Most carers, if they think about their future life, are looking forward to a day at some point when there is time to think about themselves again.
But of course this often comes at a huge cost, with the loss of a loved one and that loss can eclipse the pleasure you might otherwise have felt at finding yourself with more time on your hands.
This week we heard of two sad family deaths from members of our group and it recalled for me the time when my mum died and life suddenly changed for us all.
It particularly affected one of my sisters who had been my mum's main carer, having lived locally to her, and although we all missed mum terribly when she died, we mostly relished our new freedoms, except for this one sister who became stuck in the moment. She talked incessantly about mum and all the problems she'd faced with her over the last few years and really found it hard to let go. It took many months before she had other topics of conversation and even more for her to find new interests. It was hard to know what to say to help her, as she didn't even realise it was happening to her.
One of the common early feelings is relief that your loved one won't suffer any more, followed by a sense of relief that it's over for you, and a warm sense of having done all that you could do, but.... what now?
I scoured the internet looking for sources of help and found a great article written by the Marie Curie organisation which I'll share with you via a link below. You may not even want to contemplate what might come to pass in the future, but it might be worth taking a look, or keeping the link in case you feel it might be useful for you in the future when your feelings may, for a time, be very mixed. Hope you find it helpful!
Picture: Mabel Amber, Pixabay