Is that it then?

Today did not start well. Those of you who have read previous blogs of mine might remember that I struggle with rapid cycling mood swings. these are usually well managed by medication, but the last few weeks have been a roller-coaster ride of elation verging on mania alternating with terror filled desperation. Today dawned tearfully, with feelings of helplessness.

Today was the day of W9R3, yes, the graduation run. It was only sheer bloody mindedness that got me into my trainers and out of the door. It was hard work, my mood, the gusting north-easterly wind in my asthmatic lungs, and general exhaustion. But, I did it. 30 minutes non-stop for the third time in 5 days. Only covered 2.25 miles, but at this point I don't really care about that.

I was hoping that reaching this goal would lift my mood, but I was left with a feeling of "Is that it then?". No fireworks, no balloons, no prizes. Just a drink of water and a banana.

31 Replies

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  • Bravissima. Good on you! Brilliant. Fantastico! I'm sure you'll get that inner glow sooner or later. What a star. I love the bit about "sheer bloody mindedness".

  • Well done. You should be very proud of yourself. You have completed the programme, you have fought against your mood swings and won. You are a graduate. I think that's great. Once again - well done you! Congratulations.

    Viki :-)

  • Awwww hunnnney, I don't know you and have never messaged you, but I have seen your contributions and messages to others! Many, many congratulations, bells, whistles, balloons, fireworks and champagne bubbles too ... Upon your graduation! I sit back and marvel in complete awe and admiration of you and all the effort you have made in spite of problems in your life. You are an inspiration to those of us who are still weeks behind you. I hope you will soon find a time and mood to celebrate and feel 150% brilliant about your achievement. I look forward to seeing your graduation badge alongside your name very soon. Linda :) X

  • Thank you Linda. You made me cry, again! xx

  • Drat, don't say that ... you'll get me going too LOL xx

  • Congratulations! Go get that green shiny badge! Well done :-)

  • I think you're brilliant.

    Have read some of your blogs over the last few weeks and the way you encourage other people, not realising that you have these issues to deal with.

    You have a big heart and a good soul so WELL DONE YOU !

    x :)

  • Thank you gypsydepp x

  • Congratulations, I am so pleased you've graduated. Give yourself a huge pat on the back and a hug, because you really deserve it. :) Have a cup of earl grey at least?

    Re mood swings - I recently read that over-training can affect the body in a very similar way to depression. Repeated over-exertion is a drain on the immune system/limbic system and can cause a rise in cortisol (this is from memory and may not be accurate scientifically, but the gist of it is) which may be responsible for the ghastly early morning waking and low mood.

    Those of us (quite a few, I suspect) that have taken up running to help with mood issues, may also have a tendency to be very hard on ourselves and aim for rather unrealistic targets. Which can lead to overtraining, which then does the exact opposite of what we're after. But if we don't realise why we feel worse, we punish ourselves even more for not succeeding. So do take care not to push yourself too hard.

    You are a lovely caring person - tell yourself that and care about yourself enough to believe it.

  • Thank you for your kind words Greenlegs.

    I've had the mood and panic problems for over 30 years. I inherited them from my Dad (I would have preferred his musical talents!) and unfortunately my older daughter has inherited them from me. There are worse things in life! x

  • Congratulaions on completing the C25K plan, earl-grey-sian! That is a great achievement especially with all your health issues - and continuing through the winter too, which I imagine aggravated your asthma...?

    I hope at some point you'll feel up to giving yourself a big pat on the back as you look forward to rest of your running life.

  • Kudos to you and your awesome determination to get out there and get it done!

    Maybe your grand achievement hasn't quite registered yet and you'll feel a bit better once you receive your green graduation badge of honor.

