Hi Everyone. Firstly, I would like to thank everyone who responded to my post about relapsing and drinking wine again. I'm so sorry that I did not get around to responding to you all individually, as I feel that if someone is good enough and cares enough to respond to your post, especially when you're reaching out for help, the very least I could do is respond to each person individually. I'm so sorry I did not do this - I have no excuse except I fell into a deep depression [one of the best friends of anxiety, the root of most of my problems.] I'm so sorry, and thank you for all for your lovely and caring messages.
I am now on carvedilol [or about to start it], which my liver specialist says will also help my Pulmonary Hypertension. I'm a bit nervous about taking a new medication.......wish me luck!
From the bottom of my heart, thank you all so much again. God Bless.
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puddy68
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Hi, Just to put your mind at ease. I’m also on Carvedilol and have had no issues at all the last year.
The only side effect which others have shared, was I go very cold in winter, unusually so. It might not be related however others on this site found the same issue.
Keep reaching out to all the lovely members on here. We all have good and bad days. None of us are perfect. And we don’t live in a perfect world either.
Stop beating yourself up love. You’ve made a mistake. Quickly realised reaching for the wine was wrong therefore stopped. That deserves praise.
It’s early days for you. But with determination and support you will get there.
Ah, I’m so sorry to learn about this and so sorry for you Puddy, but try and not beat yourself up over it and remember the progress you’ve made thus far and the progress you will go on to make, of which I’m sure you will.
That’s what you have to focus on, you’ve done so well to stop drinking in the first place which is so hard to do as I know only too well, a minor relapse won’t detract from that and don’t think you’ve let yourself down or anyone else either.
You can go again, what you've done already is a show of huge strength and courage and you’ve proved you can do this to yourself and that’s who matters most YOU. Just think - by going again - what does that ultimately really say about you?! It says to me you’re a fighter and don’t easily give in, because as someone once told me when I first quit, it would be a hell of a lot easier to just carry on drinking and to hell with it and believe you me, I’ve thought just that and I don’t have your anxiety issues or a pretty scary diagnosis which you’ve recently had sadly.
Please please please, if you ever feel the need to ask for help, or have something you’d like to get off your chest or mind and to talk about whether it’s about your diagnosis, any other health anxiety issue or alcohol related or just whatever, reach out and share whatever is on your mind on here and do not reach for a bottle. We are all here to help one another I personally feel with this place and I know I’ve had a lot of help and where I can and if I can I hope to try and help others too.
As a former drinker (I refuse to label myself as an alcoholic or former one now) who has thus far remained just that and would like to keep it that way, I know how hard it is and as strong as I like to think I am mentally, there have been many a time I’ve wanted a drink, felt like I needed one and have had to stop myself from doing so and will likely have those thoughts and feelings for as long as I live, but that’s what stops me ultimately from reaching for the bottle.
I want to live and I want to live a long and happy life and I can only ever be happy if I’m healthy which is the most important thing to me other than my wife and kids and I believe is key to life full stop, not wealth, materialism or whatever, because without good health you can’t ever truly be happy IMO.
YOU can still have a healthy life if you live a healthy life and live a long and happy life too and I sincerely wish that for you, but you know yourself you can never ever drink again at all, once is a blip, but still a huge risk you’re taking with your own health, so good luck and take care,
Thanks so much, Grassroots112. My automatic response when stressed is to still reach for a wine and cigarette, but since my relapse I have resisted the urge. I think I might experience these urges for the rest of my life, but hopefully I will get stronger and stronger every day. The thought of my son keeps me going - my love for him is stronger than my need for wine and cigarettes. How/why I relapsed last week is totally beyond me, and disgusts me.
in addition to the other wonderful responses, i want to add my thoughts - i hope that is ok and it is juts my view. When alcohol is involved, i think that we have trained our whole body to process it and deal with the effects of something that is incredibly toxic but also highly addictive. Like you, i stopped for a while but that was so bad i find myself drinking again. It sadly helps in small quantities, but … well, small quantities, haha … i increasingly think that our quality of life is a hard balance - some v strong and brave people can stop (and they are really admirable) but others can’t. It is complicated. I started drinking when i was 8. That is a looooong time of training! I think, in the end, all we can do is be as strong as possible - i dearly hope you feel better soon
Thank you so much, Norbet. Stopping, or trying to stop drinking is probably the hardest thing I've had to do in my life. You're so right - all we can do is try to be as strong as possible. Take Care.
No need to say sorry, it's tough enough just keeping it together somedays! I'm also on carvedilol, I've not had any side effects and I feel like it's really helping.
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Thank you
Thank you
Back to work post transplant 
Thank you lovelies! Ultrasound Elastography? Anybody had one? 
