Don’t know how much more I can take, Not Liver related just needed to talk to someone who’s not involved.
As a few of you know my Hubby was diagnosed in December with cirrhosis after many months of uncertainty being told it could be serval different cancers. Then in January I get told I am heading for a kidney transplant after RA Meds have destroyed both my Kidneys.
Then two weeks ago my younger brother took his own life, all his Family and Friends are obviously devastated and is his wife is being so damn difficult not allowing anyone to attend his funeral including his parents and me his sister we suspect she was a controlling spouse and we have heard from numerous sources that my Brother was looking to separate from her. She cut him of from all his family and we were a very close family and all his friends love him to bits. I just can’t believe he’s gone and I am really struggling to keep it together, I have to be strong for my Parents but I keep thinking it all been a mistake and he will walk back in with his cheeky grin. We knew the relationship was not right from the beginning but never in a million years thought this would happen divorce yes but not this my Dad is really struggling with it as his younger brother kill him self too.
Thanks for listening ❤️ Deb….x
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Dobielove
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Hi Trust1Sorry for my very later reply but been trying to come to terms with every thing and making sure Mam and Dad are okay. I did take your advise and talked to my Gp he was very understanding and put me on Diazepam but it didn’t agree with me so I stopped taking it, I going for grief counselling so hopefully that will help get me through this, I think that if we had the funeral it would of been like a line under it if you know want mean 🤷🏻♀️it’s like I’m in limbo, then when I found out that even his wife was attending the funeral it was like his life had meant nothing but there was nothing we could could do the law was in her favour. I mean he been dead two days before we found out we only found through the rumour mill or I think we would of ever know what than happened to him. Ever known such a horrible person as her honestly.
But all the lovely support I received from everyone on here really helped through some very dark times and more to come I sure still got the inquest to attend. So Thank you to all who reply I read every one and I thank you all for taking the time and sharing so much love 💗
I'm so sorry for this awful time you are going through. I know you say you need to be strong for your parents but I hope someone is being strong for you too x
Hi LemonMeringue15Sorry for my late reply but I just wanted to Thank you for your reply I have my hubby to lean on and I am going for grief counselling to hopefully that will help me through the dark times.
But all the lovely support I received from everyone on here really helped through them hardest weeks and more to come I sure still got the inquest to attend. So Thank you to all who reply I read every one and I thank you all for taking the time and sharing so much love 💗xxxx
Hello, My thoughts and sympathies are with you! We recently experienced a run of trauma and loss too, events all happening in close succession. We will never understand why it happens to some of us like this, and can certainly never hope for others to understand how we feel if they haven't been through it. Im coming out of it all (hopefully) 6 months down the line - I know I'm strong, otherwise I wouldn't have got through this far. I don't always feel strong though, and have learnt to not pretend when I don't feel great. I cling to the hope that these experiences will make me an understanding and sympathetic person, I hope it will form me and my family into better, kinder, nicer people. Be kind to yourself, and let the grief and healing process work in you. All the things you mention are all normal emotions and feelings given the circumstances - your grieving process will happen YOUR way, in YOUR time. I have unashamedly used a therapist and this has worked fantastically for me - just helped me not to feel so scared of my emotions and thoughts.
We have been through this whilst waiting for my husbands liver transplant - it would be the greatest gift and relief of all time, just to have it behind us and know that he has survived the surgery etc. I just want the chance for us to move forward after these traumas and bereavements, to learn to live with the losses, but can't get past this transplant atm. Feels like our life is on hold, stuck with these horrendous happenings.
Take care of yourself, do your thing, whatever works and helps for you. Reach out to those that can support you. Sometimes you might find you take it in turns to be strong - and that's fine. Admitting my bad days makes it easier for my loved ones to admit to theirs, and we arm each other along.
Sorry, not a very well structured reply, but its come from the heart
Hi EwifeThank you for your lovely heartfelt reply to my post about my brothers passing sorry it as took me so long to get back to you but I have been in a very dark place made all the worst by not being able to attend his funeral despite seeking legal advice but there was nothing we could do then I find out that she is not even attend her own husband funeral! I feel like he’s just been thrown away as if no one loved him we was far from the truth the place would of been stand room only as we could of found out where it was happening.
