Hubby is getting worse.At my witts end. - British Liver Trust

British Liver Trust
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Hubby is getting worse.At my witts end.

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Well some of you know the story about my hubby. Hubby seems to be going down hill fast lately. Hes not the man i married 4 months ago. He has been very mean, wants to argue with everyone that loves him.

I went to see his drs on my own last week to ask what i should expect from this time on because of him changing, and the dr said that because he has decompensated liver it means that the liver isnt breaking down the poisons from the alcohol its sending it else where through the body, etc his legs which has caused them to swell, causing nerve damage and muscle waistage causing him pain. it will send it to the brain causing personality change , but what to expect health wise ,well we drs see it that when someone drinks heavy like your hubby we give it a 30 year limit till we know thats when all the organs start to shut down and your hubby is 31 years drinking heavy. So he said he will either have a massive heart attack or his organs will rapidly shut down. He showed me his protein levels from last sept to now and its gone from 36 (38 is healthy) to 22....Thats a massive drop in a year.

His liver count is 353 well it was back about a month ago, chances are its raised again since then..

Myself and hubby have been rowing all weekend and he is mean,does things he knows really hurts me and in the morning he cant remember it al just knows he wasnt nice to me..(no hes not aggressive as in hits me , thats one thing i wouldnt stand for, had it too much with my ex.)

Just need to know if anyone else has experinced this change in their loved ones or themselves near the end?or is it just something thats going to go on and get worse and worse.Just confused with it all..

Thanx for taking time to read..

30 Replies
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The alcohol itself will cause massive mood swings but with late stage liver disease the toxin build up which the doctor spoke about will cause a condition called Hepatic Encephalopathy which causes extreme personality changes. Your husband should be prescribe lactulose to ensure he is going to the toilet 3 - 4 times a day plus a tablet called Rifaximin, however, it might be hard to get these down him if he is still failing to acknowledge he has a problem.

You're doing a sterling effort but your husband really isn't helping himself, if might be that he can't due to his addiction and sadly medics can't really step in when his is still drinking. Its sadly a catch 22 situation.

Don't know what else you can do to help, other than what you've already tried.

Look after yourself in all this, sadly your husband is showing some serious end stage symptoms and it may only be a matter of time before his addiction to alcohol and the damage it's done to his liver claims his life.

Katie xx

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Hidden in reply to AyrshireK

Hi Katie he is going regulary to the bathroom in fact he said to me the other day,its mad how i am going to the bathroom so much when i dont eat. He is wiling to take meds , he is on water tablets, stomach tablets,

Yeah thats what i believe is happening and dreading it if i am honest, he is my world and i love him to bits, its just so sad to see him go down hill so fast.

You are right i cant do anymore than i have already, i have been in tears all day thinking what have i done to desreve this and i talked to a freind and she said the only thing you have done is love him, just keep loving him and keep telling yourself that he has an addiction and unfortunatley thats how it affects people.

He came back from his mums all loving , was like having the man i married, but kept falling asleep so now he has gone to bed,not sure how long he is going to be there for but it worries me that he will die while he is resting. I just dont want it to end with me and him argueing and me saying things i will regret.

Thankyou for replying back,

Lyn

AndrewT
AndrewT in reply to Hidden

I don't know you, I don't have an Alcohol 'Problem'....I have ANCA Vasculitis. I did however, many years ago now, have a Girlfriend who had, very suddenly, Lost her Father. The reason that I'm answering you here is because....My Girlfriend had had a, from what I can deduce, Enormous Family Row- subject not important- in which she had, in a fit of Rage said (something like) 'I wish you were dead', to her Father. The poor girl who, really had, Loved her Dad was TOTALLY 'Racked With Guilt', after his Death. No amount, by any of us, could persuade her that, this was, 'Just one of those things' or 'Was just said in anger' or 'I'm sure that her knew you loved him' or 'Heck he's probably Looking Down and Laughing' or anything.

