Wedding Blues: Screwed up all my courage to... - CLL Support

CLL Support

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Wedding Blues

otonal profile image

Screwed up all my courage to attend the wedding service for my friend’s daughter which was postponed for a year. Not confident enough to risk the reception and so glad I didn’t. We were the only ones wearing masks in the church apart from a few who wore them on the way in and some staff. Heard quite a few comments that masks were optional, so would not be needed. Got a few side-glances and well-meant “are you OKs” as if I was about to be carried out on a stretcher. Quite honestly I felt like a leper. I didn’t usually cry at weddings, I do now!

29 Replies

I'm sorry a happy occasion was filled with anxiety for you. I have a new grandson and because my son and daughter-in-law are not vaccinated I must visit with him outside on the porch. Today my son is going to drop him off at my home instead. I am telling myself that the brief hand-off-time will be safe enough and that my tiny grandson won't be a germ factory. I am tired of fighting with my son about the vaccine. I live in Florida, the land of covid denial.

LeoPa profile image
LeoPa in reply to czbm

Does he know that you have CLL?

czbm profile image
czbm in reply to LeoPa

Yes, he knows. I truly do not understand his reluctance to protect his family. You don't need to look far in Florida for misinformation.

LeoPa profile image
LeoPa in reply to czbm

That is very inconsiderate of him. 😑

So sorry you had a bad experience at the wedding service. I hope you get your confidence back to go out somewhere else. People are beginning not to use their masks so much (in UK) but many still think it's a good idea in crowded situations.

Maybe this is now normal. I attended a reception yesterday in memory of an old and dear friend. Most people there were over 60. I was the only one to wear a mask! (UK)

Well done for wearing your mask; I now quite a few people who have gone somewhere and taken their asks off because no-one else was wearing them. And quite a few ended up catching covid. Many of the non mask wearers haven't had the vaccine either. But I am sorry that all this made this wedding difficult and left you feeling "like a leper". YOU were the brave sensible one there, amongst so many lemmings. Send a big socially distanced hug, Liz

Thank you all for your kind words, it is good not to feel alone! Life certainly feels harder since the easing of all UK restrictions. The message seems to be that normal life is back. Lovely to watch the Proms, but note that a conductor has had to pull out for undisclosed reasons and Adam Ant has just cancelled a gig because of Covid in the band.

mrsjsmith profile image
mrsjsmith in reply to otonal

So sorry to hear about your bad experience at a wedding.

It was only yesterday that I thought that under different circumstances I could have tickets booked for the Proms. Brought home all the extra stress we are all under now.

Colette

I wonder what if I went out in public in a T-shirt saying "Blood cancer patient. Stay away. It's contagious"😁 Instead I wear an ffp2 mask and tell everyone who is willing to listen that I have developed allergies and have to wear a mask at all times unless I want to keep coughing, spitting and sneezing all day long.

This what I wear when I'm out and about! (printed back and front - and it works)

Tabard
Belfastbees profile image
Belfastbees in reply to Bartley

I do like the direct approach and can see how it would work. You should'nt have to disclose your medical history though saying someting broader like 'Immuno-compromised - please step back' will be lost on most people, because people are dumb and people are selfish.

Bartley profile image
Bartley in reply to Belfastbees

Tried various different wording on previous tabards and the public didn't understand. Hence the word cancer. It would appear that most people not only understand but respect it. I don't enjoy parading my illness, but if it is the only way to keep people at a safe distance then it is a small price to pay!

claree_ford profile image
claree_ford in reply to Bartley

Wow! Seriously impressive. I have seen masks saying KEEP YOUR DISTANCE. I thought they were a good idea though I’d need to add “please” (because I’m terminally over polite😀).

Bartley profile image
Bartley in reply to claree_ford

Thanks! During first lockdown and newly diagnosed, I felt so unsafe and vulnerable just stepping outside. This tabard has worked well for me, so well that people have stopped me to ask where they can buy one for family members or friends who are clinically extremely vulnerable! The odd shop that I have dared venture in the staff and customers alike are so kind, supportive and respectful, staying many metres away from me. Best £6.99 spent.🤗

SofiaDeo profile image
SofiaDeo in reply to Bartley

This reminds me of the sign I wore in college on my back, for a few months, "Don't Bump Please, Broken Collarbone". Until I wore it, I was getting jostled from behind.

I am going to my son’s wedding next week and must admit I’m anxious about it. Would have been easier before the recent lockdown. Hopefully, the ceremony is to be outside, it is the UK 🙄 but I may have to leave as the evening event approaches. I am only going out once a day for a walk at the moment to keep safe and have noticed a complete disregard for distancing, in fact I get weird looks when I do so. “It’s all over” is clearly the attitude. I fear I shall be watching life from the sidelines for a long time yet.

