I don’t really feel a hell of a lot of positive vibes atm. What with pain, pain meds etc. Ok, I can say I am continuing to lose weight, though I haven’t stepped on a set of scales since I went to my gym last Wed. Yes, I know it’s only the other day, but it feels like a month. I have the staples out this Thursday, which is just 15 days since the hip-replacement. I’ve pulled in another notch on my belt, so I must’ve lost around 6kg since my violent change of life direction. I say that, cause I’m far enough down the abstinence track to look back at what happened.
Man, I’ve had some hairy days, but that very first day was like hog-tying a run-away steer at full gallop. I just had to get that one day under my belt, then build on it. Alcohol was killing me. I kept gaining weight, no matter what I tried. You all know alcohol lowers your will power and with me at least, that meant more alcohol with hot, salty, soggy chips. My lung function was suffering badly, motivation was almost non-existent, and my alcoholic lifestyle was becoming, feeling like normality; a habitual behaviour that was reinforced each day at 9am when the bottle shop opened down at the beach.
I feel I’m in another world now. My senses, that were sedated, dulled, are now accurately interpreting the outside world, I guess. Now that sounds a little out there, lol, but it’s like everything is new. I think I said in an earlier post that I was a bit freaked out by it, but my sight, taste, smell, hearing and touch are heightened. Walking each day, I can smell the grass, trees and that fresh, sweet smell of rain. I think the first week post-surgery, I was still affected by the anaesthetic, and the whole process was a distraction from the alcohol urges.
So now, I’m enjoying this experience. Hip’s healing well and this morning I felt I didn’t even need a stick. I’ve been given a forth chance at sorting out my life, and I’m not going to spoil it. With support, I feel I’m on my way to a new life, fit and back windsurfing, yeah!
Well, it started out a ‘Hot, Dry Desert’, because I just didn’t feel that talkative and had a sort of writer’s block. However, I found an oasis and promise of a better future.
So, thank you all for your encouragement, support and best wishes that helped heaps and I’ll post a day 60 as well.
Cya’s
Written by
Jalanutan
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
OK, apart from the dodgy hip which isn’t helping, all sounds on plan. It’ll soon become the norm not to drink although those urges never go completely unfortunately, but they do reduce in size.
Do you agree those urges are of a social, not physical, nature? The physical withdrawal from alcohol has a more finite resolution. I'm not saying that makes it any easier, and don't mean to minimize alcohol's very real physical, and physically damaging, effects.
Whereas the commitment to an alcohol-free lifestyle is one that has to be made anew on a more frequent, sometimes daily, basis.
I'm talking about relearning social behaviors that are taught and reinforced by our parents, friends, bosses, etc.
People who offer up a toast, buy you a drink, size up your ability to "hold your liquor."
That may never go away, even if you're not an alcoholic, because that is part of our social fabric and we are social creatures who seek to belong to groups.
That's difficult for all of us, some more so than others. Just keepin' it real.
A bit of both. I also used to sit there on the computer or in front of the TV with a glass of wine. Nothing social about that 😀 That was just a habit and a pretty pathetic one as not only did I not appreciate the taste and aroma of the wine, I didn’t notice the rate at which it went down! So not only is it a habit, but your body becomes accustomed to all that alcohol going down your throat evert night. So it then becomes a physical/mental thing.
The social side was always a problem, but surprisingly it was easier to give up for this side of things. I told friends I’d stopped drinking, and once they’d recovered from the shock, they were pretty OK and supportive and would have called me out if I’d been tempted to drink.
I’ve no problem now telling strangers i don’t drink. I mean, if they ask of offer me a drink - I don’t walk the streets telling complete strangers 🙂
Yeah, I'm on a roll hahaha. The urges? I have alternatives that are now much easier to employ. Even the previously constant glass in the hand, I substitute for coffee, juice, soup etc. even water.
I think the urges are both physical and psychological. Though when emotions are involved, like relationship trouble or it's been a hard day at work or that long drive, can we say it's purely physical? Certainly not any sort of withdrawal after months/years. But it's these emotive situations that seem to prompt that ''old'' urge. Sneaky alcohol, so insidious. And as far as social drinking, I don't have a problem, I'll just say 'no', or drink coke or non-alco beer! If people think less of me, than so be it..
