Fed up and in need of a break

[AshleyO]

Hi all

Feeling totally fed up at the moment and just want it all to be over now!

I have an appointment with a gynacologist on Monday (still don't know 100% if it is endo).

Also, had several blood tests last week and the doctor called today for telephone consultation (as immediate action was not required). I have been cleared of ovarian cancer which is the biggest relief but they have found that I have very low vitamin b12 levels (as does my mother). It just feels like things are piling up and in finding it difficult to cope.

Just very fed up now. I need a break from the pain. My abdomen is swollen particularly large today and not in proportion with my body. It's often like this. I'm sick of moaning but it's the only coping strategy I seem to have at the moment. I have a supportive partner and family unit I have to admit, and I am very lucky for this. But I feel like I have been leaning on people so much recently and it's not fair on them.

Had an op in Feb 2012 to remove a 17cm by 12cm cyst from my left Fallopian tube (which killed my tube). Was told my left ovary was fine and fully funtioning but last month they found that my left ovary is 4 times bigger than the other and they suspect endo. I can't help but feel very emotional now. Any advice or encouraging words would help.

Thanks.

[Juleyanne]

It's no easy journey I know! I am presuming your right ovary is ok? Just to let you know I had two damaged tubes and had two separate operations to remove them. As you probably know up until today, it has taken the average endo sufferer 7/10 long years to confirm diagnosis. Today it is speeding up a bit thankfully. The sooner this 'gremlin' can be diagnosed the quicker and usually more effective the treatment, be it surgery or hormone injections to send you into pseudo temporary menopause to starve the endo of it's food oestrogen! The pain and symptoms are horrible but I'd advise that you should try to look it from an angle of 'I still have one functioning ovary' rather than mourning the lost damaged one and getting overwhelmed in that circle of thought which often leads to anxiety and depression. I found Mindfulness Meditation 10 week, 2 hours a week small group sessions at my local wellbeing centre helped alot. If you google you should find a group you can join. It helped me more than anti depressants and even helps with pain control.

Most buddhist centres do these mindfulness meditation sessions and courses and apparently the NHS is adopting this method of wellbeing too. If you research it on the internet it will explain the benefits on mind, body and soul. Hope this helps.

[Juleyanne]

I forgot to mention if you google Jon Kabatt Zinn who explains the concept of mindfulness meditation. You can see several utube videos on talks he gives all over the world to large companies and institutions on this such as google headquarters and health authorities worldwide.

[Abbs]

Ashley am so sorry to hear that you are feeling low but let me tell you we all have moments like this endo is a sneaky bastard so my advice is keep your heads high cos YOU ARE ENDO WARRIOR.

[lillyflower]

Hi I know how you feel, its like one more thing and it will push me off the edge! I had expected endo which was diagnosed by lap a month ago. However they also found lession and my tubes are bloked with hydrosalpinx so was told they need to be removed. I hadn't expected that and had hoped for some pain relief but its just got worse where every day I wake in pain and now have shooting pains in my legs aswell as the hip thigh aching! Anyway I found I was struggling to deal with it all and after some advice on here I went to docs on Wednesday. She listened and was very sympathetic which really helped and has given me new pills to try. They're for chronic pain but also used as anti depresent so she explained if we can reduce pain I'd feel better with the added bonus of hopefully making me feel better to cope with it all.IIve only had it two days so can't say if its working but am hopeful for a little relief so maybe a trip to docs would help. You may feel better once you have gyni appointment too , I have 3 more weeks till my follow up appointment so I'm hoping these keep me going till then. Your very lucky you have your family around you and they support you because they want to so never feel bad for that! I have a good friend who I moan to as my family are miles away so don't speak to them much and as they don't see me they really don't get how much it effects us.

Talking, moaning, all helps so don't bottle it up as that makes me worse and hope your gyni helps you Monday xx