Please DON'T 'Fall Out' with your, Very Sick, Hubby- he doesn't Mean it. Surely, that fact that, in the morning he doesn't even Remember, what he said.....I know that it IS very hard, when someone, that you Love with all your heart, is Spiteful- and Nasty- to you. I, absolutely Promise, that I'm NOT telling you what to do, or how to run your Life- it's just that I don't want HIS Disease to make you 'say something' you might regret. My poor Linda will be Forever, 'So, So, Sorry- to her Daddy.....

I hope that you understand, what I have been saying here, and are not Offended by my Bluntness. I, absolutely Know, that your Husband DOES Love you with ALL his heart too- it's a Cruel Disease responsible, something I know all about.

I WILL pray, for you both.

AndrewT

I totally agree with everything Katie says. She was a great comfort to me when my partner was really sick. I understand what you're going through but luckily my partner did stop drinking & was very fortunate indeed to have a transplant & now I have the man i love back.

Please take care of yourself as it's really important. you also need support from family & friends as no one can go through this alone.xx

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Hidden in reply to h0b0

Ty h0b0...I have a couple of freinds on here that i talk to and are a great support when im going through a hard time...

I am so sorry lyn66 to hear what you are going through , I went thought a similar thing but it was not liver related but secondary cancer to the brain that my dear beloved father had not that long ago . I took care of him for the entire illness which at first was a whole lung removed , but that was not enough sadly as the cells went to the lymph node . My dad also became aggressive to me , swearing . Refusing to eat , demanding he wanted alcohol and cigarettes boy did I find it a rollercoaster ride , but I remained calm and carried on . Unfortunately he passed away which we knew what was the inevitable . Your dear hubby does not know what he is saying to you or doing due to the toxins now going to the brain so don't take it to heart . I am not familiar much with end stage signs not as yet anyway . But it does sound like he is Not in a good way .. I hope he is not still drinking ? Not at this stage . I am sending you big ((( hugs )) you are not alone here X

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Ty millie for your reply.

Its not easy listening to loved ones who once wouldnt say anything horrible to being nasty and rude. it hurts so much to be treated like it, but like you said they dont even realise they are saying it, its hard not to see it as personal especially when he saying things that makes me feel so insecure. Its not he refuses food,its that he cant eat for being sick,

Im sorry to hear about your dad,hope your doing ok? Yeah he is stil drinking, he trys all ways to get drink, i spoke to his dr about it and he said that as like an alcoholic he will get drink regardless anyway he has too, just let him get on with it or it will drive you insane worrying, after all he may have an addiction but he is also a full grown man , he is not your responsiblity,

Thankyou millie and also everyone else who has taken the time to listen and reply , it means so much to have support..

Lyn.

Millie09
Millie09 in reply to Hidden

Your Very welcome . I just wanted you to know that even in different ill see it can be hard and upsetting to see our loved ones change so quickly No they don't know what they are saying or doing so we just have to keep that in mind . I'm shocked to hear he is still drinking ? It's such A shame he did not stop earlier but as a fellow alcoholic I can understand as it takes a lot to stay stooped . Thank you , yes I found it hard to loose my dad but he is no longer in pain . Life goes on so to speak . Well you can't make him stop drinking Hun , however hard you try . It's frustrating to watch I can imagine but please don't ever blame yourself your hubby made his choice . Sending my best wishes to you and if ever you need to offload i am here for you . Linda X

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Thankyou Chris.. Yeah i try my best to do what i think is best for him, my ex was an alcoholic but he never got sick like this, so even though i know what its like to be with an alcoholic this is all new to me and so its hard, i have read up on the HE you shared it with me before and i keep that in mind when he is like this and he has been bad before but not this bad, eg we went out for my daughters(his step daughter)bd with the rest of my children , my one son said man all those woman over there and not one of them is fit, hubby never comments about woman let alone look at them (when im there anyway)but he turned staring at them all, i said what are you doing? he said seeing if any of them are fit, thats way out of his character, im insecure as it is with the way i look without him saying and doing that.

