Thank you so much to everyone who replied to my post about my darling husband's passing. There were so many kind words and rather than reply to everyone individually, I thought I would post a reply to you all.
I am still in shock, and cannot quite absorb the fact he will never be here again. I cannot stop crying, his toothbrush, his deodorant and slippers set me off. I sleep in his dressing gown, just to keep his smell with me. He is everywhere, but not here. I have never felt so much grief in my life, and I don't think I will ever get over his loss, right now I just want to hide away from everything and everyone. But I don't want to be alone, and this is what is hurting me most, all our plans, our dreams, now gone. I cannot face walking into the bedroom with his hospital bed and bed clothes still rumpled from where he lay. The worst part is they cannot collect the bed and stuff until next week, so I am faced with seeing it every single time I walk upstairs. The future is just too hard to consider for me, and I am trying hard to take it a step at a time, but as everyone knows, this is not possible. Admin, arranging a funeral and letting everyone know just reopens it all again. Why is there so much paperwork involved?
The worst part for me is that his wedding band has gone missing, somewhere between hospital, hospice and home. This has upset me so much.
I know one day I will get through the day without crying and smiling instead, but right now that day is a long way off for me. I miss him so damn much it hurts.
Karen x
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Oh Karen my heart breaks for you as I recall how I felt 4 months ago. It does get a little easier. I still shed a few tears every day but I talk to him and as I said previously couldn't bear him to suffer again. I pray there is a heaven and he is there smiling and happy.
I can't imagine how you feel at losing his wedding ring. Did the hospice remove it? They removed my husband's as his fingers swelled but fortunately handed it to me.
I hope you get it back. I know how much it means.
Take care of yourself as best you can and you can message me whenever you feel you want to talk to someone who understands exactly how you feel.
I am so sorry, no words can every ease the pain of such a huge loss of someone you love. It is okay to cry as long as you need to cry. My mom passed away in 2005 and I still cry. You are a beautiful writer, keep putting words on paper about your husband and love for him.
We all feel so inadequate in our replies as there’s nothing we can do that will change anything in a good way for you.
The unlucky amongst us have encountered the loss of a loved one in our life but there’s no point on sharing how we felt or what helped us to keep breathing because grief by it’s very definition is individually endured and defined.
I’m so sorry you are going through this and I reiterate how much admiration I have for you in how you supported your husband, thinking of ways to help him through what must have been unbelievably sorrowful situations in so many ways.
My hearts breaks for you, and I am walking the same path, although I am a little further down it, I lost my husband on the 6th October last year due to ARLD.
Time they say is a great healer, in my opinion it isn’t, we just find a way to accept what’s happened and slowly move forward.
I’m starting to rebuild my life, i’m getting my house back into order, as I just didn’t have time to get stuff done with looking after my husband, running the house and working full time, it keeps me busy and something to focus on.
Take as much time as you need, and planning and organising a funeral is very time consuming and a lot is involved, but I must say the lady that arranged my husbands was absolutely fantastic, and it was lovely, if funerals can be lovely.
Take it day by day, baby steps.
I still have all my husbands clothes here, they are bagged up, but I just can’t bare to part with them just yet.
There is no right or wrong way to deal with the loss of your husband, you do what is right for you, I like yourself am only 52 and never imagined that I would be a widow at this age.
Sending love, you will get through this, life will be somewhat different but you’ve got this xx
So desperately sorry to read this. Im very new here but your beautifully written posts have stuck out to me. I realise its not the same but we lost my FIL suddenly last year. For a few days everything felt exactly as you describe, and there was that moment when you wake up where you forget and then suddenly it hits you all over again. Baby steps forward, it will get easier. If you're the sort of person that likes organising and planning, immerse yourself in funeral plans and admin. MIL is not that sort of a person so we did all of that.
When you have been both wife and carer it is incredibly difficult I imagine, but he would not want you to be sad and wallowing. Grieve yes, but do not mourn; remember the good times and when you are ready maybe start making some of those plans with a friend or fanily member knowing that you'll be taking him with you.
I really hope the wedding ring turns up. Its not somewhere in the hospital bed at home is it?
Re the ring - we had to go back to the hospital to collect a death certificate and personal effects were handed over then. It was a few days after the death. So you may still get it back.
I know it’s more admin but PALS deal with lost at my local hospital. It might be worth contacting them. Someone may have found it and been wondering whose it is.
Not what you want to be dealing with I know.
My friend sent me this after my Dad. It gave me comfort so I’m forwarding it to you:
Same this and thought of you xxx btw way lovely WhatsApp pic hair looks fab xx
When God created woman he was working late on the 6th day.......
An angel came by and asked." Why spend so much time on her?"
The lord answered. "Have you seen all the specifications I have to meet to shape her?"
She must function on all kinds of situations,
She must be able to embrace several kids at the same time,
Have a hug that can heal anything from a bruised knee to a broken heart,
She must do all this with only two hands,"
She cures herself when sick and can work 18 hours a day"
THE ANGEL was impressed" Just two hands.....impossible!
And this is the standard model?"
The Angel came closer and touched the woman"
"But you have made her so soft, Lord".
"She is soft", said the Lord,
"But I have made her strong. You can't imagine what she can endure and overcome"
"Can she think?" The Angel asked...
The Lord answered. "Not only can she think, she can reason and negotiate"
The Angel touched her cheeks....
"Lord, it seems this creation is leaking! You have put too many burdens on her"
"She is not leaking...it is a tear" The Lord corrected the Angel…
"What's it for?" Asked the Angel..... .
The Lord said. "Tears are her way of expressing her grief, her doubts, her love, her loneliness, her suffering and her pride."...
This made a big impression on the Angel,
"Lord, you are a genius. You thought of everything.
A woman is indeed marvellous"
Lord said."Indeed she is.
She has strength that amazes a man.
She can handle trouble and carry heavy burdens.
She holds happiness, love and opinions.
She smiles when she feels like screaming.
She sings when she feels like crying, cries when happy and laughs when afraid.
She fights for what she believes in.
Her love is unconditional.
Her heart is broken when a next-of-kin or a friend dies but she finds strength to get on with life"
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Anyone whos husband/wife/friend whos denial causes you to question if you heared the dr right?
Thank you 
Care for Dad
His mood swings are too much for me 😞
