Hi everyone. Back in December I posted looking for feedback on whether or not to start treatment based on persistent fatigue that was out of sync with the blood work and size of nodes. As usual everyone who commented were so helpful and gave me lots to think about. I intended to report back after the CT and BM tests came back. But then, the day before the tests, my adult child had a serious medical event and was 3 plus weeks in ICU. All turned out well thanks to world class medical treatment, but it was an intense stretch where the outcome was not certain at all. The fatigue I had been dealing with abated quite a bit during that time - the magic of adrenaline I suppose- and I thought I would definitely push treatment off for another year or so. Once everything settled down however, family encouraged me to get the CT and BM tests that had been postponed just to see where I was in terms of tumor load. I updated my bio with the details, but basically the cancer is concentrated in the bone marrow (as NewDawn I think suggested could happen) with quite high infiltration in BM and increasing abdominal nodes also indicating progression. The fatigue came back too of course once I wasn't in a constant state of fight or flight. So I start V&O in March. I am in Boston now where kid lives and will have treatment at Dana Farber. I am sure there is some anxiety that I successfully repress, but I feel very optimistic and excited to get started. Here are some thoughts on all of this.
The whole W&W thing needs to be seriously revamped. It's a holdover from before they knew so much about the genetics of this cancer and did not have all the targeted therapies. This of course is hardly a novel observation and I know that there are studies ongoing intended to move towards treatment based on risk stratification (ashpublications.org/thehema.... I came across (maybe posted here..?) a study that was proposing to more precisely identify very low and low risk CLL/SLL and just have them routine monitored by their GP with the idea that the majority of those truly have an "indolent" and "chronic" cancer, whereas the intermediate and high risk profiles get channeled into specialist care to determine best treatment approach based on individual symptoms and labs. This would substantially modify or replace the blanket W&W approach.
Asymptomatic vs below guideline symptoms. I think that this, or the messaging about it, gets easily confused, especially in combo with W&W. The first 2 hematologists I saw definitely conveyed the message that I had more of a 'technical' cancer than a real one and that the odds were I would either never need treatment or at least would not need it for many years. The message was go away and don't worry about it until bloods are completely messed up. That made no sense to me because I only got diagnosed after a year of bouts of serious fatigue and enlarged nodes. (My symptoms were dismissed as a combo of menopausal and neurotic.) I think there is a scenario where you get Dx inadvertently and have no symptoms in which case that approach I would like to think would have worked for me. But after a year of symptoms leading to a diagnosis I was confused and angry with this messaging.
The 2018 treatment guidelines, while informed by experts, are still pretty arbitrary and based primarily on pre genetics and pre targeted therapy experiences of those experts. These will change I think (or hope) in the next few years to better fit the risk stratification approach. The classic B symptoms are an interesting example of the arbitrariness of cut offs and definitions. I had some hot flashes with perimenopause pre my SLL Dx, but the nature, persistence and intensity of the mini day and night (usually more severe at night) sweats was different and tracked the other symptoms of bothersome lymph nodes and fatigue. (Also they were not like the much briefer and short lived menopausal hot flashes of my mother and sisters). The fatigue waxed and waned but I had fewer and fewer good days over time. It was really last summer when the fatigue set in so much that I wasn't able to work full time or do anything fun, but I still questioned whether it was a B symptom justifying treatment.
So let me wrap this up with advice and gratitude. Advice- if you get Dx because of symptoms push hard to get a genetic profile so you can try to assess risk and if you have intermediate or high risk features go to a specialist in CLL. Work on having confidence that you are the expert on you- yes fatigue can be caused by stress, depression, anxiety and lymph nodes can wax and wane for non cancer reasons- but be the expert on yourself and try to sort out what makes sense. But also being an expert on yourself requires educating yourself as much as possible, including engaging with but also listening to the disease experts. (not all of them of course- some 'experts' are bad or bad fits, and you have to acknowledge that and switch to the extent you are able to). Gratitude- this site, its crazy good moderators and contributors have been amazing. I learned so much, was directed to so many high quality resources, and was reassured by others shared experiences (the posts by men who reported bothersome and increasing hot flashes was a real "i know i am not crazy' moment, as were all the posts of the various permutations of fatigue and unwellness). Thank you all so much.