Thx CocoChannel and also Boots for keepin' it real. Good points, great stuff
Interesting point about physical and mental - I experience that the physical discomfort itself doesn't drive the 'drink would sort it' though. It seems the discomfort drives the brain to find what would help. And it comes up with the most fixed habit we have had and says "go to it". So we just have to remember, maybe forever, to recognise the discomfort, go the way that works kindly to yourself to soothe the here and now irritation.
You are so right, good point how the mental discomfort becomes more physical out of old habit.
So it is really a relearning process of finding healthy ways to comfort oneself. Staying in the moment, becoming mindful of the triggers and short-circuiting the loop.
Sometimes my brain is a bit like a juke box of old. I want to play a tune, put my money in the slot, press the 'right' button, watch as the mechanical arm raises and selects the disc - then aaaaaaaaah It plays loud the oppposite of what I wanted to spin!
Luckily, with age, I don't stress and strive so much about playing the 'wrong' disc.
Ha, yeah man, mean doesn't cover it, it's the 'or what'. Down right manipulative...
There are 'some' indigenous communities in Aussie, where alcoholism can sometimes be a problem, so the brewers stick a bottle shop smack bang in the middle of this 'way-out-back' community where they jack the prices up, twice that of the hotel in town...
Hmmm, well, it can be, but working out how to do something is not the same as doin' it, hey! I'm a bit the same. Many ppl just go along with the general consensus, but not me, so I'm labeled a troublemaker...so be it!
Great, this booze free life init ????.......suddenly when the for clears, all senses are heightened. Your doing a great job, just keep it up. Good news on the weight loss too.👍👍👍
Looking forward to the next installment of your journey😁😁😁
Sorry, no family and mixed reactions from friends. Its a bit like the 'real thing' that Boots spoke of. I understand that some feel threatened by what I've accomplished so far, like it reflects on them in some way.
Whatever, I sort of view the people here as friends, if you know what I mean...
Your doing great, please don't listen to the doubting friends, because they haven't reached your level of realisation that alcohol is poison yet. Just be a bit smug that you have😊😊😊👍👍👍...... you don't need booze to have fun.😁😁😁
I had no trouble telling friends I was alco dependent, and once they got over the initial shock, they were supportive that I’d stopped drinking.
But another point. Am I smug when I tell people I don’t drink? Oh yes 😀
It goes like this:
Colleague: blah blah beer?
Me: I don’t drink. I used to, but I stopped
Colleague: you mean you only drink at weekends?
Me: No
Colleague: on holiday?
Me: Nope
Colleague: So when do you drink?
Me: I just said. I used to, but I stopped.
Colleague: So you don’t drink at all?
Me: No.
Colleague: Coming for a beer after work?
I had the misfortune of going on a business trip with five colleagues recently. They had two pints for starters, then went to a restaurant for four more beers before dessert in a pub where I assume more drink was taken (I didn’t follow). Living the dream.
Yeah, understand, but not smug, that's just a negative derogatory way of putting down those who are abstaining. It's almost like they want you to get down and dirty with them. Cause if you don't, it's showing them up...
Everyone on here us great. I have Nash caused by meds from my Drs but I do understand drinking alcohol can become an illness through no fault of your own. Take care Lynne
True, but I know some would say, 'You chose to drink'. No-one, in my opinion is wholly responsible, as there are just too many variables. Advertising, social acceptance, easily accessible and relatively inexpensive, just to name a few...
Threatened, because without a doubt, they know it's wrong to ignore their health and responsibilities to family and self to do better.
At least, that's what l have experienced. My old drinking buddies, who are still friends, but we are miles apart now, so it's automatically different, have confided that they wish they could quit. Of course, we both know they can, but it's not a priority for them right now. I don't feel smug, l feel sad and a little bit angry. I'm not going to pretend l'm perfect now. Being sober isn't always fun or easy. On a good day, l do feel more positive. Maybe if l felt better more days, it would bother me less.
