Introducing Myself

[Simswim]

Hi everyone,

I wanted to introduce myself. I've been caring for my mum for several years now. She is 93 and she has arthritis and had heart surgery about 6 years ago. Recently she has deteriorated and, although I'm familiar with the care system and its limitations, I find myself struggling.

I work 5 days a week and I have recently started a new job. I took slightly reduced hours to help with caring duties.

I live with my mum and I cared for my father until he passed away 8 years ago. Most of my family have passed away and those who are left are distant. One is estranged.

I have contacted social services and asked for a care needs assessment, to identify areas of need for my mother and an occupational therapy assessment.

I had a carer's assessment about 1 year ago and found I qualified for very little. I registered with CERS (Carer's Emergency Response Service) and I will be getting some support with getting a health and care LPA and info around probate. I am a registered carer.

From a practical point of view, many things are in place or I'm arranging them. I do have some friends/aquaintences that I can talk to, at least up to a point.

What I'm missing is actually offloading and talking to other carers. Whereas, the practical aspects of caring are vital, emotional support is also really important. This is the area where I have very little input. I did have a good friend who I could talk to, until recently. Unfortunately this has fallen through recently.

I'm aware that everybody on this website is a carer and will be finding ways of coping with their unique situation and responsibilities. What have you found useful when it comes to coping with seeing a loved one deteriorate? What have you done to cope with the feelings that this can cause? For example, resentment when you have many duties to do and anxiety or sadness when you see someone deteriorate Have you tried carers support groups, online or in a real setting? What did you think?

[Activity2004]

Have you talked to your mother’s doctor about having a caregiver come in a few days a week for when you are at work?

[Simswim in reply to Activity2004]

Yes, the care needs assessment should cover that and other areas of care. Thanks for your suggestion.

[Activity2004 in reply to Simswim]

You’re welcome! It’s good to know that the care assessment will cover some of the items.

[Simswim in reply to Activity2004]

Thanks Activity, good to hear from people who are also carers.

[Activity2004 in reply to Simswim]

Anytime!

[KatieCat23]

It sounds corny, but i found making time to be in nature really helps. I got prescribed 'Dose of Nature', which is an amazing support group in Kew, with a new brach opening in Guildford.Seeing my mum deteriorate following a ministroke 2 weeks ago is heartbreaking. I'm at the start of a new chapter with this, woke up today and decided to restart couch to 5k. A positive move and puts me in the right mindset for helping mum and being unresentful to others.

I wish you all the best, positive vibes coming your way

[Simswim in reply to KatieCat23]

Hi Katie, many thanks for your response. Sorry hear about your mum. Definitely regular exercise burns up the stress. I will look up "Dose of Nature" and being in a natural environment definitely help lift the mood. Particularly with other people, but still good by yourself.

I hope this helps you. I'm finding swimming and dancing very useful. Also work is a good distraction! 😊