He had the bloods done wednesday 2nd Nov. Apparently they take a week so hopfully they will have the results then, not sure i want to know if they are bad and hubby seems to think he has nothing to worry about.
Hes had good and bad days, Since fri his sleep pattern is different again,Fri hubby was up at 9 in the morning ,was awake until 6pm then he started falling asleep,8 pm he decided to go to bed because he felt so tired, im sure he was asleep before his head hit the pillow.He then slept till 10pm and was up until 4 am sat morning.
Sat i woke him up at 2,30 pm(because we always put small bets on the footy)he felt so ill he stayed in bed till 7pm sleeping most of it, He was awake then till 2 am ish sunday , we went to bed and hubby was wide awake again at 6 am, he got up at 8 am ,, stayed awake all day until sunday 11,20 pm where he couldnt stay awake any longer. Its now 7 pm monday and hubby is still sleeping, although he has been stirring the past two hours..
Sunday he ate a small amount of sunday roast, and in the evening he ate a cheese toasty. The most he has eaten in one day (its usually one small thing in one day)..
I just dont get it, how can he be ill for days and not be able to eat and if he does he is sick, to feelin okish and eating and keeping it down,?any ideas?
I met with a friend today and i said im sure he has an iron liver here it regenerates itself even though he is still drinking. (Not as much as he used to because he cant face drinking as much, ) Hes gone from almost a ltr of vodka to just over half a ltr a day and one or two beers if we went out.
Things arent rosey and its damn hard being with someone who refuses to give up drink and is ill most of the time because a lot of things hubby says and does makes me feel so worthless and rejected most of the time and i spend alot of time on my own,but i guess life isnt meant to be a bed of roses.
Oh Lyn I do feel for you and wish with all my heart that there was a simple answer to all this, sadly this disease is so complex, hence they call it Cunning, Baffling and Powerful.
You know sometimes alcohol gives you up before you give it up. I've heard so many people share that they just couldn't take it anymore. Another very common thing I've heard so many times from chronic alcoholics was how much their tolerance changed towards the end of their drinking, some days they could only manage a fraction of their normal intake.
It's a known fact that alcohol suppresses the appetite, so maybe if he isn't drinking as much that's why he has managed to eat a little more. I can only tell you from my own experience that I barely ate, I felt so sick all of the time I couldn't face food. I was skin and bone when I stopped drinking yet within days I remember feeling so hungry all of the time and the horrible nausea had gone. It was the most wonderful feeling, I was planning dinner before I'd even had lunch.
It's so hard for those who love you just watching you self-destruct yet no amount of love or anger from those around you can make you stop, it has to come from within.
My husband never gave up on me, I'm sure he came close a few times, but he didn't and I am still grateful to him for that. But I do remember him telling me how lonely he felt, that conversation came quite a few months into sobriety, initially he never spoke about the effect it had on him, he was just so grateful to have the old me back.
Thinking of you and sending lots of love and hugs your way.
Jacqui xxxx
in reply to
Hi Jacqui
Thankyou so so much for your kind and encouraging words, they mean alot to me.
I know hubby is never going to give up drink and i have prepared myself for that.
And i agree makes sense that when he dont drink as much as usual he eats more.
He finally got up at 6,30 pm yesterday, feeling and looking rough, i suggested going to bed at 3 ,30 this morning because i couldnt stay awake any longer and he refused so as usual i went to bed alone , i woke up at 6 am to him watching tv, i got up for an hour and went back to bed hanging, he got up from the sofa at 7,30 am and fell over he was so drunk,he had drank almost a lrt of vodka all day which was 40% instead of the usual 37%. he kept trying to talk to me in the end i screamed at him to go to sleep, i eventually went back to sleep and woke up at 10 to the post man knocking the door. Hubby woke up and he is laying in bed doing my head in talking about himself, about how he didnt eat at all yesterday, how he doesnt feel too bad today,come and lay on the bed and talk to me,im going to get up and i dont know where my clothes are, blah blah blah, its always all about him, so so selfish ,he never used to be like this.
What my head is saying is pack your bags and leave and never look back, but my heart is saying stay, so i guess ill be the sucker and follow my heart.I love him to bits but hate what he has become.
I know he intends staying up all night because of the damn election so i guess its another night going to bed lone....
I'm no expert, but there might be some benefit to both of you if you leave him to it. I mean he sounds too sick to cope without you. He might have to sober up just to go day to day if you left? Is he currently getting his own booze?