  • EGS, you continue to amaze and inspire myself and many others. When i think i am having a bad run because my feet ache, i read one of your blogs and everything is alright with the world.You will know that i have been having problems in my own world and the matter we discussed yesterday was a very real fear for me. Your reaction to that made me realise that my problems are really not that important. You put me straight with your no nonsense advice for which i thank you. I love you Sian x x x

  • Thank you Ed. I just hope that if you ever feel like that again you'll remember my voice in your ear and the things I said. x

  • Yes i will x x

  • Congratulations on pushing through and smashing W9R3! Obviously your sheer focussedness meant you missed all of your fellow C25Kers waving virtual pom poms as you smashed the final 30 minutes of the program :D

    Oh, and less of the 'only' please, as in 'only managed.....' you have just ran for 30 minutes you should be saying you smashed 2.25 miles because I know in week 1 I never thought I'd manage 50 yards never mind distances into miles :) Give yourself a huge smile for achieving something all of us think is impossible in week 1 - :D :D :D <---- like this!

    Seriously though, well done and best of luck with your post-grad running x x x

    P.S. I'm still waving my pom poms for you ;)

  • Congratulations EGS - you are a real inspiration. Look forward to seeing the green badge. Hopefully your mood will lift very soon and you will get to enjoy your achievement.

  • Congratulations - it is an achievement and one you have been pleased to see others reach so recognise what you have done and how far you have come. I think when you come to the end there is a bit of anxiety of what to do once the challenge is over. I am just enjoying listening to my own music and consolidating the 30 min . I hope you continue to enjoy your running.

  • Congrats EGS, you have done brilliantly; I have loved reading your posts and had no idea of your problems; go get your graduation badge and order a graduate Tshirt, be proud of every footstep and breath you have invested in this, and carry on giving us all great advice! :-)

  • Congratulations! Wear your badge with pride and know you earned it! Thank you for being the caring person you are to so many here on the board. I know your having problems but I can only hope you will be richly blessed for the concern and love you share. Gayle

  • Thank you everyone. I knew you'd all make me feel better :-) You are all wonderful x

  • Congratulations!! & in answer to your question, no that's not it - you have many lovely healthy runs ahead of you, whatever you choose for your next aim. Keep hold of that sheer bloody mindedness, it will come in handy! :-)

  • Whoop whoop Sian.....belated virtual cheerleeding dance being done for you! A huge journey, battles fought and won. Well done lady! Xxx

  • Sian!!! Babycakes!! course its not it!! its just the beginning :-)

    get setting yourself another challenge - you can do it, because you did this!!

    you should take on board what our fellow runners have put on here - give yourself a huge pat on the back, a big cheer, a whoop whoop and grin like a cheshire cat!!

    we've all got our demons, they're all different and of varying degrees, but a big common factor is our ability to run (in whatever style and however fast) and this here supportive forum.

    keep us all updated, in whatever you do. You're a lovely supportive lady who deserves good things.

    ali x

  • Well done Sian. It is odd when you finish the last run. We probably build up the expectation in our head quite high. Then when we finish we look around and there is no one there. No cheering crowds and the world carries on much the same as before and so does our day. But we know that we have achieved something real, which has taken real work and effort and sometimes pain. I hope you feel proud of yourself and that you carry on running, I'm sure you will. Enjoy your new level of fitness and a nice cup of Earl Grey!

  • Sian, you are an inspiration. To make it through c25k and a particularly nasty last run is amazing when one is well and life is easy, so you have done especially brilliantly - very well done. I hope that the fireworks, applause, pompoms etc kick in when you can take a minute or two to appreciate what you've achieved, but if not, don't worry 'cos all your friends on here are cheering for you. Congratulations on your graduation :) and all best wishes for your future runs.

    Annie xx

  • Thank you everyone for your support. You've helped me put everything into perspective. Thank you, you're all wonderful x

  • Well done! Great to know that you made it. "Sheer bloody-mindedness" can be a force for good if you let it.

    Big hugs

    Steve

  • Congratulations Sian! Have been away this weekend and only just seen this xxx

  • Sian, I've only just read this, and am so in awe with what you have done. The lovely comments from everybody are amazing, and it all brought a tear to my eye. You are a strong person because you have completed what you set out to do, irrespective of the hurdles and challenges along the way. So sending you lots of congratulations and hugs, you deserve it. And keep on running and blogging, you are an inspiration!

  • Well done Sian, this made such lovely reading, all these people are sending you those fireworks and balloons you wanted 'and deserve' me too, congratulations xx

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