Well here we are again but this time don’t think there’s a get out of jail free card.
To all the adults and kids that are caring, supporting, helping praying things to change my heart goes out to you.
My dad was diagnosed with cirrhosis last February and things have just gone from bad to worse lots of hospital trips and falls later I think his tipped his liver over the edge this time instead from abstaining from alcohol he decided to drink more.
His now full of fluid being drained got constant diarrhoea and there checking for internal bleeding. I lost my mum from heart disease at 60 and gradually watched my dad destroy himself I know it’s an illness but when your in the receiving end it’s so hard.
I’ve done my best to support him and no matter what still been there even though at times I’ve hated him.
Sending love to anyone who needs that little bit more today please don’t beat yourself up if your in this situation as I’ve done in the past.
Jo X
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Bubbles201271
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Hi Bubbles
I've been in your situation too and it's tough! Has your dad always drunk or since your mum died? All I can say is try not to be alone to much and if possible have friends and family around you as much as possible as you shouldn't be all alone at times like this as your mind can start playing tricks .
My advice to you is , if you can, make time for some fun even if its only one night , you need a little happiness to keep you on track.
My fingers are crossed that your dad will pull through this and hopefully he'll see your loving concerns!
Please take care of yourself Bubbles and write to me anytime ! Heres a virtual hug!
What a terrible situation for you to be in ☹️. I’ve often thought it much worse for the carer in this situation than the person who’s ill. The ill person either doesn’t know what’s going on or doesn’t care what’s going on. (Speaking from my own experience as that ill person).
Maybe your poor Dad can’t cope with losing your Mum - but you obviously know that already. It’s so hard to know what to say really. I just hope you can cope “OK”.
I really feel for you , I've been a carer as well, you do it out of love for that person and wouldn't have it any other way, but it doesn't alter the fact that it makes you very tired. You have nothing to reproach yourself for. Love and hugs Lynne xxxx
I am so very sorry to hear that you are in this awful situation. You have done everything you possibly could. As welI as well as having the support of the wonderful forum members I hope you also have family and friends who can help you through this emotionally and physically exhausting time.
regards
Hi there Jo, I am so very sad for you. On the other hand I so applaud you. What sacrifices you have made. I can only imagine how terrible it was for you. Through all this you come offering support for other sufferers... I applaud you. I have nothing in the way of advice, as frankly I know nothing. All the same may I send you huge hugs xx take care of yourself. Jaycee
As an ex-drinker, even I don’t really get the mindset of a heavy drinker. It’s even harder to understand for a non-drinker.
My wife has never drunk alcohol and even now doesn’t quite understand how my mind works when it comes to alcohol. In a restaurant, for example, she might occasionally ask if I want a glass of wine. I’m not blaming her, but it’s clearly hard to convey how difficult it is to quit. The research is clear - former heavy drinkers who start again and attempt to moderate will fail. It was with a heavy heart I came to realise that, and I can’t drink again. It seems your dad hasn’t reached the same conclusion yet, but please don’t give up. Good luck.
It's even worse when the drinker keeps urging me to join in, I had always been a social drinker and I guess he just can't wrap his head around that it's me, not him, who simply can't drink any more! Maybe he feels guilty? I never thought of that.
I'm so sorry for all you have been going through. I know you have done everything you can to help your Dad see sense, give up drinking and recover. Sadly he just doesn't want to enough. Hard as it sounds, just because hes obviously thrown it all back in your face and given up on his life, doesn't mean you have to give up on yours. Don't waste any more time, get out there and enjoy your life to the full. You've been dragged down by it all for long enough.
Sure, its very sad and very hard for him that he has lost his wife but drinking more because of it is only going to make him more miserable. Self medicating like this is not the answer. But l know he isn't going to take any notice of that, you can't help those who don't want to be helped. You've done all the right things...
Looking after yourself now, not feeling guilty, staying strong and now be happy. Looking after an alcoholic in denial is utter torture !
This is a difficult one Laura! But lets say, miracle of miracles, Bubbles’s dad pulls through. He then “sees the light” realising what a selfish so and so he’s been to Bubbles, the rest of the family and indeed to all those in the Hospital caring for him. How would Bubbles feel if she had walked away now before that wonderful day? (I am not sure you are advocating walking away fully or not, though?)
Whatever, there must be a middle ground when you can have a reasonably good life as a carer but still love and visit someone at sensible intervals to show that caring still?
I don’t know, I’m sure...I’m sure I don’t know....
Hope Bubbles makes the decision best for her now though, because, as you so rightly say, she must take some time to enjoy her own life - that is for sure 👍.
