Over two months now, and believing I was heading into the deeper blue ocean towards the dawn of a bright future, I now encounter a reef which I need to circumvent. And to continue the metaphor; hitherto, there’ve been rocks, boulders, undulating terrane, clinging sand and weed, as well as the odd shark that I’ve had to negotiate; yet, here is this barrier.
Certainly not an impenetrable barrier, though one that deserves my respect, nonetheless. Notwithstanding circumstances, there are many variables involved in recovery, such as attitude, perseverance and time. One of the main players for me, was the recent hip replacement. I say was, since I cannot continue to use this reason for the negative factors I feel.
As many of you know, post-surgery is beset with all manner of different living conditions; pain, limited mobility, infection and mood swings et cetera. And during all this, I contend with abstinence. Oh, yes, the wound did become infected, so I attributed some of the lethargy, frustration and melancholy to this cause. Though now it’s mostly healed, and I don’t need a cane any longer either. Yesterday, I was able to drive again, safely and confidently; however, despite these obvious improvements, I’m greatly fatigued.
Now, I’m not just talking about a little slothfulness or lack of motivation, as I’ve been feeling fatigued to the point of non-function and I actually began to think along the lines of, “If it’s this bad, I might as well drink and be done with it”. Yes, I know, totally off the wall, but at that point I remembered the impact of ‘Post-Acute Withdrawal’ (PAW) on recovery.
In as much as we don’t know what we don’t know, I’m certainly glad I was told about this ‘potential’ problem. PAW doesn’t affect everyone of course, and I haven’t experienced it before either, whether from alcohol withdrawal or from any ‘other’ drug. It’s about chemical changes in our brain due to addiction and the time needed for those changes to be reversed. There’s a relevant article at ‘Psychologytoday.com’, type ‘Detoxing after Detox’ in the search box to access it, definitely a good read and being forewarned is forearmed.
I did buy that no alcohol beer again, though I’ll give you the drum, it does contain alcohol, approx. 0.04%. Now, that’s nothing really, isn’t it! Though it could be ‘the thin edge of the wedge’, so be aware. Moreover, on the bottle it said, ‘Zero-alcohol 0.0%’, ha, then in small print, ‘can contain 0.041% alcohol. Unbelievable, but I decided to check it out for myself with my portable breath-tester. Yep, after one ‘stubby’ my breath registered 0.04%. I was really ticked, angry, I don’t even like beeeer!
You know, I’ve tried to give an accurate account, and this post may seem a little on the negative side, though I hasten to say, what good would it do to always give a rosy, unrealistic view! How would that help anyone, let alone me! On the plus side, I’ve continued to lose weight, approx. 8kg now and my lung function is the best. Also, I now know the fatigue will slowly ease and not to be disheartened.
Knowledge can be a powerful tool, and I’ve no doubt there will be other hinderances along this journey, though right now I have a schematic of this reef before me and I’m confident I can negotiate it without injury.
As always, thank you for your support and encouragement
Cya next time