Depression Ruining my relationship

I have been with my partner for a while now but my depression and mental health is not helping the situation. I cannot be at home with him and find myself not wanting to be in the same room as him due to everything leading to an argument and making me feel like I want to kill myself. We are not in a financial state that we can afford counselling and I am struggling to find a way to make this work but I want to try. Can anyone help???

5 Replies

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  • Hello sarac, assuming that your partner has no mental health problems and you have depression then it is likely that his opinion on most things is more balanced and correct. This won't always be true but if you really want to make things work then I think you temporarily at least have to accept this, which should avoid arguments and the pain it is obviously causing you. This is a better outcome for you although it is also unfair on you as you are going to be right some of the time ,even with depression.

    Depression is hard on you but your depression is also hard on your partner. Having a partner usually means that you are both stronger than you would be individually but this is especially true for you with depression and you are right to want to make it work. I only hope that your partner is a good one as accepting his point of view to avoid arguments could lead to his exploiting you to his advantage and if you see this happening then you will have to stand your ground and still hope that things come right in the end.

    Olderal

  • Are you getting help with your depression as an individual as help and support for this should not cost you anything and will in turn help you with your relationship. I myself suffer with depression and am incredibly argumentative but in getting the help for myself through my local mental health services I am learning how to help myself and also how to cope with things in my relationship. It's a slow process but there are people out there that can help.

    Also remember to say sorry if you are wrong, accept your wrongdoings and try to listen to your partner. If he is sticking by your side through this difficult time he's worth fighting for instead of with!!! If you need to take some time to clear your head, do it.

    L x

  • Hi Lrobson, thanks for your reply, I am getting help but my partner doesn't think I am being honest about it, they have recommended that we maybe live apart for a while until I get my straight as the relationship was strained prior to this all happening and they have recommended that we go back to having dates etc to see if this helps. He isn't wanting that and wants me in the house full time except when at work. This is stressing me out and making me feel really anxious. I honestly am at my wits end with it. We haven't had a normal fun relationship for years we are always arguing and it's always me that feels like the bad one.

  • I 100% relate and can totally understand. After about 6 months of me and my husband living a miserable marriage filled with argumments and hatred but not wanting to part (he sounds much like your partner) I finally gained the courage to walk out...I left and returned countless times but this time I realised it had to be a proper split. I moved in with a friend, spent 3 months in a drunken messed up way trying my hardest to be happy, went out dancing with friends, stayed in bed for days on end, got signed off work but do you know what it was the best thing I ever did for me and my marriage...we both learnt that we needed each other, remembered why we fell in love went out on dates, had fun and fell in love with each other again. We realised how horrible we were being to each other and I realised that I have real issues with my mental health but that he isn't perfect either, he doesn't like me going out socialising but he knows now that he has to suck it up and lump it, I'm not going to cheat on him or run away (alltho the running away part is tempting sometimes!!). Our relationship is far from perfect now but we are so much stronger as a couple now than we ever were before we split, if we hadn't done it then we wouldn't have made it to now.

    Do what you feel is right for you, everything happens for a reason. Your relationship may or may not work out but you have to look after yourself, make YOU your priority and get yourself better.

    L x

  • Hi sarac im sorry to see you are having problems have you considered taking him to councilling and that way you can both talk through how you can deal with how you healths a problem if it indeed is ! Mental health puts a strain on any partnership it might help if he gets more information to help him better understand you ! Please take care and i wish you both well david

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