What's Been Going On In My World

[DancingEyes63]

Hi everyone. I hope everyone has had a good week? I'm afraid it's been a few months since I could say that. As I mentioned before, I've had some health issues going on for several months. The Doctor says probably at least since last April but I just didn't realize it. When my two oldest grandkids were small I baby sat them most of the time. Sometimes they even lived with us for long periods. They are 16 and 12 now and I stopped babysitting them because they moved out of town about 8 years ago. I also have 5 year old and two year old granddaughters. Thanksgiving of 2023, a year after I lost Jimmy they moved to a small community about 25 miles from me. My daughter wanted to go back to work, the older girl had started Pre-K 3 in August so she just needed someone to watch the baby. It was SUPPOSED to just be the baby, just part time and at MY house so I figured I could handle it. I enjoyed taking care of my youngest grandchild but a few months later things changed. She quit that job and got another one that was longer hours and a longer drive, and often overtime. All of the sudden I needed to go to their house so I could watch the baby, get the other one off the bus, take all four of them to Dr, sports, etc plus help keep the laundry washed, dishes washed and help the oldest make supper. Sometimes I was gone from my house for 12-14 hours. Usually 9-10 everyday. Her husband was a long haul truck driver so he wasn't there to help but he did start paying me more than just to cover gas, etc which is all I had asked for. Long story short, I was running myself ragged and started being sick a lot and never feeling well. I've had pneumonia three times since last April. And she has no back up so when I was sick the 16 year old homeschooler had to take care of the baby and get the other one off the bus. Then I found a lump on my breast. So while I was waiting to get into the doctor I told her that I really thought I was too old now and it was too much especially since it took an hour just to get there and back every day. She promised she'd find someone and promised to make it "easier" on me until then. I think I'm not the only one who hadn't faced the reality that I'm getting older plus Jimmy's illness, death, and still grieving have taken a toll. So while she was "looking" I ended up sick with pneumonia for the second and third time and her solution to make it easier was basically for us to meet on Monday and Kamdyn just spend the rest of or at least most of the week with ME at my house. 24/7 😂. So I finally got in to see the Dr the first of February and after tests I found out the lump was a benign sebaceous cyst so that was great news. The bad news was that my blood pressure was all over the place. Really high, like stroke level high. It was high all three times at the ER but he figured the ER doctor just assumed it was because I was sick. So he started me on one medication and told me NO babysitting, no stress, nothing to make it go up until we got it controlled. So she did have to find someone else. But I've spent the whole month basically stuck in the house, laying around, taking my blood pressure multiple times a day and texting back and forth with the nurse. They have had to add an additional blood pressure medicine and then increase it because it still wasn't working. So I'm on 3 different kinds of drugs to control my blood pressure and it still wasn't doing it. It would be good and then go right back sky high. TODAY is the first day that it has been consistent and numbers that we can live with especially compared to what it's been. I go back to the Dr next week and I'm so hoping it stays controlled. Today I actually did some things around the house and it stayed the same. ❤️ Oh and even if it does stay controlled, no more babysitting. I'm happy to have them for visit or take them to the park, fishing, etc but I can't do it everyday. It's also not fair to me because I basically had no life for the last year. While I live those four babies more than anyone else on Earth, I enjoy working in the garden, visiting with friends, working on redecorating the house, etc. I want to go play Bingo at the Senior Center 😂 since I'm now old enough to go. Please I would love prayers and good vibes about my blood pressure and also about some breathing function tests I have in a couple of weeks. Sharon ❤️

[Dachshund45 Patient]

Sorry to hear about all that you are going through. I know that you have probably heard this a hundred times, but take care of yourself first! You are most important!❤️

[DancingEyes63 Moderator Caregiver in reply to Dachshund45]

Thank you. I need the reminder believe me. I've always been the one everybody depends on and the one that got everything done. I also have a problem saying "NO" especially when I know they need help or whatever they're asking me to do or provide. Jimmy was always the one who'd put his foot down and not let anyone take advantage of my heart. Even family members including the kids. When they got mad he'd tell them he wasn't their father but he was the one who had to hold me and put the pieces back together everytime they broke my heart. I do have my best friend Dawn to help remind me it's ok to actually put myself first. ❤️ My blood pressure was not crazy so far this morning so hopefully this combination of meds will work. Have a Blessed day ❤️Sharon ❤️

[Dachshund45 Patient in reply to DancingEyes63]

Good for you. You understand the situation. I hope your immediate family understand your needs. Have a great day.👍❤️

[Foxy1977 Moderator Patient]

Wow! That was definitely too much on your plate! I'm sorry to hear that it took having crazy blood pressures to make this important change. Our bodies always tell us! I look forward to when you post about the improvements because I know they are coming! Sending lots of healing energy your way 💜 kara

[DancingEyes63 Moderator Caregiver in reply to Foxy1977]

Thank you Kara. Yes I know I was just ignoring how I was feeling and I knew better when she'd promise to do better. After all I helped create the monster. HaHa. She's not my biological daughter but it's never made a difference. I came into her life when she was about 6. For most of her life I was the only stability she had and the one person she could always depend on and that loved her unconditionally. The unconditional love didn't mean that I hadn't had to do the to love at times. She has Borderline Personality Disorder and she has had multiple drug problems over the years. I guess I could say no then because it was ultimately for HER and saying no this time is for ME so it was harder. Like I said I basically raised the two older boys she they were younger because she knew she wasn't in a good place. I was younger then and I had my daughter Manda part of the time to help and Jimmy helped also. I honestly don't think she understood I couldn't do it anymore because I'm supposed to be invincible. I think it scares her to realize I'm not. Thank you so much for the support. I do appreciate it.❤️Sharon ❤️

[Curly_Girl Caregiver]

I'm so glad you've finally been able to rest, and that your numbers are trending better. I honestly could never do what you did with the little ones; just a few hours with my twin grandchildren when they were between the ages of 1-4 would leave me absolutely exhausted and shattered! God bless you, girl. I'll keep praying that those numbers stay stable - love you!!

Hugs,

Wendy

[AndreaWilson_Founder Partner Editor Caregiver]

I'm sending you prayers, my beautiful friend. Please take care of yourself first. I feel we women, especially, ignore our health needs and help others before helping ourselves.

💙Andrea