Yep, ya'nailed it... How long have you been sober? I'm still goin' through that PAWS 'Moonbeam' put me on to. To be truthful, I'm going through a certain amount of stress atm and not just the hip hop...sorry can't help myself If I was still on the booze, it'd be goin' down easy atm. But now, I have to deal with situations that would normally have me headin' down to the bottlo. So, I'm not bouncin' around with a stupid grin on me dial all the time. No, but I'm finding it easier and easier to deal with idiots and my music helps heaps. I've got to focus on my goal to be windsurfing this season and uni next. year, keep on moving forward. You know, I'm less and less interested on hanging out with the boys. I feel on the outer, cause it's all about alcohol. I know it would be much easier if it wasn't so ingrained in our culture...
seems like it's the tip of the iceberg, giving up what we're addicted to. It's a massive loss. It triggers a full-on bereavement process with all its stages. It is a great tangle of painful stuff that needs unraveling. We can do it. It's such an unpleasant process that we can doubt if its the 'right thing' to do. But the self who witnesses the pain we are going through is aware that it is the right thing. We can do it. But it is not an event, it's a forever process leading us on, in most cases away from people we have been close to or just hung out with. We can do it, and better with help. Keep finding your 'strong' Jalantuan. You can do it.
It's late, l can't sleep, if you really want the down low, l will lay it out for you.
I have been sober since 2016, since before the day l found out l had cirrhosis.
I did not consider myself a big drinker, just a normal person who drank occasionally. When l found l had cirrhosis, l was told l couldn't drink anymore, so l quit, no problem.
The complication for me is, l live with an alcoholic. l resent it very much that he doesn't have a thing wrong with his liver, and find it more and more intolerable lately to be around alcohol, through him.
I mean, that isn't new, it was already a problem tbh. But having cirrhosis has really changed my priorities, and l want to be healthy as can be now.
In the past, I have thought, at times, if you can't beat them, join them.
I grew up with an alcoholic parent, I'm sure that's why it seemed so normal. I am constantly fighting depression, l ate my feelings for years and gained a lot of weight. I am tempted sometimes by the promise of oblivion, but know how stupid that would be.
To make a long story short, l know my journey is just beginning. There but for the grace of God, as they say.
I appreciate your candour. Wow, three years, that's awesome, and I see the strength you've had to muster for day to day coping.
I don't have anyone drinking in front of me as you have, but I can relate to the emotional eating and depression. You're an inspiration, the way you can centre on our own present and future health.
As long as ur in good state north or south. 🤓. Sure we may well all be related. A Viking said that to me on holidays, not to mention the Police Officer in Florida who's great great, u know the rest. That's the end of the History lesson. 👍
I'm humbled, especially as you see me only just into my second month of alcohol abstinence! Nonetheless, if you check back near the end of this Day50 post where I say I've been given a 'fourth' chance of sorting out my life, it's not a typo.
LSD/Psychosis; Financial ruin/divorce/pain med addiction/methadone program; 2nd divorce/matricide accusations/pain med addiction/stilnox addiction/methadone program#2; Alcohol... But who's counting...
You know Boots, Miles mentioned that you should write a book. Why not? I also intend to write an autobiography. I've actually already begun, but don't know if I'll finish it. Guess I'll just keep pluggin' away...
I almost just deleted the lot...apart from the first sentence that is; yet, here it stands. There's certainly nothing to boast about... :-I
Thx mate, I appreciate the acknowledgement. Depressed me a bit while typing, you know, remembering etc.
I believe in the strength of an individual to overcome adversity. I replied to this earlier, but lost it all (all the text). Bummer, but long to short, I have this alcoholism to trounce and git bak on the track. Back at uni, which I returned to this year to finish a degree in social work I began a decade ago.
I'm not going to let all that lived experience perish and go to waste. Now, that would be a tragedy...
It is certainly a lot of work to change. Let's think about transformation, the lowly worm who eats everything in sight, then cocoons from the outside world of noisy interference, and finally, emerges into the sunlight with fragile wings, a butterfly! 🦋😀
I'm learning to walk on water, though your view re bereavement is very real. It's really hard in the beginning, when there are no positive changes and all I can think about is how I would 'feeeel' half stung down at the beach. It 'is' a great loss, and I've not heard it put in such a way as you have here.
