Been feeling very on and off for the last wee while - stresses about work, and our management re-structure, my contract ending, and a really awkward team meeting where someone decided to air their grievances and ended up threatening to quit (just found out today that she HAS quit, which is good in one way because she wasn't a team-player, but at the same time it leaves us a key staff-member short at a time when there's a huge shake-up with jobs and no one really knows what's going on).
My contract ending means that I will need to move, so stressing about moving to a new place, finding a new job, getting a new flat....having to adjust to moving away from my support net of family and friends and I'm worried that I won't look after myself if there's no one there to notice.
I got very worked up this evening and was feeling the whole lot: irritated, annoyed with myself, wanting to delete all the writing I'd done, wishing I hadn't said stuff, anxiety about if I'd locked doors or was the gas cooker leaking or was the hack on my finger going to get infected. I could feel my chest tightening, and my jaw and mouth stiffening up. I felt sick and felt as if I couldn't breathe.
But now it's calmed down. I just feel really exhausted now. The whole thing about panic attacks only lasting for 30 minutes is pretty accurate, I guess; I just need to keep telling myself that when I'm actually feeling anxious.