Think I have just found the single hardest part about having a transplant - writing a letter to the donor family!!
I’ve written it now, but am just wondering about any advice from anyone on here about depth of content.
Mine is nearly 2 pages long. I’ve tried not to make it about a ‘woe was me’, because the family have clearly suffered more than I have!! Any thoughts or advice greatly received.....before I send it on!! Andy.
I agree with you about the hardest part, it really is difficult to find the right words to convey the emotions around the subject. If you re-read it and amend, it will always change. My advice would be to check your letter for any errors and then send it. You will feel better when it has been done.
Just a warning dont be disappointed if you dont get a reply. That is what happened to us.
Some families find it hard to come to terms with after losing a loved one and dont want to know further once they have given consent.
Good Luck
Hi Andy
I am slightly conflicted.
I live in France and here there can be no contact between donor and recipient. No way for the family to know what has happened to the organs donated. Actually perhaps they know how many organs were used but there is a ‘Chinese wall’ which means that there can be no contact in Normal situations. This means I cannot write a letter and there is no letter received by the family where they know the positive, or not, outcomes of organ giving.
In my minds eye my donor was a young male motorbike rider driving too fast on the Peripherique (motorway around Paris) who died. My family was told there was no hope on Friday evening then at 2am on Saturday I was being prepared.
I think I would like to write to the donor, even if it is difficult but I also respect the way the French do it.
I suggest there is no good way to do it. You do it from your heart and your sincerity will shine through.
Good luck
Izzy xxx
Hi Isabelle2,
I’m from Canada (Toronto) and we can not know anything about our donor as well BUT we are encouraged to write a letter to the donor family that is handled by a 3 party to ensure they receive the letter. It is up to the donor family if they choose to reach out or not. I have not received any feedback - as I think most family’s don’t ( I don’t know) I do know that the process of writing the letter is SO PROFOUND AND MEANING-FULL that it helps us who have received the gift of life. I’m just saying that is my experience. I know everyone’s experience is different - I just wish everyone health and happiness. 💜
Hi, yes it is a difficult letter to write, I just wrote in a card and basically said thank you for giving me life and allowing me to see my children grow up, I think anything you write from the heart is right, the family will be pleased. I did receive a reply to my letter saying they were pleased I was doing well and they were glad something good had come out of their mothers death.
Good luck
Hilary
When hubby wrote his he took it to his transplant team at the Royal Free before he wrote the actual card that they bought. They edited it to make it not so long. The transplant team let the donor family know that there is a card/letter waiting for them, but they may choose not to recieve it. It stays with the transplant team until the donor family are ready
Yes I agree the MOST important letter that you will write in your life will be to the Donor Family.
You must only write when you are truly ready - there is NO time line. (Just write from your heart) And yes I agree DO NOT EXPECT AN ANSWER. We all do and sometimes it’s happens and sometimes it does not.
Honestly I have to tell you what happen with me when I met someone at Toronto General Hospital - I was 10 days post transplant and had to learn to walk again and eat again. All going well as I was pushing myself. I went into the common room we call it here ( on the floor there is a room for patience, family etc to read, talk, watch tv etc. ). This day I met a woman about 10 yrs older than me - she was flown from another province to Ontario - to Toronto General Hospital. We started talking and she could not believe that it had only been 10 days since my transplant and I was doing so well. Long story short - I kept an eye on her- she had ups and downs - finally 4 weeks later she received her transplant. I would to visit her on my clinic visits. - SHE TOLD ME HER HUSBAND DIED FROM A WORK ACCIDENT 10 YEARS AGO - ALL ORGANS THAT COULD BE USED WERE DONATED. SHE RECEIVED EVERY SINGLE LETTER - she read each and every one.
So I guess I’m saying first hand I know the family does receive our letters and they keep them close to their heart.
Wishing everyone - WELLNESS!!!❤️❤️❤️
Letter to donor relatives 
Writing to my donor family
Becoming a burden to my family 
