I'm feeling low again, not deeply depressed but just pervasively low and without any motivation to do anything. Probably I am tired. I am sleeping badly at the moment as arthritis at the top of my spine triggers Fybromyalgia muscle spasms in my arms and pain in my shoulders as well, so I sleep on my left side but then have intense hip pain when I wake most days as well as extreme stiffness in my neck and shoulders although thankfully all of those ease over time once I am up and have got going. This morning I went to see my GP to ask about referral to the pain clinic but commented on my only taking Duloxetine once instead of twice daily (didn't realise it was a twice daily med) and suggested I wait to see the effects of taking it twice daily and whether that reduces my pain. I've also been over-doing it lately. We have had our kitchen overhauled to bring it up to date, so now have a range cooker and additional units as well as new worktops all around - I'm ambivalent about the changes, I like the lighter worktop even though our previous ones in Iroko and Marble were much better quality than the new melamine. But it does all look lighter and brighter. I really dislike the rough texture of the range cooker top, but the cooker suits the room and having more units paradoxically makes the room look bigger. We did the changes mainly in order to keep the house up-to-date so when the market has improved at our price range we can try to sell the house. We will have to downsize, the house is too big and garden is becoming impossible to manage - but those of you who know me will know all about that!
How are you all - those of you who know me? I feel in need of contact and support at the moment as I would easily become very weepy if I allowed myself to do so - instead I am trying not to get into feelings...
I still haven't managed to get back into producing any art. I have an idea about a theme which would enable me to produce a whole range of work but can't really get enthusiastic about any of it because I feel too depressed. I don't know what's the matter with me... I've spent too much of my life wasting time but still find myself doing that despite realising it's stupid as I only have one life.
Nothing much else to say really, just trying to find the energy to begin something.
I'd love it if some of you who know me would write back, it would be lovely to feel supported by you all again. I hope you are not too low, I know some of you have been feeling low again but others are doing really well
Love and hugs,
Sue
Written by
secondhandrose2
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Hiya sweet Sue. I am sorry to hear you are feeling so low again as the last time I spoke to you you were pottering along nicely and looking forward to starting your arts and crafts again.
I think with all the house improvements you have got yourself overtired and anxious so give the dust time to settle and just carry on as normal. You will find the time and energy to do your creative things again, you know you will so hand on to that love.
Hello Sue, really sorry to hear you are going through a low phase at the moment. I'm not up to writing too much but did want to try and support; so I'm saying "hello". My news is that I'm not too bad. My niece had her wedding at the weekend and it went very well. I'm sort of managing ok.
Realise this is a little late by way of a reply but have only just seen your post Sue.
Just seen your post. I'm so sorry that you are struggling with a general feeling of being down. The pain and not sleeping has such an impact on how we feel and then not being able to do the things you enjoy such as getting out into the garden. I don't need to tell you that. Everything seems a bit overwhelming or you just can't be bothered and then, as you say, you berate yourself for not getting on. Sue, you do have a lot to contend with though. Also it just gets tiring having to make an effort all the time to feel better. It is hard work managing depression. You have to try and drown out those negative thoughts and it isn't easy. Telling you that you have nothing to look forward to and that it will never get better. Also depression just magnifies if we feel lonely or empty. Don't beat yourself up. Accept it for what it is and just tackle what you can. Easier said than done I know. You aren't alone though.
I'm a bit empty and weepy myself at the moment so I'm throwing myself into making lists and tackling lots of tasks. I don't want to think because that is when I will crumble. Funny how your brain tries to sabotage you with negative thoughts. Maybe funny isn't the right word........
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