Hes been in bed since 6 pm and its now 9 pm, he is ok as i keep checking on him.

Sounds aweful but i hope that i dont wake up to him seeing that he has died in his sleep, i know someone that happened to and he lost his mind and is now on all sorts of meds and cant live on his own anymore. If he doesnt quit and it does happen sounds bad but i hope that he goes in his sleep when i am out...

He refuses to go into the hospital, when we rowed last night i told him what his dr had told me last week (he didnt know i had been ) about his levels being low and he could have a massive heartattack or organs fail rapidly if he carried on drinking, he went out the kitchen brought in a glass of vodka and orange and said my dr has no clue what he is talking about.

Such a horrible addiction.

You dont sound like an old record chris, i really appricate your input always. No one ever knows what i am going though or hubbys addiction problems than someone whos been there.

Thankyou once again.

Oh meant to say he said that his dad said to sort it out because he walks like a 90 yr old. Loads have commented about how ill he looks,how old he looks , one guy who knows him said you want to sort yourself out mate i dont want to be going to your funneral, that upset him but he soon got back to drinking etc..

Yuiop
Yuiop in reply to Hidden

My hubby just had his transplant, and the doctors and some nurses thought I am his daughter, we are the same age! It's difficult what you are going through, and it's a very lonely place to be. I'm hoping I get my husband back now. It's hard loving someone who you can dislike. I hope things take a turn for the better, if he gets I'll enough he might not have the energy to drink anymore, and might see things in a different light.

So sorry to hear it is getting worse Lyn! I understand your fears as I had them with my own dad, being that he lived alone, thinking I'd just find him one day. so many times when he just wouldn't answer the phone or the door, not even to let people know he was alive. However in the end, as you know, he did pass away when he was already unconscious... as far as if your husband is exhibiting near the end symptoms, what I went by is what the doctors were saying, and the numbers, (in combination with my own research and what I was seeing before my own eyes). Also the doctors used words like "end stage liver disease", "this will only decline from here but we can not tell how fast he will decline" they could give estimates though, from the time they recommended hospice and said less than 6 months he lived 3 months. So they were accurate. I also believe that because he hadn't really been seen by a doctor or all those specialists before that estimated lifespan that if he would have been seen before that time they would have estimated less than 6 months too. What I'm trying to say is he was sick for a long time. And in denial. And didn't feel all the ESLD symptoms until he became sober. I'm so sorry you are going through this. It really is a lot worse than anyone could ever imagine until they have lived through it. To be honest my sisters and I always thought my dad would die in a drinking related accident (because he had so many), either driving related or found outside his house or fell in a bar, etc, etc. we never imagined it would be a slow agonizing decline over months of deteriorating. Just remember we are here for you!!!

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Hidden in reply to Lperica10

Awe ty i know you went through alot with your dad...sending you loads of hugs:X:X

Hi Lyn, so sorry to hear this; its must be very frightening for you; your partner seems to be in total denial/either that, and/ or/ he just doesn't want to stop anyway ; there is nothing you can do now really. He has made his decision. I think maybe some don't realise just how horrific this disease is; and as has been mentioned re 'slow agonizing decline' He could last for a long time but who knows. You could try talking to him again at a sober moment?? Maybe one last time and maybe there is a tiny bit of hope?? But you must start thinking about yourself, and somehow prepare for the worst. That's easier said than done! But you do have a future of your own to consider. Best wishes. xx

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Hidden in reply to susieanna

ty and you are right he is in denial, when asked how he is he wil say his symtoms and they say what the drs say? and he will always respond with they havent got a clue, and i always correct him.

As someone who is in recovery, just over 8 years now, mood swings are part of the process. As is denial.

He does not mean to hurt you...but alcohol is king. Period. That's just the way it is. It took me over a year to get balance back into my life. I also am a member of AA which saved my life. Doing step work allowed me to get better. You yourself might try Alanon. That is the companion program for loved ones of alcoholics. Not, it's not a cult, and not based on religion. Even atheists go.

