so fed up!

This year has been so hard. I have developed diabetic glaucoma in my right eye. It started with a pain in my right eye and headache in January. I have now had about 10 laser surgeries. My eyesight has deteriorated that 6 weeks ago I couldn't see out of my r eye. It is slowly improving and I can make out blurred colours.

Went to see the consultant again today who was training another Dr. He said to her that we are trying to save the sight in the right eye before it goes. Last time he told me it is being caused by ischaemic disease. He can't understand why after all the laser treatment, 18 eye drops a day and 2 tablets my eye is not responding.

I am scared stiff but I can't share with my family. My eldest brother had a heart attack 6 weeks ago. My great nephew has just had a kidney transplant and my niece is having medical problems as well.

I try to keep fit by cycling. The consultant has told me that I'm only allowed to ride 10 miles at a time.

The tablets I'm on make everything taste disgusting. Any fizzy drinks taste like battery acid (not that I've tried it). My appetite has reduced (not a problem) but it has taken away my energy and makes me so tired. I tried making an appointment with my GP on Tuesday and I got 23/7! I am self-harming to help with the stress but all she said last time was 'Don't do it!'

To top it all I couldn't make an appointment with a client this pm because of the hospital timings (they let me know 2 days ago that it was today) She knows all that has been going on with my eyes and she was very sarcastic in her text. If I didn't need the money so much I'd tell her.........

Sorry for the moaning but I had to let rip.

7 Replies

  • Hi

    It sounds as if you are having a very difficult time right now. It sounds very reasonable that you are struggling. I read the other day about someone who used to self harm but now draws something beautiful on her leg. She finds it helpful. My concern is that cuts can become infected, so even if you continue please make sure you keep them clean. I care what happens to you.

    I understand your reasons for not sharing with your family and it shows the kind person you are. I am concerned you don't have the support you need. S there someone else to turn to? I hope letting rip here helped a little. I know it's difficult to eat when you don't feel.hungry but eating helps to improve not just your energy levels but your mood. I may be wrong but I sense that you have some issues about weight, from what you have said. It seams as if you are finding ways to cope. Sometimes those choices that we make in order to get through are not the most helpful. I over eat and don't sleep for example. A start may be taking multi vitamins if you don't feel able to eat yet. It is not surprising with everything you have going on that this is a really difficult time. You are doing well keeping going.

  • Dear Allestklar123

    Thanks for reading between the lines. I messaged a colleague last night and she wants to come with me to my next appointment. Her daughter, who I used to teach, also sent me a lovely message. It's nice to know how caring people are.

  • Hello trachet

    Reading above you need to discuss your worries with your GP. Generally when visiting hospital ask for copies of the letter the GP gets and then make an appointment to see Him/Her and discuss together the findings and outlook for your condition.

    Your family has gone through the mill although this should not stop you discussing your fears and worries. Your needs need to be met as well as theirs.

    When you see your GP explain your feelings and ask for some support while you are suffering your treatments. It is very difficult for many patients to understand their problems and when we worry this can just make matters worse.

    If you are self harming you need also discuss this with your GP. Your condition, Depression enters a new problem that needs to be looked in and this should be looked into in its own right.

    If you feel your life is at risk from your actions and you are having problems with your GP you can change your Practice GP who will possibly be more sympathetic to your problems and worries.

    If all is not possible and the Surgery cannot see you for a long period of time, Call the 24/7 Emergency line and explain that you feel at risk they can assist you in getting some form of immediate help. If this is not the case you can either go into Hospital Emergency room and they can arrange some Crisis Management If you feel in danger of damaging yourself. The other option is to remove yourself from a crisis like Self harming this can be done by going to the police station and they will arrange a Crisis Team to see you.

    Personally, go and try and make an Emergency Appointment at your Surgery. Explain your worries to reception and they can give early access to A GP. It is very important that you discuss your hospital treatment with your GP as the Surgery can put your mind at rest.


  • Bob thanks for your lovely reply. I have found out that my GP is back on Thursday so its fingers crossed that I can get an emergency appt. when I phone at 8.

  • Good luck, you know where we are


  • Nearly ended up in hospital. I have developed cellulitis where I have been self- harming. On antibiotics and I have had a dressing put on it. So no access to the skin.

  • Hello

    All I can suggest is you look upon this as a sign not to cut??.

    It reminds me when I was young, I used to and still do bite my nails. They used to put plasters on my fingers so as to allow them to grow.

    Strange things we remember


You may also like...