Wondering how to help mum

[casa123]

Hi Im new here and am struggling with how to find the right care for my mum. She is 90 and recently lost her partner of 58 years and also had a fall so got a hip fracture.

She is recovered but not very mobile and struggles to move about at home. On discharge from hospital she had a care team but they stopped after 6 weeks and we were told she has to fund her own care.

I have arranged for carers 2x daily and for meals on wheels but that still means that she just sits alone all day between 8 am and 6pm when the carers put her to bed.

My partner and I both work so cannot visit except weekends as she lives 40 miles away.. she is getting depressed ... but we cant find any help for her other than paid for carers which are so expensive.

Any suggestions?

[MAS_Nurse]

Hello Casa123 and welcome to the forum. Please stay on this supportive forum where you will receive replies from other members who understand your situation. Your mum has made a good recovery following her fall. I wonder if some physiotherapy would help with her mobility, as it is important she remains mobile. Her GP would be able to provide information regarding this. Does her GP have an Elderly Care Nurse attached to the practice? He/she will be able to give information on local day centres etc. Otherwise, you could ask her GP about local provision of day centres. Have a look at the pinned posts on the screen where you may find some useful information. Also Age uk ageuk.org.uk/services may be useful to you. They provide support [including befriending services]. I am sorry to hear about the loss of your mum's partner. It must be a difficult time for you all. You may find Cruse Bereavement Care helpful crusebereavement.org.uk. Are any members of the forum able to help Casa123, please?Thank you and best wishes.

[1poppie1]

Hi casa123 it may an idea to see if there are any care homes near your mum that take day care guests. I've managed to arrange this for my mum it has been a godsend as she is kept occupied with various activities and is around people all day. Good luck for the future

[NurseH]

Hi, I'm a nurse in a care home and really know how you ate feeling! Age concern is such a good suggestion they can set up 'friends' for your mum. They visit and sit and chat etc etc. Contact local authorities for info on community projects , lunch clubs, day centres etc. WRVS may be of help also see if there's a WI (women's institute) local they will be able to give you some help too. Xxxxx

[Hidden]

Hi casa123, Welcome, and I see you've already been given some sterling advice on how to help you to help your mum. But don't forget your mum's GP may be a lifeline to some help, including social services, though it sounds as if you might already have done a round or two with them over funding for carers for her!

But my mum's GP actually got her a place in a day centre two or three times a week and it was the making of her last years. I was lucky enough to see her fairly frequently as I lived in the same city, but it was really reassuring to know she wasn't at home, lonely, when I was busy working. The fun she had there was wonderful and they often went out on outings. And I think one of the most joyous moments of my life was seeing a whole group of people from the centre, being happily raced round to the local pub by their carers for a 'pie and a pint' one lunchtime as I passed by in my car on my way back to work. That sort of thing might be too much for your own mum, but day centres do cater for all levels of mobility and have arrangements for pick up and drop off at home.

Another, newer organization not yet mentioned in replies is The Silver Line which offers not only telephone contact for the lonely but will also help with any other issue related to elderly care. Their telephone number is on The Silver Line website.

[casa123]

Thanks everyone for the good suggestions. I will try the GP route to see if there is any info on day centres etc .. though mum is not keen joining in with things I think it will really help her if we can find somewhere or someone who can do things with her during the daytimes.

Wishing all a good xmas and I will post how I get on. Xx

[drjamiewilson]

One thing you could consider is having a live in carer. This means your mum won't be left all day and there is round the clock companionship, which also gives you piece of mind. I run an organisation called HomeTouch which as the largest library of live in carers in the Uk. You can get browse some the carer profiles here hometouch.link/ceo