Wife Dealing with Husband who has End Stage COPD

My Name is Maureen my husband has end stage COPD he has been battling it for quite some time now. he's been in and out of hospital's with breathing problems going into distress, he's 65 and he's on end of life hospice program. The Hospice program keeps telling him that he's got 6 months or less too live and but he's more mobile then most hospice patients are at his age. He was a long Haul trucker for 27 years same company and i'am a young 38 1/2 year old female and this is my second marriage my first husband died in 2003 he was 21 he had lymphoma b cell cancer he battled for 21/2 years. i'am not ready too loose my husband yet i love him more than life it's self i have no support besides the hospice service. The Husband's family are no use they are walk all over me and treat me disrespectfully. My Family doesn't care much for me either even though i'am going through so much right now. It's hard too watch your loved one battling lung problems you wish you could take their pain away and put it on yourself. But hopefully wives who are looking for support know there is always support if you need too talk ...

17 Replies

  • Don't take too much notice of the Hospice predictions. I am also 'end stage' and I was told I would have 3 years, maximum, but that was 8 years ago! Giving support is almost as difficult as having the disease (ask my hubby) and you face a difficult task. Do come on here as often as you feel the need for some support.

  • Thank You for that... But I am watching my husband decline everyday. The hospice tells their patients that they have six months due too Medicare guidelines. But he also told that since October of 2015. He can't do a whole lot anymore, he has too have help in and out of bed. He has too have help walking he gets very weak on his feet.

  • Thank you I will

  • I come back often it's nice knowing I'm not alone with this an my feelings. Pk hendrix

  • Hello Maureen. Your post is heartbreaking. I understand what you are going through. My husband is also in stage 4/end stage. He is older than I by a few years and also has family that isn't very helpful during this time. I am sorry that you are without much support during this stage. It has been very hard for me to see my husband go from an active working man to a very angry and depressed shell of a man. He has a daughter and son who live in other states from us, and it has become a burden for them to even call to see how he is doing. I dare not say anything to them for fear of retribution. We are not quite ready for hospice. I think that when hospice is brought up in conversations, it becomes the final end. My husband worked in chemical plants most of his adult life and smoked as well. I am his caregiver and at times I just sit and cry because I know that he will be gone in a short time. This is also my second marriage. My first husband died in a motorcycle accident when he was 27. It was hard losing him and now I am losing my second husband. I hope you can find peace within yourself and don't let your families be the burden on your shoulders.

  • Hey Melissa!

    His family lives in Oregon and are both bi-polar and they told me that it's too bad they couldn't care for him... First thing his son works 40 hours a week for Boeing and his daughter goes to collage all week and has issues. They have walked all over me for eight years. We thought that moving 1200 miles away they would stop but nope their negitative behavior has continued. I have tried too be nice too the family for my husband's sake. We have 25 yrs between us. I am not ready too loose my husband yet I thought that we'd have more time together.

  • Maureen,

    I hope I can ask a couple of questions? So here goes... Did you guys live in Oregon to begin with? You moved 1200 miles away because of his family? Sounds like his son and daughter couldn't care for your husband in the first place, bi-polar is awful. So your husband is much older. How old are his children? My husband, Mark, has 2 children. age 26 and 29. They are self-absorbed at this age. They are both married with families and I understand how hard it is for them to see their dad like this. I have tried to be a nice step-mom to them at I understand the being walked on. I have a daughter who is 15, and she is rebellious now. It is really hard taking care of family when you feel all alone. My family has never cared for Mark, they think he was too old for me. I am 40 and he is 55. Having lost my first husband was difficult, and knowing that I will lose Mark is absolutely devastating. I am here for you, and know that I feel the same way.

  • Melissa!

    My husband is 65 and I am gonna be 39 in September and his children are in their middle 40's he's got two boys and a daughter who is also late 40's and his other daughter would be the same age as the one that's in her late 40's and she died when she was 2 months old she had severe bronchial neuphomnia. And I have tried too be a good step mom too them but they have tried too split me and my husband apart for 8 years and it seemed too make me and my husband's marriage stronger. My family doesn't care for my husband and I have told my family you have a choice either accept him or none of us! And so I don't talk too my family at all, they don't show me any kind of support. I have my biological dad in Boston where I was born and raised. That's where I am planning on going when my husband passes away because that's where I have support I have relatives there. I am here if you need to talk we are good support for each other if you want you can text me (971)801-3464

  • I also understand the Bi-Polar issue... I was diagnosed with Bi-Polar type II (there are two forms, and type II is the milder version) about 6 years ago.

