what should i do

Hi , im not usually one to write in websites for support but i have no one to talk to so i decided to go ahead and write here. I am 23 have 2 year old , with a stable job , renting a home with my parther who is also the father of my son . I found out i am pregnant 3 days ago and after having 2 miscareges i was exited . until my parthner started telling me how we wont cope having a baby and asking me to have an abortion .now i know he cant force me but i feel that if i have the baby it will be so sad watching it grow up not wanted by his dad . also i have to raise it on my own and i do t think i can do that . he never wanted to have more than one child and he really doesnt understand what i am going through . On one side i feel that I have to have an abortion , on the other i cant do it and it breaks my heart .. either way i dont see future with him anymore even for the sake of our son .. i think my son will like it , he loves playing with other kids and he is very gentle but i will have to give up on my time with him and i dont know what to do .. i am very confused but have no time to decide ..

13 Replies

  • It's easy to say you have to follow your heart, but it is true. This man, in my opinion, is not worth bothering with and certainly not the sort of role model I would want for my son. Sorry if that offends, but it had to be said. If you want this baby, then go ahead. You will find the strength to cope and there is help out there, emotional and practical. I suggest you contact the bpas directly as they can give you more help and advice. In the meantime we are all here for you x

  • thank you ... you are right .. i tried for too long to make it work with hin but he pulls me down in every aspect of my life and makes it harder ...

  • It's not an easy decision, but the choice is simple, what is more important him or your children? I think you know in your heart, you just needed someone to say it for you. Hope it works out for you, I think you'll feel better about everything once you've made that decision. How far along are you? xx

  • I am about 6 weeks now . It is very hard for me as i know in a way he is right and we cant cope with another baby , but im my heart i cant let it go . its so difficult to make the right choice .

  • You can cope and you will. Xx

  • It will be much harder coping with knowing you aborted your baby. Every tome you look at your toddler it will remind you that they would of had a little sister or brother.

    Sorry if this comes across as blunt, but im sure you know its true hun xx

  • Christen, it breaks my heart that you find yourself in this situation. The others have said it - you have to do what's best for your baby. It's easy for him to be overwhelmed and say you need an abortion. But you know in your heart the right thing to do. Does he even know what an abortion involves? Go ahead and keep being excited about your baby. As you've already had one baby, you know that it can sometimes be super hard, and not an easy road. But, even if he's not there to support you, there is always someone who is. Don't feel alone or give up hope. I'm here for you if you need anything, and I'm sure there are people in your community who would love to help you out in anyway you need. Sometimes we aren't aware of just how many lovely people there are in the world. Let me know if you need help reaching out to someone. And also, ask him to educate himself about what happens in an abortion. There is a website abortionprocedures.com that explains it. I don't suggest you watch it because it will break your heart. Remember all the people who came up to you and told you what a lovely baby you had the first time around. Men just freak out sometimes. I can't stress this enough. You are not alone. I love that the internet can connect us these days to support each other in the tough times in life. I don't know you, but you are so loved. xx

  • Couldn't have put it better. I'm here too if you need me xx

  • thank you for the support and kind words .. . x

  • Hi there

    I'm sorry to hear you are in such a difficult situation. As hard as it is only you can decide what happens from here. It might help to make a GP appointment to talk through your options with someone neutral? Then you have correct information to help you to decide. If you are early in the pregnancy you have got time to make the right decision for you and your family. Good luck.

    Best wishes


  • I went to see the Gp yesturday . She was supportive either ways and said she will go ahead and do what i like . She offered extra help but i am not a one to talk about my live with people i dont know and messaging you girls is scary enough , so i refused . But i asked to see the family planing clinik and they will give me nore information about abortion and i will make my dessision . I love to have a baby but it will be so hard at home and my head and my heart at the moment are in different places . I am for abortion when the woman decides its the best choice , but now when i have to make the dessision for myself its proving very hard . On one side i am finishing my 4th year at college and going to uni in september and i worked very hard for it to happen but on the other i believe that we all have souls my baaby has one already and the guilt i will feel is increadable . we have been using contraceprion and i have a small chance of having babies as have cyst on my ovaries so it is a big shok for me and i believe this is why i am so confused of what go do ... x thabk you gilrs for your support

  • Hi there

    I think that sounds like a good idea to talk it through with someone at the family planning clinic. It sounds like you have lots of different thoughts , which is totally normal, so it will be good to be able to discuss those with another neutral healthcare professional. I know it can be scary talking to people but you are doing so well.

    Best wishes


  • Please please do not do somethig you will regret!!

    Please dont let your partner pressure you into abortion.

    Its your body, your baby. You will manage, trust me.

    Im not saying it will be easy causw it wont. Im a mother to a two year old and a 8 week baby.

    But my kids are my world. They are so worth the hard work and sleepless nights.

    Remember how you felt when you first held your toddler in your arms.... in 7-8 months time you will be experiencing this amazing wonderful feeling again!

    i cannot get my head around why a father would even think about an abortion of his next child never mind actually tell you to have one!

    Id send my partner packing if he ever said that to me.

    Hugs hun. Stay strong. And good luck xxx

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