I just wanted to Thank you for sharing your story I hope you are managing to get through the days, weeks and Months just know your message help me a lot and if you never want to talk just private message as I know what you mean about others not understanding unless they have lived it, My friends and Family have been great but there is nothing like living through a suicide there’s no passing away peacefully in your sleep or dying from a illness which or all bad in there own right and very sad but with suicide its the not knowing and never understand I am just in denial I am going for grief counselling so hopefully that will help me to get through this until the inquest in September which will bring it all back again.
I hope you and your husband are doing good and that he’s had his liver transplant and is well on the road to recovery 🙏🏻❤️ Take Care and love one another no matter want All my Love and Thank you again you are a beautiful person ❤️😘xxxx
So sorry to hear this Dobielove . It never rains but pours at times, and we never know how greif is going to hit us. I hid it all away, but greif is strong and it blows up into something more lasting if you don't deal with it at the time - I found this to my cost.
Cry, thump a pillow, go deep into the woods and scream, anything that gets it all out. Apparently I hear exercise is good for you, I may try it one day, lol
Take care of you first and foremost. Much love Jxx
Hi JackyAMThank you for your reply sorry it taken me so long to get back you but please know I have read all the reply’s and they help more than you all know. I am just starting to deal with my grief as I was ring the coroner’s, police, the funeral director and the lawyer trying to see I could get her to let my parents attend the funeral and see his body but the law was on her side.
So only been the last couple weeks when the grief as been allowed in as to say and it’s hit like a load of bricks, I Am starting grief counselling soon, there as been loads of crying especially at night when everyone sleep. My brother gave me a forget me not plant from his garden because I loved so much this was before he got married! And thought it had die and I was in the garden doing some weeding and I check it again and there it was a tiny leaf no bigger than a ladybug 🐞 and burst out crying it wasn’t there the day before and I had been so upset that I had kill it I managed to order a replacement but it wasn’t the same because it wouldn’t be the one he had given me, I know it stupid but it made me so happy.
I hope you are feeling better feel free to DM if you never want to talk Take Care Love And Thanks Again Deb Much Love Deb💗 xxx
Hi JackyThanks so much and I hope it is a sign I am not religious in anyway but I do believe in energies that are around us so I will take it as he is around us still.
Glad you are feeling and doing better but like you said the smallest thing can bring it all back without warning.
Thanks for the offer of DM I may take you up on that if I started down the dark tunnel again Take Care much 💗Deb..x
Often when I am in that dark hole I don't want anyone around - but it is the very time I probably need someone, so anytime you need a chat I am here for you (unless I'm in the hole - you may struggle to hear me, lol) xxx
Well if you find yourself in that dark hole and need to rant or talk to someone who understands how you are feeling I am here for you too so that’s a plan😉 Thanks Jacky I really do appreciate you taking the time ❤️ Deb.x
This is a truly tragic story and one that is all the harder to imagine in view of your broader circumstances.
Your out-reaching compassion for those around you speaks volumes about the incredibly kind and selfless person you obviously are.
I would encourage you to spend some of that good energy on yourself, taking time to think of your own needs and finding the space to put you in your own "safety bubble". These psychological bubbles can be a wonderful virtual' way of taking time out for yourself and rebuilding the you that will be strong and able to face the new future that lies ahead.
Through such hardship, thinking of a new future will help you define a positive path. The loved one you have lost would not want to think of you pushed to the same darkness so draw on your good inner self and follow that new future in his memory. What a great gift that would be to give to him. The peace of knowing you were safe and continuing with his life in your strides ahead.
Hi BcsurferThank you for your lovely message sorry for my late reply but please know your words helped me to be a stronger person and to get through want I need to do to help all those around me to get through this devastating time I couldn’t get want I wanted for my parents but at least I did everything I could but unfortunately the law was on his wife side so they didn’t get to say goodbye to their Son and I didn’t get to say goodbye to my kid brother but at least I know I did anything I could and hopefully he knows this too and I hope his in a better place🙏🏻
I can now start to work on my own grief and hopefully start to heal I know it going to be a long road specially as we still have the coroner’s inquest to attend in September but I am start grief counselling soon so hopefully that will help make sense of all this. Thanks again from the bottom of my heart for your kind lovely words and widsom Love to you 💗😘xxx
I can’t find the right words because any one of these three traumas would be enough for one person. I am not religious, but my thoughts and energy are being sent your way. When you’re going through hell, KEEP GOING. Don’t stop and you will eventually find your way out. I’m truly, deeply sorry for your grief.
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