You mentioned the 'self' that is witness, I like that, almost philosophical. But then, we don't know what we don't know... We are what we are. I am. That is enough...
We aren't talking of letting go of a life-raft, only letting go of what gets in the way of living better. In this sense fear is your friend - it signals that you can decide what action to take to stay safe.
Yeah... not easy, though nothing worthwhile ever is. I've much to learn in this life and much I wish to accomplish. Though it seems to me, that being able to prevent a misuse/waste, of our own power and energy, by our own hand, that so much of our life would fall into place.
Sometimes the light gets in just enough to see where to go next. (Leonard Cohen, "there's a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in..) Just be you, not your past or your future. Just keep on doing what a body must do to stay alive. Sometime in the day, just Be Aware of what you are doing. Even if you are just washing a cup to drink from, notice what you see and feel and hear. Even if you are lying in a heap, notice every detail. Could you get more comfortable? Enjoy being you in the moment. More and more every day.
Too right, it's what I used to do and try to focus on now. For me, it's about awareness of ones senses, interpreting what's 'out there'! In return I am relaxed and calm, with little or no chatter in my head, allowing for an expansive consciousness
I'm going to make breakfast now. Spinach wilted with all the water squeezed out. Add some chilli and grated lemon rind, some brocoli (?), some diced FRIED bacon. in a pan like an eggless omelette. I can eat anything in the morning. Afternoon is difficult. I watched impeachment inquiry, live, yesterday. I thought it very impressive and moving.
Ask them to not start without me please - doctor at 2pm!! The wood carving is stunning.... worth watching for that alone, but the proceedings are very interesting. It helps me to see a thorough disection for some reason. The outcome will be what it is, but the process is inspiring.
And devastatingly funny when she talked about how her mother cut her hair to look like Richard III after her classmate set her braid on fire.
Without getting into politics, I loved what she said about being upset with a male ambassador:
"I was actually, to be honest, angry with him and, you know, I hate to say it, but often when women show anger, it's not fully appreciated," Hill testified, adding, "It's often, you know, pushed onto emotional issues perhaps or deflected onto other people."
I wanted to stand up and cheer! In fact, her matter-of-fact criticism of sexism apparently resonated with strong women everywhere. l understand it was quite a sensation on social media.
Fiona Hill is a British-born American foreign affairs specialist. She is a former official at the (United States) National Security Council specializing in Soviet, Russian and European affairs.
Miles, she testified today at the impeachment hearings, which were televised live. She is a first generation American, her father was a coal miner in Northern England and her family was poor.
Aha thanks boot! I was lazy wasn’t I!! So I am assuming she is testing against Trumpy boy? I suppose if I was so inclined I should google it. But all in all a bit fed up with the news over here never mind one of my favourite places - your country of course! ... (yes I am indeed biased from lovely hols over there as an innocent tourist 😀😀)
Technically no one is testifying for or against, just telling what they know, saw and/or heard as regards the facts surrounding a complaint by a credible witness (the so-called whistle-blower) that the President of the United States committed impeachable offense(s).
Wasn't she a phenomenon? Devastatingly precise and understated. I loved when she confirmed that she put out the fire on her braids with her bare hands and carried on with the exam. I liked she made clear the danger of 'sides' in an argument where the far bigger danger was elsewhere, undefended.
Thanks for hedz up for the day. I missed not a moment.
I hope it stays able to view on internet.
• in reply to
What else was in the mix. Lucidity and some fully conscious exploring, round 7:30am. Worldly. & Me in my cot.
• in reply to
have a look - parliament channel - today 2-10pm - see what ya think.
• in reply to
Mad Hatters Tea Party .
• in reply to
That was cBB's I think...
• in reply to
😲Watched Fiona Hill🤔
• in reply to
Whitehouse, Whitewash. No🧠er. 😜
Fabulous story and well done on all your achievements !
Maybe in time some of this to look forward to when your hips fully recovered 🏝🏊♂️!
