I am caring for my 87yr old mam

[Lorraine1955]

Hi is anyone else caring for an elderly relative ?? It's so hard

[MAS_Nurse]

Hello Lorraine1955

Thank you for your message. I think maybe you are facing a lot of challenges caring for your Mam.

Perhaps you could tell us more about yourself and your situation and more about your Mam and how things are for you both?

This is a supportive community, so our members may be able to help with support and advice.

The Topics and pinned posts may also hold more information for you.

Take care and keep in touch

[FOXLEW in reply to MAS_Nurse]

I care for my Dad who is 93 so I know that It can sometimes be very difficult. They need us but we are pensioners also.

[Hidden]

Hi Lorraine. It IS hard, very hard. But you have joined an exclusive club for people who stepped up to the plate when they needed to. No-one hands them any badges of courage for what they do or what they did, and you seldom get a 'thank-you', sometimes not even from the person you are caring for, but your reward is in having the humanity, the love and the kindness that sets the nicest human beings apart.

[von60]

Hi, yes I have my mum who is 96, she has carers coming to her house 5 times a day, she refuses to go into a care home, where I know she will have company and 24 hour care. Even though I dont do any of her caring, she is in my head 24/7.. Anyway yesterday I took round some medication, luckily my husband was with me, and mam was laid on the floor under her chair, she had fallen from the chair. We could not move her, we were actually frightened in case something was broken, so we covered her to keep her warm, and 2 and a half hours later an ambulance came. There is nothing broken, but the main hospital sent her to a Community hospital last night. What is hurting me is how undignified it all was, my heart was breaking to see her like that. But mam was mam, calling me to the ambulance men, telling them I steal her money (never cos we dont need her money), and that all I want is for her to be in a home. Lorraine all I can say is it doesnt get easier. I have had this for 15 years, my husband and I are in our 70's. I often wonder what the future is going to hold.

[Cas70]

I care for my 76 yr old husband who is very poorly. I have Lupus and Sjogrens which is quite debilitating. The reason I tell you this is to say - get every bit of help you can - it is out there - even if it is just to talk. Since I got someone in to help it has lifted my spirits . Please take advice and get in touch with a Carers Group - good luck

[Midori]

From the other side; my son cares for me, and I'm sure I'm not the easiest of clients! I like things done my way, so I have some clue where stuff is.

I worry about his future, because he's not got many employable skills, having a Learning disability makes things difficult at the best of times.

[von60]

hey Mydexter, Thank you for your reply. So nice to know there are some people out there who know what I am going through. Now a waiting game with the hospital....will try to keep you up dated x

[1poppie1]

I care for my mother who is 86 with mixed dementia and heart failure it is increasingly difficult as she has nightwanderings she is in daycare 5days a week and I get help sometimes at the weekend. She is obsessed with going to church even if she has just been a couple of hours before, she falls and her short term memory is pretty poor. Someone wrote on this forum to say the Alcoholics Anonymous prayer which is

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change

The courage to change what I can

The wisdom to know what is right.

I know her illness will not improve......acceptance

I will have to put her in full time care.....courage

It will be the best situation for her and myself......wisdom.

I have not put all this in place yet but it is imminent. I'm going to look at care homes today.

I hope this helps someone

[Sexy60]

Hi. I look after my 79 year old mum with rheumatoid and osteoarthritis and my 83 year old dad with Parkinson's. It's hard work but if I didn't none of my siblings would. I'm 60 and it's not as easy as if I were younger.

[JanettePearson]

I have my 91 year old mum living with me. She has been with me for a year now and it is not easy. I have basically given up my Life for her. Have had to give up work so no income now and am living off the meagre care allowance and mums attendance allowance and my savings. I am 61 and can't get my pension till 66!!! It is affecting my health and I am depressed as I have no freedom and she can be very negative about everything. But I have decided that 2018 is the catalyst for change. I am hoping to get some help from carers so that I can have a few days break now and then and join a walking club to march out my stresses and frustrations!!! Sometimes the carer needs some care which isn't always available but sometimes things have to change before the carer is no longer around to do the caring!!!!