other people with mouth disfigurements?

[elephantinmyroom]

hi!!! i’ve been doing really bad lately mentally and emotionally, so i was thinking maybe talking to other people who deal with the same thing i do would be helpful.

I’m a teenager, still in highschool, so preferably i’d like to talk to people around my age and hopefully make friends, but support from anyone would be very appreciated

i lost my bottom lip when i was 3 years old due to a dog attack, was in a coma for a month and i’ve had about 5 surgeries since. because of the unbelievable amount of dissociation i’ve done throughout my entire life it didn’t start to really affect my mental health negatively until a few years ago, when i was able to acknowledge that this is actually my body. wearing a mask all the time is messing with me, because i feel like i’m being unauthentic and people are going to be disappointed when they find out i don’t look “normal” underneath. plus i’m a bit disappointed in myself for feeling more confident when i have a mask on because it so conveniently covers all my scars.

i’m lucky because i have no memory of what it’s like to not be disfigured, and i have no memory of any of my initial trauma, but being someone that attracts people with mental and emotional issues hearing everyone around me complain about how hard their lives are is really messing with my head. i’ve never wanted to be one of those people that constantly acts like their life is so much worse than everyone else’s, so it’s hard for me to open up about how bad i feel about myself to the people around me. i also feel bad about getting annoyed when people talk about their problems because i feel as though mine are worse. i know some of that is immaturity, but i think talking to people who can actually understand what it’s like to be so visibly different could help me out.

anyway!!! i attached a picture of what my disfigurement looks like (ignore my giant nose ring haha) just let me know if u relate at all!! drop your instagram/facebook maybe hope u have a great day and thanks for reading <3

[younique]

Hi elephantinmyroom ! Welcome to the forum. You're definitely among allies. Although I'm no longer in high school, I still feel like it sometimes. Just wanted to say I can relate to everything you've brought up. Keep fighting for the life you want. You are not your difference. You may have heard people say that before or not.. but really think about it. It's something that has helped me. I've struggled with my identity because of my condition. It wasn't until I could really see and believe that who I am may have been influenced by my condition, but it's not all there is to me. We aren't broken. I used to feel I was, I believed it so deeply.. We are people who happen to have a visible difference. Please don't feel like you're being inauthentic or that the only reason people like or accept you is because they don't see your difference. You are whole just as you are. I tried to hide behind my hair for a long time and it made me feel that same way you've described. It was very problematic for me. It may not impact you the same way it did me, but just know that if anyone changes how they feel about you once they discover your difference.. they aren't worthwhile people anyway so it's no loss. Trust me.

[Hidden]

Hi elephantinmyroom and welcome to the Changing Faces community! Thank you for your post and for sharing your story here. I’m sorry to hear you’ve not been doing so well mentally and emotionally. It sounds like you’re there for other people a lot and that can be difficult when you’re dealing with your own problems. I’m glad you’ve found this community and are looking to connect with other people who can understand and support you. You may also find some of our self-help material on our website helpful, we have lots of articles around improving your mental health and wellbeing, you can find them here: changingfaces.org.uk/advice...

Take care

Tiffany

[elephantinmyroom in reply to Hidden]

thank you i’ll check it out!! <3

[AlwaysSmiling Community Ambassador]

Hi elephantinmyroom, welcome!

So sorry to hear you've not been feeling too good lately. First of all, well done for taking the first step and sharing your story on here. This forum is so supportive and hopefully by seeing that you're not alone you will start to feel a little better. Reaching out is difficult but hopefully you'll find it easier talking to people going through similar things (definitely the case for me). It sounds like you haven't had things easy but you seem motivated to try and feel more positive by reaching out to talk to other people.

I can definitely relate to what you said about the masks. I don't know whether I love them or hate them! I feel good for being able to cover my difference up sometimes because it gives me a little confidence boost knowing that people will see me like everyone else for a while. But before lockdown I was finally starting to push myself out of my comfort zone and be proud of my differences and show them with my head held high. Obviously now with having to wear a mask this is something I cannot do and it makes me worry sometimes that I'll have gone back to my comfort zone a bit by the time we don't have to wear masks anymore because I'll be so used to my difference being covered. I think it's normal to feel this way though. Don't be disappointed in yourself for having that extra little bit of confidence with your mask on.

It is definitely challenging when the people around you are going through a difficult time too but I try and tell them that we can go through difficult times together even if it's not necessarily the same sort of situation. That way, we don't compare who has the biggest problems and we can equally share how difficult things are for us rather than it being one-sided.

Sorry for the length of this reply but hope it is helpful. I'm here if you need to talk

[Gogo_go]

Definitely can understand the mask feeling. I feel the same when I wear sunglasses. Also highschool is so terribly hard when going through it. I had a good highschool experience but even then, when I think back I never noticed all the stress/pressure I felt at the time.

About the part where you are having trouble listening to other people’s problems.. if you look on my page I went through the same thing. Honestly that was really hard for me. But one thing I had to remind myself was that life is not easy for most people. And I am not in a “problem” competition with those I care about. So I try to keep an open ear and mind to anyone who vents to me. Not sure if any of this helps haha just wanted to say you definitely aren’t alone!! I can relate a lot.