Yes, I think I would have a serious chat with him. Tell him no bullshit, if he doesn't stop drinking he will die. It's his choice but you don't have to be there with him. Tough I know but it could actually save his life. He can't seriously still be in denial when his daily "routine" is as you describe.
I have sat him down on many occations and told him he will die if he carried on, how do you know he would say, i would say because its obvious and besides your own dr has told me when i have been to see your dr on my own and his answer is my dr has no clue what he is talking about, and i say well peter (his mate who died of alcohol illness) thought that too and look where he is 6 feet under, he replies with peter drank more than i do,,He is denial, his own freind told him that he has to lay off the vodka or its going to kill you, he told him to f off and said the dr said my liver is fine, i said its not fine i know i heared the dr say and we ended up rowing over it.
He should be very sick the amount he drinks and not eat and i have no idea how he is still going, but he still is, he is saying and asking me about all those things not because he cant get them or do it himself but because i have been doing and getting everything for him ,eg get his clothes, , so i have stepped back and started making him get and do things himself, he even got to the stage one time when he would pick up his glass and give it to me and grunt, not because he couldnt speak but because he was rude and it was then that i decided im not helping him unless he is too sick to do it then obviously i would help, I have no where to go if i left him, and no i cant stay with my kids,besides leaving my home is not what i do.Yes he does get his own booze and if he is too sick to get it as i have said before his mates will get it.I can usually tolerate the way he is but when im ony getting so much sleep i cant focus as normal.
in reply to
Bless you Lyn, I feel for you, I really do.
Sadly, yet another alcoholic trait is "self" .....self pity, self centred, just selfish all round, no concept of what others around them are going through or the pain they are causing as a result of their actions.
I'm so sorry that he can't see what effect this is having on you. I have to admit I did used to have moments of clarity where I hated myself for what I was doing, my "self" was self-loathing, I suppose that was what forced me in the end to stop.
It's ok to feel angry and to dislike what hubby has become, you're only human. In this life you can love someone whilst disliking them at the same time....two different emotions.
I will be honest with you, and I've said this many times to my husband, if the tables were turned I don't know if I could've stuck it. I know I was a nightmare and I honestly can't say whether I could've endured it. However, from time to time I desperately wanted to stop and I suppose that gave him hope. Had I carried on...who knows? He was becoming less tolerant and in a way that was my wake up call.
It's a tough one and a never ending nightmare for you.
Sending you a massive hugs and always here for you.
Lyn, we're not sick of hearing about hubby, its good to let others know. Sounds as though your having a rough time. Remember, we only hurt the ones we love, hubby just being human. At least he is there, I spend all my time on my own now because my hubby is not here. Keep strong girl x
Wow that sounds hard. You are so loving. I am sorry he is not. I was an alcoholic. I quit to treat hep c and never started back, my treatment was one year of chemical injections and it did not work. Treated 14 years later and the virus is dead, got a liver of cirrhosis though, got liver cancer, now its moved into my lungs but I got up today and cycled 10 hard miles out here in the country. I had just had to spend a week in bed doing nothing but thinking how I am now being pieced together with cancer treatments in hopes of living to get a transplant. How does my liver do that! I turn 65 soon. The liver just keeps regenerating energy for me too. I am serious, its unreal what I am like sober and resting when it shuts down, depression, restless, wobbly, angry but it is a fact that it might suddenly quit on me. Sounds like your husband is just as ill. Just watch, do not be fooled what the liver can do, its not your husband pulling himself back up, its his liver. Mine is quite powerful but that does not mean I am not dying. He could be up in the night because mentally this is all eating him alive and he won't admit it because then he would quit drinking. Its shocking the quanity he can drink but I could drink amazing amounts in my early 50's and I was so ill my urine was rusty. It was a nightmare and it is for him too. Never forget the sacrifice you are making for your and his children. I most likely would not do it but this is your life, its about who you are my dear, clearly a strong compassionate woman who puts her needs last. Look after yourself. Do not let all of the fun of life pass you by. You are so lucky, you are well. I would love to be well again. It makes me cry to admit it.
I've just returned home to get my youngest off to school, I slept over as she's been really anxious the last few days and last night I had to give her first bedtime injection for the bone marrow...something else she'd been getting in a tizz about. Her doctor visited yesterday to check her over and was very pleased with how she is doing physically, mentally she's just been very anxious but, again, her doctor said these are all normal feelings. But I'm calling in and spending time with her through the day and she asked would I mind staying over last night so I did. And when she's got company, a distraction, she's much better.
Thank you for thinking of us, my thoughts are with you also.