I'm American and it's much more popular in the US than here. It's a shame because it has the highest success rate. Someone who quits on their own often stays resentful and angry, earning the term dry drunk.

Either way, I was sober over three years when I got sick. Hep C did not help matters for me.

You won't want to here this..but sobriety is not for those who need it..it's for those that want it.

I'm surprised you married him if he was that far in the bucket. But we are good at hiding things.

I'm sorry your hurting. But prepare for the worse. If he's still drinking none of this matters anyway. I am truly sorry. Alcohol kills everyday.

Thinking a good thought for you!

Kimberly

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Hidden in reply to dckimberly

Thankyou kimberly and well done on staying sober, yeah i have read on al but they are too far from me but i have been given another one closer to me..I married him because i wasnt going to let alcohol win over my marriage, i did think bout why am i marrying him but then i thought for a few reasons, one when i first met him he never told me he was an alcoholic , he had asked me for my number and i said ill proberly see you in the bar next when im out because we live in a small town and he said i dont go out much, because i dont drink much ,he wasnt sick when i met him either ,he was healthy, so didnt even think of alcoholism, when i realised he liked to drink it was too late then i had already fallen in love with him, he showed all the signs of someone who was going to be a loveing and caring husband, and when he proposed i was excited as all woman would be, He got worse when he was badly assulted in sept 2015 and he ended up in hospital with a bleed on the brain and we had already set a date by then.The bleed is completely healed now thnk god.

dckimberly
dckimberly in reply to Hidden

glad to hear about the bleed healing..and I hope you don't feel chastised by me..the truth is, is we don't get to choose who we love..we only get to love, if we are lucky.

I hope he gets sober as soon as possible. There is an app called 'Steps Away' that shows where all the closest meetings are for all 12 step programs. It works all over the world.

Not sure if that could be of help..also, there is a Al-anon help line..you could call them and explain the distance problem..Sometimes they can help you over the phone..Also, google online meetings. I attend one in NYC online. It's great! Technology as it's finest. At least you can meet other partners going through the same thing.

Remember you have to take care of you first.

cheering you on!

kimberly

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Hidden in reply to dckimberly

ty kimberly.:)

Hi, I know how you must feel. I get a little quick tempered now and again, I tend to say things which I would never say usually but can never stop myself. One of my lady friends says she just ignores me, but I am sure your other half loves you really behind his moods. Take care.

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Hidden in reply to Brummi

awe brummi ty for your comment, he loves me i know that, he isnt bad all the time, but when he is its really bad.....

Hi I feel for you your trying you best to cope with his anger n sounds like he's throwing it back in your face , having end stage liver decease n still drinking is so selfish to be honest , I know you say it's an addiction which it is but can't he see it willl kill him n no surgeon gonna operate and give him a transplant if he's still drinking .ive been through addiction myself but beat mine n was lucky to have a 2nd chance ,seems he doesn't want one , please don't beat yourself up your doing more than enough , being there n loving him says loads .where as walking would be easier good luck with the future

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Hidden in reply to retwos

Ty retwos.

He has no clue what he was like or has been what he is like, if i remind him you can tell he hasnt got a clue what i am talking about and has actually accused me of lieing and making it all up.

Like his dr explained all alcoholics are in denial, they never think its the booze thats the problem its always something else,He cant see it is killing him, it doesnt help that when he goes to the drs they say your liver count is this very high, your protein is this very low, and then add the words but i have seen worse, i told his one dr that i wish they wouldnt add the but because he says see its not that bad. He agrees but its not easy to get an appointment with him because he tells it straight.

