagine how he would like to be treated if the situation were reversed.

There are ways of working around the endo pain but you are only going to feel like doing it if you feel that he cares about how you feel.

When you say "I also feel like everyone thinks I make it up", who is "everyone". Collegues, friends, partner, family? Is it everyone or are there specific people whose unhelpful reactions are making you feel totally misunderstood?

Its easy to feel like everyone is judging us when its just a loud minority... although sometimes in life we really do find ourselves surrounded by people who assume the worst of us but that is unfortunate and one day you will meet more understanding people (or even find the strength to educate some of those around you who just dont understand.. not that it is your job to to do xx).

In terms of the surgery, it is important that you find out what is going on, especially if its causing this much difficulty for you.

Could you look into claiming statutory sick pay for the time you have off?

gov.uk/statutory-sick-pay/o...

I hope this is helpful

Crystal

x

[crystal_willow in reply to crystal_willow]

sorry for the bad wording.. I am ill today xx

[Ashbash]

Thanks for all your replies, it's so nice to know I'm not alone. My partner is fantastic and puts a front on that none of it bothers him, but I know it does, although again I could b being paranoid. Everyone is work, I've only been here 3 month and feel like they think I'm making it up. Although this has me stressed I'm looking forward to lap, every time I'm in pain I'm counting Down the days haha. Xx