  • Thats great that you are standing up for him ,I live with bi polar daughter n law an kids to I understand,god Bless. Pk hendrix

  • You know he don't have to bed ridden to get hospice ,they have been a god send to me ,lot of the meds are free through them oxygen ,wheel chairs,beds just thought you might want to know pk hendrix

  • I'm sorry you're both going through this... My Dad died when I was 19 (I'm 66 now), but I watched him struggle for more than 10 years before he died from Emphysema. I think it was almost as painful for my Mom to watch ... Now, she's 96, and (ask me why I ever started smoking?!!) I've been dealing with COPD/asthma/emphysema for about 15 years, and it's really upsetting to her. This is a really Hellish disease - and also, I'm pretty tired of the judgemental and derogatory comments people think they somehow have a right to make because it's caused by smoking...

  • Maureen,

    Hello again. I will be 41 in September. Too cool! It is wonderful to hear that you and your husband are stronger. It sounds like the children are jealous or selfish. You must be relieved to be away from them. I wish I had a cell phone. With the medical bills that the insurance doesn't pay, we have to pay and it is very hard to make ends meet. My daughter has one that my parents pay for as long as she is getting good grades in school. My parents bought me a laptop computer. I am still trying to figure out how this Facebook thing works. I feel like I have been out of the loop for quite awhile, just ask my daughter. She is too busy to help me do anything. So your from Boston. You are quite a ways from home. My husbands children live in Ohio, so they can be close to their mom. We don't get much support from family. My parents try, but they are pretty set in their ways. I don't get out much, it is a full-time job making sure the machines are running smoothly. I swear its a 24/7 job. Well I have babbled enough. It has been a long time since I have interacted with someone other than Mark, the hospital staff who know me by name, and my family. I worked up until 7 months ago when his condition got worse and needed to be on oxygen all the time.

  • Hey Melissa!

    Good too hear from you again i know what you mean about a 24/7 job it is when it comes too our sick husbands! I have a question for you how long did your husband Mark smoke for? My husband Austin had smoked for 50 so odd years being a long haul trucker that's all they can do with their time. He has been tobacco free for going on seven days now today. I am so proud of him too wanting too quit but it's kinda late now. I wish I could take the pain that my husband is suffering and put it on me and not him. His children are very selfish and they want too take advantage of their dad"s weakened state because right now we are on one income right now and that's mine! And it pays our rent and our bills and it doesn't leave much for groceries at the end. Too answer your question yes iam from Boston and I miss being home where my family is ! My mom who lives In Phoenix 90 miles from us won't make the commute down here too see us. She's too busy being a state of Arizona foster mom and she has turned her back on me eight years ago I have had mother support in my life,and I can't wait too go back too my home town. Well it sounds like you and I are two peas in a pod. I can only give you strengthen through support of words you are doing a excellent job taking care of your husband and don't let anyone ever take that away from you. Have you ever looked into hospice too help with your husbands condition? Because they will pay for medications and supplies that he needs and they will cover the medical costs you will never see another medical bill. Trust me it's an option I am just letting you know,my husband is with a great hospice group their group name is Gerinet Hospice here in Tucson Az great bunch of people. They are there for my husband around the clock. Also there for me as well with moral and emotional support and they always give me the comfort that I need too get me through.i can help you find one in your area if you'd like the help I would be happy too help you guys out it would be my pleasure. You have been like an angel put into my life like someone knows and feels what I am going through I wish I could get you a cellphone I would do in a heart beat! Well it's 10:51 pm here in Tucson I'd better get off here and go sneak into bed before he wakes up the sun rises early in the valley of the sun! Iam always here for you Melissa. You can email me at moddogga2016@gmail.com my private email you and I can talk more then just here.


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  • Hello Maureen,

    It has been a crazy couple of days in my world. Sorry I didn't respond earlier. To answer your question, Mark has been smoking off and on for 35 years. He worked at a paint plant for 30 years and had to take an early retirement because of his health. He has lung cancer, but with his COPD, it doubles his breathing problems. I have been married to him for 7 years and its been really tough the last couple. When Mark and his first wife divorced, she got quite a bit of his retirement. He just wanted to be done, and move on. They were married for 28 years. So If his children expect any money when he passes, there isn't any. It has gone on his care. It sounds like your husbands children only want money from him? I think I will pause for now. My email address is Melissapope975@yahoo.com. I would like to communicate with you more.

  • your husband came home to be with his family and he is healthier than he was when he was with you. you have him back with you now. try to keep him healthy.

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