Thank you for letting me know how your mom is, sounds ok thus far, I think much of it must be your devotion and love. It would make so happy to hear she gets some joy back into her life and lots of hope. We all long for that when life strikes us down. As for myself, they called off my mapping for Y 90. It must be due to them finding the lung nodules, most likely thats liver cancer not lung cancer. Liver cancer can manifest in another organ. I am waiting to hear what they want to do next but honestly I hope they say thats it, nothing we can do. Its clear my liver is 25 to 50% of the time functioning. But yes it can still fail, it is trying to fail on a regular basis now. I am happy to be enjoying this week, swimming and cycling. Love to you and you blessed little mom.
Bless you for your kind and thoughtful words, I know I'm feeling emotional anyway, but you bring tears to my eyes with your own news. You are one of the bravest ladies I've had the pleasure of meeting and I wish with all my heart that you had received better news. Regardless of your results you still show gratitude for each and every day that you live and I sincerely hope that you enjoy many more days doing what you love, swimming and cycling.
My mum has done well up until today, apart from anxiety, but isn't feeling so well tonight, injection number 2 done, she's feeling very sick and tired. Her next round of chemo is this Friday, I'm not looking forward to that as I know that's when the side effects will really start. But, as you say, so far she's done ok.
Sorry to hear about your mum,,Hope that the next one isnt going to have as much affect on your mum meaning sickness n that, give her hugs off us all...
Its got to be so hard seeing your mum go through this and not be able to help in some ways but you are there for her in every way possible and that i imagine is helping your mum loads.
Awe catfish, you are one amazing lady, its got to be so hard for you and you sound exuasted , please dont give up hope, while you have an ounce of breath in you there is hope. your liver hasnt taken you yet which i am so glad of, would miss you....sending you loads of hugssssss..
Very sweet and meaningful. I am one gal that always finds hope. I almost died once alone 2014 during a huge long bleed out. I got thru it alone. I am not the least bit interested in losing hope. But I am realistic about my health. Thank you though for sincerely caring about me.
Lyn- not sick of hearing of this! Ever! That is what everyone is here for. I do want you to think about doing something for yourself though even if it is something little or just a small break. I would tell you to think about leaving but I know that's not what your heart is saying AND people told me to think about leaving my dad and I never could or did. Keep us posted and do something for yourself.
Awe ty :)...an you are right my heart is telling me to stay, ii have to keep telling myself its not hubby its the damn booze, and so i need to be more paitent with him as i know he is suffering as well..
Good to hear about your mums progress,,,,hugs for you both.:X
just when i thought his drs couldnt get any worse , hubby rang the drs yesterday after noon, now he had it on loud speaker so i could hear everything they said and the receptionist said something to him and he didnt hear her, she said well do you drink alot ? he said um , she said do you drink alot? he said yeah maybe why? (bear in mind this is the receptionist not the dr he is talking to). She said well there is note on your records concerning the blood tests ,it says that the blood results have come back typical to those that a person drinks alot and there is no future action to be taken,, im actually shocked on the reply, i mean i know maybe they see it that hubby isnt going to give it up so there is no point in doing any thing furture, but who knows there could be something that they say that could trigger him to want to stop, i suggested he make n appointment and find out what the exact results were, he said nope it cant be that bad or they would have me down there or do other tests. These are the same drs that i found out last weekend from someone i hadnt seen for years that its her dads doctors as well and he had a bad chest and a lot of pain in the upper part of his body, he said to the dr send me up for a cancer test because i think i have cancer, they brushed it off and said its because of the cold weather and was treating him for phemonia , his daughter called around one day and he couldnt breath properly so they rushed him in to find out not only was he riddled with cancer but that he had had it a while, its disgusting.
Aw Hidden if you drink Dr's dont offer as much support - it's Self inflicted. Before my hubby was hospitalised we went out to celebrate Chinese new year. He drank j20. At his inquest I told the urologist that and she looked at me surprised. I told her he could pick up and put down drink at will and wasn't addicted and that he didn't drink the amounts they calculated and she just said well it doesn't take much in some people. The whole Time he was in hospital they kept telling him not to drink again and he would say yes I know OK.
If they focused on telling people how I'll they are and how they will die (I mean the actual effects) I think it may get more attention.
You could Book an appointment for him, tell him the doc wants to see him and have an honest conversation with the doc in front of him. He may be cross about it but it just may help.
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Hoping some one can help. I don't know we're to turn. 😔
Update on hubby 13/7/2021
Hubby is getting worse.At my witts end.