In my case dealing with the lying, stealing and denial for over 4 years, bringing up 2 children, working 7 days per week to keep the roof over our heads eventually took its toll. There was NO practical or emotional support out there then or at least, none l could find or was offered to me. It was unhealthy for my children to witness what their Father was doing to himself and to us, hence leaving him with his Mother. I told him " You get better, you can come home" That was the only statement which finally made him face his demons and get the help he needed. He came home for weekends when he had been dry for 6 weeks. But died 8 weeks later. Maybe if I had thrown him out sooner, he would have had more time to have sobered up... that we will never know and I will NEVER appologise for the way l handled the whole sad sorry situation. I did what l did and had to do so that at least the 3 of us had the chance to survive. And no one has the right to question how any of us carers deal with our individual situations least of all those who have never walked in our very painful shoes.
I was a carer before my cirrhosis diagnosis. It’s an impossible situation to deal with, the only fortunate thing was that there were no children to cope with. Their welfare should always be the priority and keeping yourself mentally in the right place and head in the right direction is a fine balancing act, to say the very least.
So sorry to hear about your dad and your efforts to help him. I toohave cirrhosis but not due to alcohol and so can’t understand the self destructive mind of someone who can’t give it up, but at some time he must have been someone you loved or you wouldn’t be doing what you are for him. Cant offer you anything but my best wishes and hope that you can stay strong. Take care.
😢
Hi Bubbles
It's another day on and I'm just seeing your ok? I know one day of support from us all here must have been a wonderful boost for you but you must take in that were all still here to help!
Try and keep strong as best as you can as we understand ! X
I lost my dad to this although he had stopped for a 9 months before he died it was too late.. It's so painful.. So hard to watch and so difficult to understand.
I hope you get your happy ending but from someone who's been there will you can talk to your dad say what you want to say ask the questions you need answering.. I wish you all the best xxx
Hi to Bubbles and everyone in this situation. My husband cannot see the reason to carry on without drinking not even for me. Remember good times and take care.
Ah, that's sadly common, but it's not your fault. My stepfather drank himself to death at 54, although official cause of death was a heart attack. This man chose to isolate himself and give in to his demons. He made a choice. My choice was to make a better life for my sister.
I really feel for you. My brother went through similar and they got him well again but then he went back on the booze and he sadly died five years ago, aged 50. He left behind two daughters as well as siblings and my mum. He once said he thought he could control the alcohol but he realised too late that it was controlling him. Just make sure your dad knows how loved he is. That’s all family and friends can do. Wishing for a good outcome. Stay strong xx
Sorry to hear about your brother. 50 is too young. Yes, all drinkers think they can quit and then start again in moderation to begin with. Not a chance unfortunately. It took me years to realise.
Thank you everyone for your lovely messages. They drained some more fluid yesterday, but he just looks so frail and helpless now. Got constant diarrhoea and no appetite. It was his birthday yesterday but not exactly in celebrating mode. Will see consultant tomorrow and find out more. I can’t tell you the struggles I’ve had with him over the years three detoxes which he lasted about a month each time. I’ve been to meetings, been his carer through detoxing and had my world ripped from under me when he started drinking again. I do remember the good times we’ve had when he was my dad. My son is 22 and not had a relationship with him for years due to his drinking he could get very embarrassing when out in public and my son just couldn’t cope.
Thank you so much for all your kind words and reassurance I’m just taking day by day
Sorry to hear about your situation. I can be really tough to see your parents in so much pain. I hope things get better for you both soon. Take care of yourself x
I just wanted to say you are not alone when you say “at times I’ve hated him” this disease is horrible. It effects affects every aspect of the family or anyone caring for someone who continues to drink. Being on the receiving end sucks. Glad you are able to express your feelings.
Reading your profile you have been and are still “going through the mill”. ☹️. And yes it does affect everyone in the family. Sometimes you just don’t realise quite how much - especially when you are the one who is ill and has HE, say.
Have you had your next MRI yet - was due this month - yes?
Hi yes I just had my 6 mon mri all stable no signs if liver cancer. My father died from cirrhosis due to alcohol and no matter what we did or say didnt stop him from drinking. He did stop for 10 years then started up after my mother died. I have cirrhosis due to fatty liver. Go back to my liver Doc on tuesday. I know when my father drank and was ill. I could nit understand why he wouldnt stop drinking. As a kid I would think Alcohol was more important to him than his family . It does cause so many problems for everyone involved
So good news on your MRI then - that’s something 👍. Such a shame you had to go through that with your father. I expect he didn’t really think about the adverse effect it was having on his family. “Blinded” by the alcohol ☹️👎🏻.
Morning bubbles, First and foremost how you doing sweetheart? The hardest part of seeing a loved one suffering is knowing they caused it and refused to give up, but its an addiction and no matter how we all try and understand why they wont just stop unless we ourselves have suffered with an addiction we can never understand it. Theres an old saying walk a mile in my shoes before judging.
What i would suggest now is try and focus on you,try and look and remember the good times you and your dad had. Your situtation isnt going to change now but thinking of those good times will help you get through the next few days. Your there for him and we are all here for you ok?
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