Our brains seem hardwired to remind us to do what we habitually did. Even tho what we did was damaging. If I ignore its reminding me, it reminds me more often. If I say "thanks for reminding me but I don't do that anymore" gradually there are fewer and weaker reminders. It sounds woohoo, talking to your brain but it works for me.
David, I've said before that my boys are similar, but you are so like my boys, Stanley is left handed, has Aspergers, Freddie is dyslexic. I used to joke with my husband that I'd made them wonky but I think it's genetics. My brother is proper OCD, he used to have alcohol dependence due to recurring obsessions, needing to be free of his mind. He is also left handed!! My sister, who died in 2010 due to alcoholism had mental health issues. So I think as well as the physical and social reasons for alcohol dependence, our genes play a big part.
I have known for a long time that my differences to ordinary people were connected. When I was at school these differences weren't known about.
so I was labeled as thick, because I was very slow.
I couldn't read 'till I was 9 years old, so was put in the lower stream. It was then that I started to shine.....photographic memory, very quick at maths, good at art,and strangely, writing stories and poetry. I got put in the A stream for English and Maths, I subsequently went on to get O levels,A levels and a degree in engineering.
My Da like me was made to write right handed, it failed with me, but my Da ended up ambidextrous.
None of these differences should stop any child from achieving.
Have a look at the Dyslexia website, there's a lot of info about us, and they have a YouTube channel also.
Thank goodness there is more help out there these days. My friend's son wasn't diagnosed until high school but he has done so well. I bet you are very proud if your boys. Before I took ill health retirement last year , one if my jobs in school was teaching assistant, i worked with children who had autism, Asperger's syndrome etc. It was so rewarding seeing them achieve different things in school. Even if they weren't always top off the class, they'd done well for their ability and made us all so proud of them as were their parents!! Sorry, I digressed then . Love and hugs Lynne xxxx
Yes, and sometimes the 'reminder' triggers a memory of how good it was (tasted, felt, whatever). But it is only a memory. What harmed us was poison and still is.
• in reply to
Apparently the only time I had a smile on my face was glass in hand.
Always smiling, So sad. ☹️
• in reply to
are you smiling now?
• in reply to
Laughing all the way to the bank. Its a money spinner. No longer down the drain. Health is wealth. 👍
Man, if we dwell on that thought, we're done for. It happened to me every single day. The thing is, I know it's poisoning me, trying to kill me, but it still lead me down to the bottle... That was sooooo hard for me anyway. To get that first day in, so I had to continually distract myself from that thought of being down the beach, feet up on the dash, watching all the talent cruise by while I chilled out with my bourbon baby.....DAMN, STOP IT...someone SLAP me again... lol
I'm truly happy to slap you !!! Watching all that talent...... You sounded like you we're a bit of a .... what's the word .......drunken stoker which was definately NOT good, so your well slapped 🤣🤣🤣
• in reply to
Well slapped Trish. I was wanting to slap him for saying "talent". He didn't even give it a capital T! I let him off from laziness.
Ah you meanie Trish. I used to watch the talent - oops sorry filly - the Talent - when I used to live at the beach in you know where 🙂👍. It was part of life when we limed around as young uns!!
I'll give ten euros to a passing stranger to the first one of us to get a new thread started. Can't find who say what now and hed hurty. Trish, what did you buy at the shopping expedition with Fran?
Yep, Fili's spot on Miles, guess the post I was replying is somewhere around. I just logged in, and say a few more posts. I'm in a different time zone is seems.
Hi filly - in Barbados a limer was someone who chilled out on the beach or anywhere chilling out watching others alone or as a group. Usually young uns. Jal would be a limer if he was in Barbados 😀
Yeah, I don't understand it. I've the latest iOS too (Catalina)
Checked the link, just now and have downloaded emoji lite but it still can't use it here...I'll have to read the instructions, damn, blokes don't need those things eh!?
Blurry instructions - they are a pain in the ar... Behind! everything should be intuitive - no instructions required. That’s was my design philosophy 🙂👍
Each to their own I guess, but I changed to iOS and love it. I've still an android phone, cause it works and expensive to buy a new iPhone. I used PC's since 92, for my business etc and always threatened to change to 'Apple', and people who did said they'd never go back, but I reckoned that the devil you know and all that.
