Long time reader and first time post.
My wife has had a long term unhealthy relationship with alcohol and even now, after 15 years refuses to acknowledge this. Periodically, I have discovered the odd bottle of water, filled with vodka, hidden away. I have challenged her, but it has been dismissed out of hand and there has been no way of broaching the subject.
I thought for years that I was going mad. Her behaviour, moods, speech were often unpredictable and she could fall asleep at the drop of a hat. She was adamant that she wasn’t drinking so I began to fear that it was perhaps some underlying issue and urged her to go to the doctor. To no avail.
My worries continued to haunt me and I actually began to question my own sanity. I was made to feel that it was my issue and that I was imagining things. I didn’t have anyone to speak to about this and my mental health began to deteriorate.
I made the bold choice to seek counselling and this has helped. But as we gradually came out of lockdown and began to reconnect with family (all of whom live away) some of the family began to air their concerns which they had kept to themselves for years. I can’t tell you what relief it brought me to know that they had seen glimpses of what was happening.
Working from home during COVID I had seen her behaviour become more erratic. She had not worked for 4 or so years, by choice, and had just secured a new job which I thought might help. It did anything but. Bouts of sickness plagued her in the early days and her diet and sleep patterns became quite worrying. Many times she would walk in and go straight to bed without eating. Bouts of being physically sick, shaking and sweats started to become more commonplace. This was always attributed to low blood sugar levels.
I resorted to approaching the GP Practice myself to ask them to contact her for blood tests.
Her initial Gamma Gt score was 852 in August last year. A subsequent one carried out in September 2021 , after I contacted them again, to push the issue, was 1051.
I only know this because I found the results. I also have talked with the doctor who has rightly or wrongly told me that the other markers are within range, but that she needs to stop drinking. She has also had a scan which suggests scarring of the liver. This is as much as I know and is as much as I will probably ever know because of patient confidentiality and my wife’s unwillingness to include me in this.
I am resigned to the fact that I cannot reach her and have probably only made things worse in many ways. I have begged, screamed, rationalised and implored her to seek help for years and pledged my support for her. But, for the last year it has mostly been the shouting and screaming. I became consumed by it all and it dominates my thoughts as well as phone conversations with those few family members I can talk to about it.
I don’t imagine mine is a unique situation by any stretch of the imagination, but I feel I need to leave .
I am not helping someone who doesn’t want to be helped. She has been through so much in terms of family loss which is where I believe it stems from as well much other stuff besides. She has a wonderful heart, but I fear it is broken.
I am at a crossroads, racked with guilt for thinking of leaving, but mindful of my own sanity and my inability to reach her.
I know it is a decision I must reach on my own but I wondered if this rings true for anyone else out there. In all the time I have followed posts I have never seen as a high a GT score as my wife’s and it scares me to death.
I think for me it is also the fear of the unknown and what it may bring. It is this fear which finally compelled me to write this. It may not bring any response, but in many ways it has helped to just put it down in black and white.
Good luck to you all