To tell or not tell

[shimmyshimmy]

Hello. I'm new here. I just wondered, do you tell the truth when questioned about your disfigurement or do you say that you'd rather not talk about it? I ask from personal experience, as I feel very exposed and uncomfortable when people ask me.

[AlwaysSmiling Community Ambassador]

Hello shimmyshimmy and welcome!

I would say that it is up to you whether you choose to explain it or not. I guess it depends on the circumstances too. If you feel too akward or uncomfortable then just tell them it's not something you really want to discuss.

It might be useful to have a very simple one sentence answer for the times when you do feel like you could tell someone. Don't feel like you need to give them your whole life story (unless you want to!). A simple answer will do. Then if you are asked further questions, just tell them as much as you're comfortable telling them.

There is nothing wrong with feeling a bit vulnerable when you're asked this question. I also feel a bit uncomfortable when asked this sometimes, but from what I have learnt, it's always good to have that one simple explanation you can tell people. That way, you're even prepared for if a child asks you too which I know can be even more difficult sometimes.

I hope this helps!😊

[shimmyshimmy in reply to AlwaysSmiling]

Thank you, AlwaysSmiling. That is helpful. It's so personal to ask this type of question, I had a birthmark removed from my face. I'm 55 now, but questions like these still catch me unexpectedly.

[Vinnieplagio]

I just dont leave the house honestly

[shimmyshimmy in reply to Vinnieplagio]

I'm sorry to hear this. It makes me sad.

[Tortoise96 in reply to Vinnieplagio]

This makes me sad too. You need to begin somewhere, honestly. It’s really difficult I know, I really do understand how difficult it is to be outside and live a normal life but we have to try. Please go and see your doctor. Please try something. Your life is worth living.

[Vinnieplagio in reply to Tortoise96]

I dunno i dont see the fun in being stared at like a monster if it was a milder disfugerment i coul probably live with it. But an asymmetric cranium is something else. I Rather stay home where i feel safe. I already went to a doctor even more then one but they all dont really seem to care that much and even they look at me in disgust and act weard like im some kind of criminal. Maybe the way i look gives them bad vibes

[shimmyshimmy in reply to Vinnieplagio]

Hi Vinnieplagio, I have been treated as though I'm a criminal too. Less so when I had children of my own (they don't have disfigurements) . I did some research about it a few years ago and found there to be a connection with peoples negative perception of those with a facial disfigurement. I think that the media has a lot to answer for - like calling the bad lion 'Scar' in The Lion King....not good.

[Vinnieplagio in reply to shimmyshimmy]

Yeah true i also think its because of media. It took me a long time to find a doctor where im comfortable with so 13th july i have an apointment with him in london. But i dont think there is a whole lot that can be done for my condition. Asymmetry in plagiocephaly is hard to correct if there is facial shift to the side. But atleast im going to get more informed. So thats something.

[shimmyshimmy in reply to Vinnieplagio]

All good wishes for your appointment. I hope it goes well for you.

[JodyArm]

Hello

I would say It depends on who is asking and to be fair to them most people don't ask and are polite enough to wait to see if you mention it, in my experience.

I was in a road accident as a child and have a scar on the back of my head that is visiable and a skin graft on my back that can sometimes be seen when I'm sitting down.

I'm a teacher and if my students ask I'm always honest because mostly they are just curious and as an educator it is important to educate them about accepting people who are different. They are usually very empathetic.

I mostly tell new friends myself before I'm asked as even though I'm confident in most situations, I can still have bad scar days.

Take care

[shimmyshimmy]

Thank you JodyArm. That's very reassuring to know.

[Rees_Headley]

I tell people -

smashed face first into a car on my bike. 100

Stitches to put my chin and mouth back together. Cool scar which is getting better and better. Kids love it.

Worse things in life. Without my helmet I would be in a wheelchair and unable to play with my kids

[Rees_Headley in reply to Rees_Headley]

Although I would say no one has asked me in the last 3 months as the scar has faded a lot in that time

[shimmyshimmy in reply to Rees_Headley]

People expect me to say that I have been in an accident, because I have scars on my face....they assume. I had a birthmark removed when I was 6 months old and subsequent surgeries as I grew.

I'm glad that you were wearing a helmet Rees_Headley, The scarring is a small price to pay for what could have been a lot worse.

[Tortoise96]

You could be as simple as “ahh, it’s from an accident when I was young” and that’s it! I literally squirm up inside myself when anyone asks me, it is probably the worst feeling in the world for me. However, not many people do ask! A lot of people notice, but don’t bother to ask and that’s how I think it should be. Unless a life long partner or a close friend, it’s better if they say nothing in my opinion! A few people have asked me in my life, one I made a joke saying I got into a fight with a tiger... I had googled this a long time ago about people asking and read somewhere that it can feel good to make a joke out of how it happened... it wasn’t really for me haha! So from then on I’ve just been honest, an accident as a kid, that’s all they need to know

[shimmyshimmy in reply to Tortoise96]

You're lucky that many people don't ask you. Ifind it too personal and downright rude to be asked. I don't go around asking people personal questions about their lives, so why should I satisfy their curiosity by telling them?