Caring for my partner

Hi im becky im 40 and have illness myself but i look after my 77 year old partner who has many illness

Some times i feel so alone and get so down Is this normal or am i being selfish to feel this way

[pergola]

Becky, I feel strongly that looking after a terminally sick partner is the hardest thing that you will have to do. You are faced with extreme sadness, exhaustion which leads to a sort of resentment that you have lost the fun times you had with your partner.

I looked after my husband, Brian, and seemed to lose my sense of judgement, sense of proportion which left me physically and mentally exhausted.

All you can do in order to present a cheerful face to your loved one, is to eat well, rest whenever you get the chance. Talk to him and give hugs. XX

[Hidden in reply to pergola]

Thanks pergola your reply means a lot

[jaykay777]

Hi Becky -- Whether or not it's normal to feel as you do, I can tell you that's how I felt looking after my husband who died at 77 after being seriously ill for three years. However, he was under home hospice care for the last two years. The hospice team was very supportive of both of us. If you think your husband might be eligible for hospice, contact them. And listen to everything that pergola has written.

[Hidden in reply to jaykay777]

Thanks jaykay777

[leonora22]

I feel for you Becky - I have been officially caring for my much older 78 year old husband for 4 years but really it has been longer. are you in the UK? Would it be possible to get to a local Carers Support Group? If not, then some offer a telephone befriender. If you are in the UK ask for a Carers Assessment to see if you qualify for respite care. The bottom line is that you are not selfish and you MUST take care of yourself before you can take care of your partner. Also tell your GP about the strain you are under and see if they can suggest any help.

[Hidden in reply to leonora22]

Thanks for your reply leonora I will like in to what you have said

Thanks once again

[Lynn-Osborne]

Hello Becky , I feel others have spoken far better than I can on this but wanted to support the advice about getting the support you need both on a practical level, and emotionally.

It is imperative you look after yourself as much as you can.

Talk to any medical / Social care professionals involved and don't be afraid to ask for help - take what is offered.

Look out for support groups to

Take as much time for the two of you as possible and when possible. Cherish the time and take care.