Writing to my donor family

[Flowergirl24]

Hi all. 8 months post transplant and with my eye sight improving so I can hand write my letter, I feel the time is right for me to write to my donor family. Any tips would be gratefully appreciated. Thank you.

[TT-2018]

It is definitely the hardest thing that I have ever written. The family can choose if they want to receive it, so if you think about the fact that, should they decide to read it, they are doing it willingly and want to hear your story.

Try not to overthink things and just write from your heart.

You will probably keep changing it and re-writing what you have said. But there is no perfect letter, the most important thing is to actually write your feelings down.

Once you have sent it to the transplant coordinators, you will definitely feel much better for having done this.

I wrote mine 18 months ago and have never received a reply but that is fine, writing it was the most important thing for me.

Good luck, it’s definitely not easy but you will feel much better when you have posted it.

[Flowergirl24 in reply to TT-2018]

Thank you for the advice. I’m sure it will be very emotive for them ( and myself writing it but I will be sensible too) ) if they choose to accept it. I just want to thank them and tell them that they have given me something very special & I intend to look after their gift to the best of my ability.

[Bikafella in reply to Flowergirl24]

I felt it was time to write to my donor after about 12 months as I was sensitive to their loss. I spent over a week on it. I got a reply about 6 months later which was very moving. I wrote again a year later giving an update on my situation. I'll be pleased if I get a reply but I'm not expecting one.

[Flowergirl24 in reply to Bikafella]

Thank you for your reply and having read it, I too now will wait till the first anniversary of the donor family’s donation. I started the letter in my head after my transplant and then started to write down drafts last week. It’s a lovely feeling to have made a start.

[Bikafella in reply to Flowergirl24]

The important thing is that nobody can tell you when it's the right time to send the letter. I don't know if it happened to you but I had a very emotional ride from my home to the hospital when I was called in for the transplant. Knowing that somewhere a family were mourning a loved one but at the same time looking to help a stranger... and my family; and me overwhelmed that a positive life-saving change was soon to happen to me at someone else's loss. It took me a while to work out how I felt - so I felt I had to grant the donor family plenty of time too to manage their situation

[Flowergirl24 in reply to Bikafella]

Hi Bikafella. The Call and the journey to the hospital is such an emotional ride as you said. I had 2 Calls 9 days apart. I was very ill by the time the Calls came (both night time). The first a mixture of shock and thoughts for both families, loss and gain. The second, to deteriorated to recall much but upon waking, my thoughts were of the donor family & their kind & selfless gift of continuous life. I stumbled across a beautiful card just before Christmas. I had been looking before but when I saw it, I knew along with my letter, it was the perfect card and time to start to write to them.

[Richard-Allen]

Like TT-2018 has said, this is going to most likely be the hardest letter you'll ever have to write. You could always Google other peoples transplant letters to donors online. This should give you some idea of what to write, it may also inspire you to share your own feelings and emotions.

I wrote my letter about 6-weeks post transplant. Sadly l never received a reply. I think maybe upon reflection, my timings were too soon, as maybe emotions of the donors family were still raw. Some people do get a response, which must be very welcoming. But this is really about showing your gratitude for this unselfish gift of life.

Just take your time, listen to your heart, and allow the letter to write itself.

Good luck with this.

Richard.

[Flowergirl24 in reply to Richard-Allen]

Hi Richard. Thank you for your reply too. As s replied to Bikafella, I’ve decided to wait until the first anniversary is over. I mentioned that I had written the letter in my head just after my transplant and was so happy and grateful for the gift of life, I wanted to thank the family immediately but my eyesight deteriorated & I couldn’t see to write but thankfully I can almost now. As time went by I felt guilty not handing in my letter at each clinic but reading the replies made me realise there was no rush as I am still only 9 months post transplant. I’m taking my time and I’ll know when it’s right and ready to deliver.,many thanks to you all.

[Hidden in reply to Flowergirl24]

Hi Flower girl, I personally waited until I was over 6 months post so it wasn't near to the 1st year anniversary because feelings would have been a bit low. I'm a type of person who finds it hard to express my feelings so I looked online and found some template letters to help me get things right.

I am so grateful to have received a reply a few months later, after about 2 years and a few more letters back and forth we have just exchanged emails for the first time. One thing about my donors family is that apart from age, number of years married, age when they first met, plus hobbies and holidays, we have a lot in common. I hope one day to meet my donors husband, maybe while we are doing our favorite hobby.

I hope this helps and I really hope you get a reply like I did.

Good luck

Lenny