A fifteen-year old boy walked into a pharmacy. "How much is it for one condom?" he asked the pharmacist. "Sorry, son, but they only come in packs of three and they're $3.50," said the pharmacist. "Darn," said the disappointed boy, "I don't have enough money. And today I was planning on getting lucky with my new girlfriend." "Well," said the pharmacist, "in that case you can take a box for free." "Gee, thanks!!!" yelled the boy as he dashed out the door holding the box of condoms.
That night, he was at his girlfriends' house, and everyone was seated at the dinner table, ready to eat. They all said grace with bowed heads, and then they began eating. As dinner progressed, the girl noticed that the boy's head was still bowed. "I didn't know you were so religious," she whispered to her young boyfriend, impressed.
"I didn't know your dad was a pharmacist," was his reply
😂
Written by
Brett11
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I went to visit my mate the mango farmer, i got there and he was dancing naked in the machinery shed, i said what the hell are you doing? He said him and the misso has been having a few problems and the marriage counsellor said to do something sexy to a tractor.
An 'innocent' Joke, for you.....A man is found Sprawled, over three Cinema seats. An usherette approaches the man "Excuse me Sir....Sir, Excuse me" she calls. Receiving no reply she gats the Manager "Excuse me Sir!......Sir, you are NOT allowed to rest here, SIR!!" However the Manager also receives no reply. "Sir, if you don't move, I WILL call the Police". The Manager, does indeed, call the Police and before long, an Officer is on the scene. "Excuse me Sir, I'm a Police Officer, can you tell me your name" "Dave" the man finally replies. "and where are you from Dave?" inquires the Officer. Dave groans, before replying "The Balcony!"
A Gorilla gets into the bath "O-O-O-O-O-H, A-A-A-A-A-H, WAAAA, HO, HO, HO, AH, AH, AH, WAAAA-HHHHAAAA-OOOOO....." Well put some COLD in then" says his wife.
A silly one for you...….. A white horse goes into a pub and asks for a pint of lager. The barman says " Hey! we've got a whisky named after you" The horse replied " What......Eric?"
Dear alfredthegreat, (actually you, never did, burn the cakes....historical fact)
A Ghost goes into a bar. The Barman says "Sorry we're Not allowed to serve SPIRITS, in here!". Two Elephants fell off a Cliff...Boom, Boom! Two Candles are talking (Eh?), one turns to the other, and says "I'm Going Out later". A very silly one, and maybe a 'Tad' inappropriate...but only a Tad...A plastic Bag, goes to The Doctor not feeling well. "The Doctor examines him, before saying "I'm afraid that you have AIDS" "AIDS?" replies the bag "how could I possibly catch AIDS?". To which, the Doctor replies "Your mother must have been 'A CARRIER'!"
Other 'Historical' inaccuracies....Bogart never actually said "Play it again Sam". Kirk never said "Beam me up Scotty". There are others but I can't remember then now, so I'll close now 'Alfred'.
Hey! Andrew. I knew that I wasn't responsible for those charred cakes, lol. Also knew about Humpty Go-cart But beam me up Scotty is a new one on me. ….. It's 1 a.m. and a dog has been run over and his tail chopped off. His ghost wanders into a pub. Barman says "Sorry sir, we don't retail spirits after midnight".
OUCH! That's Painful, but Funny...Nine, out of Ten.
A Rabbit goes into a bar "A pint of beer and, a bag, of Chicken Toasties please". the Barman, who is completely un phased by a Talking Rabbit, Gives the Rabbit his order. The following Day, The Rabbit returns, with the same order....and so on until the end of the week. On the Saturday the barman, replies to his request, "I'm sorry but I don't have any Chicken Toasties left" "Never Mind" says the, clearly dis-appointed Rabbit "I'll have some Ham Toasties instead". Thereafter No-one sees The Rabbit, for months. Finally The Rabbit re-appears, floating on a cloud and playing a harp. "What happened to you?" enquired the Landlord. "I'm Dead, aren't I" replied the Rabbit. Somewhat confused the Landlord asked "What on Earth did you die of?" To which the rabbit replied......Are you ready for this......Are you Sure......Positive? Ok then "Would you believe 'Mixing My Toasties'!!".
"My dog can run a Fifty Miles an Hour, lick that" "My dog can run at Sixty Miles an Hour, lick that" "My dog can run at almost Seventy Miles an Hour, lick that" "Well my dog has a Dirty A**e...….!"
Anyway enough, for now, Alfred. (Just 'Check' those Cakes, will you, Just In Case.)
AndrewT
These jokes are all great really brought a smile. Excellent! Jaycee
A 'Horrible' but Very Funny Joke.....A lady calls the Barman over "is the Landlord around?" she asks. "No I'm afraid that he's out tonight....Can I help, at all?" "Yes maybe you can give him a Message, for me" she says as she seductively strokes the man's beard. Before long she is 'fingering' him, all over his face, half putting a finger in his mouth. "Can you tell him...." she continues, now rubbing her fingers through the Barman's curly Locks "that there is NO 'Paper', in the Women's Toilet!"
I Told you it was 'Horrible', didn't I? Maybe six, out of ten....Maybe?
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Pain relief when you have cirrhosis?
Does anyone on here have PBC AIH overlap? And when you have the AIH are you always jaundiced?
Consultant: “no offence but I don’t want to see you for at least a year”!
This is what I just did thanks to you lot!