Its hard to understand because i cant understand it either , how can a person not see they are killing themselves but unfortunatly they dont, his cousin was 49 and was an alcoholic and died of malutrition due to not eating because he thought his throat cancer had come back, his other cousin 52 died on a stool in his local pub he was an alcoholic, his best freind who he spent hours playing poker with was an alcoholic and never ate he died at the age of 47, None of them thought for one min it was the alcohol that was killing them, his best freind that died went into rehab 7 times and each time came out to buy a bottle of wine, even when he couldnt walk and was very ill he would still drink right up untill he ended up in hospital and died 3 weeks later,My freind is a nurse in the local hospital and she has told me of many a story of men/ woman who have gone in and they are alcoholics and they would scream get me a drink, get me a drink, she said we arent getting you a drink to one patient who couldnt even get out of bed he was so ill ,she said its alcohol that got you in here in the first place, he said no it wasnt its my bitch of a wife had me brought in for other reasons. This guy was one of the most loveliest,careing husband anyone could ask for but he started getting nasty with her when he couldnt get a drink.He died a week later. Even after hearing those stories i still dont understand it.

You are right walking away would be so much easier than staying but when i made my vows in sickness and in health i meant it. When his freind died so many people went up to her and blamed her for him drinking as much because she left him on many occations hoping he would stop drinking but it didnt make a difference, they said she was only back with him for his money, for his house (even though it was both theirs and she earned the money) people can be so cruel. No one could ever say that about me.

retwos
retwos in reply to Hidden

Wow you,be blown me away I feel for you so much , what a rock you are n there not many I can tell you that .your life is dedicated to so much struggle but love is so hard to give up , I was along time ago a heroine addict for over 15 years but I new it wasn't me n through hard work n hope I overcame my addiction .dont get me wrong I fell a few times .but got up every time through whatever I could grab hold of .i met my partner 16 years ago n what a diamond she is n do I listen , I was very poorly with end stage liver decease .then liver failure but somehow got through ,just believe in yourself your doing everything you can , you've got a massive heart I'm saddened to hear of all the damage drinking has done to people your fella knows , I've forgot how many of my associates I've lost over the years , just keep being you n use this site and talk to your friends who understand the situation,please don't keep it to yourself .n keep smiling even when you want to cry .all I can do is give you strength n hope ,all the luck in the world .x

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Hidden

Awe ty so much, im just being me :)... I am so glad you have managed to get off that stuff its horrible, and for you to come from liver damage to being healthy is good too hear. :0..Yeah i find this site amazing, so many encourging stories,encouraging words and most of all the love and care shown in here..i love this site and will continue to come in and be helped and help as much as i can...Your a gem,

Take care .

Lyn..

I am so sorry ! I know what it's like to have the person you love the most, treat you cruelly . And then not remember . Good luck to you !! I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this!

My Paul went through liver disease alcohol related. He wasn't nasty and arguing but he had huge amount of fluid. Paul passed away in May of thi s year. It is hard as they do go through a personality change its not him it's the disease that's what you need to remember. Remember the man you married he is going through hell trust me and so r u. I. Here if you need to talk but remember the good times and just kiss him all the time. He loves you regardless and Yr love will stay strong. Thinking of you xx

I just lost my hubby it's heartbreaking sweetie I was hoping he get through this pain but didn't my heart goes out to u what a cruel disease I hope with all my heart he comes through big hugs xxxx

Hi this happens to all those addicted to alcohol it happened to me I used abusive language to my parents my wife my brother is in the same condition fortunately my liver enzymes are normal and liver shows minor scarring only I suggest disrupt his drinking routine make him exercise give him foods good for liver resume doing things you used to enjoy cinema plays operas don’t be judgemental I am doing the same and it’s doing wonders for me remember alcohol is a drug chin up both of you will come out of this dark tunnel

Hi

I’m so sorry you are going through this, I’m going through the same thing with my husband.

He has stopped drinking now for a few months but his health is very bad. His due another ascites drain as his belly and legs are very swollen again after having only had a drain a month ago! He has severe muscle wastage and he too is a totally different person to the man I married, he can be mean and nasty to me which is hard for the kids to understand, he accuses me of making things up because he gets forgetful! I’m struggling to see where we are going with this and so far the doctors have all been so vague. Try to keep your chin up and hope things get better for you soon xx

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