Now, I say I'll never go back. I've an iPad that is just soooo good. Like I said, each to their own, and I'm not judging here, least ways I hope no-one thinks that
I agree - each to their own I tried an android phone and hated it. But hey ho it’s all a matter of choice as you say. I love my ipad and my iphone is OK. I have a windows PC because I could not justify an Apple one!
great philosophy, and perhaps the way of the future, but not in my time. Withal, I find more and more intuitive people, or perhaps we are attracted???!!!
Yep, all good, and I can bend to touch me toes too! I had to be very careful that I didn't over stretch etc. I guess they've given you the appropriate exercises to follow! Do them please, but it's such a delicate part of our body.
I quiet enjoy people watching whilst leisurely having a drink when maybe sitting outside a lovely french cafe most relaxing, and if in the right location it can be quiet enchanting which I like and love ! 🤗
Whats your location? I'm busy in the kitchen preparing Sunday Lunch of Roast Lamb whilst Lady Antebellum playing away on Alexa and I'm jigging away at the same 💃💃! Then some flower shopping ..
Ok, so there's about 14hrs diff, as it's just after 5pm right now. Beauty is relative of course, and I reckon that quaint little town of Shrewsbury would be nice to visit too!
How am I feeling? I've had/have a little anxiety lately, though I know how to deal with it...sort of. I really think that 'PAWS' is still clawing at me from time to time.
I know that recovery from a major op in terms of psychological as well as physiological can be taxing, and take time to balance out.
Still, being in the moment can be onerous, to say the least. That's why I use distraction to good affect.
I appreciate you caring enough to ask, thx
Thank you for sharing your inspiring story, I am sure it will help others who are going through similar experiences.
Yahoooooooooooo, you sound smashing, so glad you are feeling more positive, I have never tried windsurfing in my life! Love watching though! Your weight loss will be an advantage to you, roll on day 60!
Hey, thx for that. Actually, windsurfing was always really big in the UK and Europe, heaps more than here in Aussie. It's one of those sports where age isn't really a barrier, as long as your health is reasonable. Anyway, your health improves as you learn, I reckon it's great, but I'm bias, lol.
Ok, the gusting wind power you describe counts and is sustainable too! However, it's right at the negative back end of a bell curve, not at all an enjoyable activity with friends...
I know, it's a crazy world... I believe it's been tried, producing methane on a farm to supply all the energy needs of the home. It worked so well, we never heard from it again...spooky hey! I guess they were offered an amount they couldn't resist, or forced out...I'm assuming the power companies were involved...
Rare steak??? You gotta slap it both sides on the hot plate at least, just to kill the bellow, lol hahahaha
There was a really good interactive site named 'Depnet', which was like this, but also had a chat section. Unfortunately, a few members would become a little too involved and overstepped the boundary too often.
Had a visitor... Ok, to finish... So, 'Depnet' is still there, but without the interactive part. Really , only the 'chat' part should have been deleted.
Being a site specifically for 'Depression', I know that I was more depressed when they axed it. The good friendships that were made withered...
So, due to a couple of idiots, we all suffered...
The moral is, if we all keep our posts etc to a high standard, then we all benefit; yes?
That's such sad news when I'm presuming you must have made lots of wonderful friends then lost them👎. I'm so glad we have a PM section on here as I've made some amazing friends who I shall never loose! 👌
This was 10yrs ago, but some us kept in touch via phone and email. Depnet was sooo good. A couple of times a member would voice their intention to suicide and twice, I had called our emergency #000, that's how close we were. One member actually did suicide and had posted that she would. We read it too late, but her husband found her password for 'depnet', and logged on to thank all of us for supporting her.
For those who are very private, and especially if they have few friends and no family, interactive sites like 'Depnet' and even the 'Liver Trust' substitute for a support group and help so many.
Content on HealthUnlocked does not replace the relationship between you and doctors or other healthcare professionals nor the advice you receive from them.
Never delay seeking advice or dialling emergency services because of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked.
Really starting to worry. :(
Hot and cold sweats
Cirrhosis over time.
1000 days sober 