I will be wearing my mask and I empathise with you when you say you plucked up the courage to attend……..I shall be a nervous wreck as the day draws nearer! As for all the hugs and handshakes I am afraid I am going to appear very, very rude!

I think that you made the right decision regarding avoiding the reception. It is indeed a sad sign of the times that we have to make these choices but the risk of potential Covid infection and consequences is too high to do otherwise. Best wishes.

It galls me to think we may all have to become rude and ignorant and disclose our condition to people we dont know. For most people the protection of the vaccine or the effects of infection are such they do not need to consider covid much. Most people also will be sympathetic to your concerns, but not to the point of altering their behaviour. Its up to us to manage it. Perhaps explain you could end up cooking the next variant which might just defeat the vaccine even better than the Delta. Its not over yet, by a long shot. Not for anyone.

PaulaS profile image
PaulaSVolunteer

Very sorry to hear that Otonal... Good for you in wearing the mask at the wedding. I can understand you not going to the reception though... I would've done the same.

As others have said, it's a sad situation that we're all in these days...

Paula

I went to my niece's wedding which was outside and I was the only masked person. This was 2 days after my state dropped the mask mandate and 100 people at the wedding did just that. I sat apart and skipped the reception dinner. My sister-in-law wanted to hug and assured me that she was vaccinated. I am not a hugger, period. She was hugging everyone and that seemed like a super-spreader exposure to me the non-hugger with immune issues and low neutrophils. I was worried for the next 2 weeks, watching for covid symptoms. I did not enjoy the experience.

People teased me for wearing a mask inside and “informed” me that masks were not required any more since Covid was over! I answered, “why does my wearing a mask bother you??”

And added …” it covers my wrinkles “ and they laughed….

After a short time , mask wearing was reimposed for inside public venues because of an upsurge in cases ….

If I get into a taxi I ask the driver to please put on a mask and say that I am sensitive… most people accommodate, there are always individuals who want to make a point ….. We can’t change everyone ! So I open a window…. or get out and take the next Taxi ….

Stay safe !!

Remember - WE are doing the right thing!!

I understand and agree w your decision. I missed my nephew’s wedding and we are close. His mom died a few years ago and I really wanted to be there for him. BUT it was in a church, no windows open and no air flow or masks. I just couldn’t risk it. I’m in places all of the time in Midwest USA and I’m usually the only one or one of a very few masked. I have lots of family members that still won’t get vaccinated. I’ve tired of the ongoing conversation about their rights etc Since I would do nearly anything for family and the good of us all it’s hard to understand them but I’ve had to accept it. Very disappointing but they aren’t budging.

You made te right decision. It's awful, some of the most joyous occasions provide high risk of exposure. At the end of February, I got Covid from a very close friend of mine who attended a wedding with a religious group that did not wear masks or practice social distancing.

I got over Covid and went into monoclonal antibody therapy. Not the best of years.

If you feel anxiety over attending an event, use it as a power to your advantage.

I’ve just had a very difficult conversation with my son as we had been invited to a wedding in two weeks. We RSVPd before the Delta variant was heard of & people were becoming quite ill from Covid, despite being double jabbed. It’s at a private property in a marquee but it’s a rigid sided marquee, so basically, indoors. I then found out that 150 are invited for the meal & more are to attend in the evening. I know there will be dancing, even though there shouldn’t be. I hate being the party pooper but it’s just not doable. Don’t get the wrong idea, my son has been extremely careful and didn’t set foot outside the door for well over a year, other than the hospital. He’s recently started playing golf and went out for lunch for the first time today, with one friend & they sat outdoors. It’s just very difficult for him as he’s so young (only 30) and all his mates will be at the wedding & posting pics on social media. He’s missing out on so much & it breaks my heart 💔

I think celebrations are the biggest challenge. We are used to viewing people we love as safe to be with and is seems like a betrayal to feel threatened by them. In some ways it is more difficult to be there and keep your distance than stay at home.

My daughter is getting married in mid September, she’s my youngest and I am scared to attend, it’s in a closed venue. I am expected to walk her down the aisle and give a speech at the reception, hopefully everyone will be vaccinated by then. I have been on imbruvia for 2 months. I am really stressing over this. As of now 85 people are attending. I am glad for this site I can express my feelings. Will talk with my Dr the end of Aug. about my fears. Thanks guys.

My daughter is also getting married mid September and I understand your concern. This is not easy as we want to be joyful for our children. Since it is in a closed venue maybe wear a mask except when you are walking her down the aisle. My daughter's ceremony will be outside but that could change if the Colorado weather brings snow or rain. The lunch will be inside but I plan to stay outside as much as possible. With delta we know that even vaccinated, non-immune-suppressed people can get covid (as my son did) so I will skip the hugs but do a lot of smiling and keep my distance from people.

Were you able to get some assistance with your co-pays?

Yes from the Pan foundation

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