Man who is actually tired of people thinking he's a gangster due to facial scars. Lol.

[SomePeopleLikeCocoa]

Hi. I'm new here so forgive me but long story short I've been living with a facial scar for 9 years after an unhappy patron whom I refused to serve alcohol to during my time as a barman, took it upon themselves to smash an empty bottle of I think 'a well known iced vodka based alcoholic beverage' (see what I did there?) and hurl it at me like a throwing knife from an 80's ninja movie. Instead of doing the normal thing of perhaps ducking directly downward, I thought it wiser in the moment to duck forwards against the bar and thus actually maximising the impact to its full kinetic potential by closing the distance and in doing so assuring a direct hit to the right side of my cheek - where otherwise it would have more likely hit my chest if I had just stood totally motionless and bounced harmlessly off my shirt after losing all momentum. To skip passed the hospital visit, the police asking me if I wanted to press charges and move on a few days to the interesting bits my newly forming scar tissue was actually improving my macho rating by at least +2 points. All was well, apart from the temporary paralysis in the top right corner of my lip caused by nerve and muscle damage (which actually never went away and to this day I cannot smile and can only grimace somewhat menacingly)

But like all things, time progressed and the novelty wore off and reality hit in, because here is a strange facet to being a young(ish) male - facial scars are seen as a sign of machismo take Al Capone; Tony Montana; Indiana Jones; Ragnor Lothbrok; et cetera but reality is, as I have found out, completely the opposite. It can freak people out, job interviews never seem to go well now, people do stare which then makes me anxious which then makes me look off my trolley because I then go to fulfil every stereotype of a 'normal' persons perception of every movie villain with facial scarring. Now here, in my 40's, I've had to accept long ago that my bar trade days are over because I've had 101 interviews and never got a bar job since 2011. I've found plenty factory work between then and now, which pays bills but not exactly a dream come true and a wife and two kids which bring joy to my life, even though they're a pain sometimes. And expensive, especially the wife. But anyway, I totally totally digressed from what I meant to say in this post...

Because I have a facial scar people have made weird assumptions and comments, and people I think assume prison; drugs; violence; whatever. I know there are definately times when it's held me back in interviews or social gatherings and sometimes I've even just said "yes, it's a scar but I'm not a drug dealer and I've never been in prison" as an introduction just to get it out of the way and clear the air when meeting a stranger. So really, does anyone else have the same experiences or is it just me and ways to cope?

[Hidden]

Hi SomePeopleLikeCocoa welcome to the Changing Faces community! Thank you for your post and sharing your experiences here. It sounds like you have been through a lot both personally and professionally. It must be frustrating having to deal with those negative assumptions about who you are and feeling like you have to make those disclaimers that you’re not a drug dealer or have been to prison. As you mentioned this is sadly a stereotype that has been perpetuated in media with your typical villain being depicted through scarring or facial differences and also something Changing Faces has urged the film industry to stop doing through our “I am not your villain” campaign. I’m sure there are other people in the community who can relate to your experiences and frustrations, hopefully they see your post and respond. In the meantime we do have some self-help materials on our website that covers coping with other people’s reactions, you can find here changingfaces.org.uk/advice...

Take care

Tiffany

[SomePeopleLikeCocoa in reply to Hidden]

Thanks for the reply and the info. I think there's a few things I take more to heart now moreso than in the earlier years I guess. When I'm out with the family or friends I don't think anyone pays much attention but of course I'm having to do more and more things alone during the pandemic (shopping, errands, work, etc etc) and prior I was getting to the point of 'okay, this is getting old now', the facial creams, the electric razors that give me designer stubble of just the right amount so it just about can obscure the scars just so I could walk to an shop without getting looks ranging from just plain odd to understandably inquisitive from strangers.

Bizarrely having to go out wearing a mask has been the most liberating thing ever, which is, well maybe, a bit bad of me to say given the nature of the circumstances at the moment because I've been able to take a long break from the usual regime. I've said most of the time it'd be easier to just throw a mask on and walk out the door, but people would definately think I'm up to no good but right now it's pretty much a legal requirement 🤣

[Hidden in reply to SomePeopleLikeCocoa]

It's not bizarre at all that you have found wearing a mask liberating SomePeopleLikeCocoa . In fact that's something we've heard a lot from people that wearing a mask and even lockdown in general has been a welcomed break from the usual unwanted attention, staring, comments, questions etc., You're certainly not alone in feeling that way.

[Blondebombsite]

Hi SomePeopleLikeCocoa,

Thanks for sharing your story. I’m so sorry that you’ve had your life changed by the split second actions of a drunk idiot, and I’m horrified that the police asked if you wanted to press charges.

Having said that, your post was hilarious, heartwarming and very well written, I think you would do well in a job that involves creativity or customer services. I worked in a call centre for a large well known company for 13 years and earned very good money, met some lovely people and the ethos was completely non judgmental. Also my son has just got a job after being laid off due to Covid, and he totally works from home, and the interview was done over Zoom. I really think there have been some positives of the pandemic.

All the best to you, your kids and your ‘expensive’ wife 🤣

[SomePeopleLikeCocoa in reply to Blondebombsite]

Sorry it's been a while but thanks for the reply. I've been busy recently because a) I've been working 10 hr shifts and b) I've been studying Python 3 on Linux and TCP/IP networking, well, just cause I'm bored and I'm sick of min wage jobs. It's through a site called Coursera and they only give printable certs which really aren't that valued so it's not as if Google are going to be kicking down the door to hire me anytime soon but it's a bit of an introduction to programming and non-Windows operating systems. Lol.

[Rees_Headley]

Mate, I had something similar 18 months ago. A bike/car accident that ripped the lower part of my lip and chin clean through and wide open. 100 stitches inside and out to put it back together but it’s healed well and isn’t really noticeable in daylight. I’m an IT Director so I have a lot of meetings (virtual at the moment) and no one ever says anything, to the point where I’ve pretty much forgotten about it. Surgeon thought I might have nerve damage and not be able to smile but thankfully that’s all good and the ER doctor said my helmet saved me from being in a wheelchair so I’m thankful and take all the positives from it. And as Keanu Reeves says “chicks dig scars”!!

[SomePeopleLikeCocoa in reply to Rees_Headley]

That's brutal what happened to you mate but it's good you're on the other side of it now and it wasn't worse. Lol yeah, my chick dig scars which is a blessing.