Hi everyone, first time joining any groups to talk about this stuff, I find it a challenge being of a "just snap out of it" generation.In February I had spine surgery which went well and got me exercising again. Come April, I overdid it a bit and had a cardiac event.
Short story, I had a stent fitted and was sent on my merry way. There was very mixed messages about how long I should be off work for from NHS sources, that of course seems to be primarily relating to physical condition.
My employer hasn't got a clue how to deal with someone who has had a coronary event so I've been winging it there but no clarity on any boundaries there.
I took the initial shock and operation in good humour and put on a brave face. Probably didn't do myself any favours in terms of work expectation there as I probably trivialised it inadvertently.
So 6 months on, I've done the 8 week cardio rehab course, I've mostly adjusted to the meds and I'm back at work (office based managenent role) full time though I'm usually exhausted by end of the day.
Right now I am having a fair number of blips with my mental health and I'm not sure what is reasonable given circumstances and in I'm just feeling sorry for myself and need to snap out of it.
I'm not coping so well with anything that is unexpected, higher pressure, not going to plan or I am hesitant about. This manifests as me becoming unpredictable in response and "not being myself" as my wife calls it. If she calls me out on this, it can be rectified but if I do this at work (only a couple of times) it is not well received.
My GP has suggested anxiety issues, we both agreed not to medicate for it at this time but maybe CBT might help. I'm having lots of blood tests as well to look for anything else.
So I guess I'm looking for any input from others who have been through a cardiac event, recognise any of this and have any useful guidance to help me get back to being me properly.
Thanks in advance and sorry for the long winded post.
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Neph71
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You've been through a lot with both spine and heart but heart has the most profound impact on us. Heart means life and nothing is done in hospitals to help with the massive shock it gives us. You are just thrown out as if "We fixed your plumbing now go away". My heart attack was totally out of the blue. No one ever mentioned the possibility despite a massive family problem. ( My grandfather's 12 siblings all died of heart failure before they were 50. My mum had several heart attacks). I'm the sort of person who needs to know details of why and how and what if , so what I did was ask my lovely GP to explain it all to me which helped massively. You could ask for counselling if that's your sort of thing but there is a long wait; maybe ask the rehab people for advice or suggestions. CBT doesn't work for me. I need information and details to be able to cope with things. I still h ave worries because they found two more blockages not yet bad enough to stent so I'm left wondering if they've got worse so at the slightest pain or stress I react unconsciously. It's that subconscious feeling of vulnerability.
Thanks for your story, I'm glad you are echoing similar experiences, I'm not going mad! Similarly my father had a massive heart attack in his early 50s which is where I am now so my paranoia is both heightened and justifiable. Likewise there was suggestion of other areas that may need attention later on, but when us that? How will I know? Do I need to have another cardiac event in order to get anything looked at again?I agree, I think there is a subconscious voice that speaks up over every little thing that feels out of place and that's where the anxiety takes over.
What you are feeling, especially after your father is perfectly normal. My husband has similar worries since his dad died suddenly when my husband was just 15. He's been terrified of getting lung cancer ever since. The problem occurs when that worry takes over normal life and affects your relationships and work. You need to find whatever will be the best help for you, whether it's talking to a stranger and CBT or getting an good explanation or even just talking to those w ho are most affected and explaining why you react like that. That's probably the most difficult thing to do. No one likes to admit their worries but you've made the first step coming on here. Have you considered talking to the BHF nurses? They have lots of advice and are really helpful.
0808 802 1234 (freephone). The Helpline is open weekdays 9am to 5pm*. or you can chat online; link is on bhf.org.uk/informationsuppo...
You have been through quite a bit with your spine and then a cardiac event and for so many it would have an affect on them so I am not surprised it has caught up with you
When we have a heart attack it can leave us with all sorts of emotions and feelings and covering them up really does not help as you have found out
Sometimes we are angry , tearful , fearful , lose confidence and so much more it is a life changing event we have just been through
I think cbt would be a great idea and I also think been honest and telling people how you feel and forget this take things on the chin we have moved on now from that
Yep, I hear you. I'm a bit behind you in my journey since my own cardiac event (early Aug), but I recognise so much of what you say and have no idea about how to phase my return to work as a self-employed person. Clients and colleagues keep saying "It's great to see you getting better" whilst not really understanding that I have an underlying disease which won't ever get better. It's tough to ignore those comments and not get worn down by them.
You have been through heck of a lot, and whilst other people may fall into the trap of seeing the physical you coming back to work, this can put additional pressure on us to try and be "normal" (whatever "normal" is). People see the external us, trying to carry on, but they have no idea what is going on inside our heads nor how we are dealing with the shock or trauma of what has happened.
Don't be ashamed if you are experiencing irrational responses to stress or pressure. I get it. A lot of people here will understand you as they have also experienced cardiac events. I am fortunate that I have some incredibly caring people around me who are trying to understand how I feel. But with the greatest respect, unless you've actually experienced a cardiac event first-hand, I don't think you can really, fully understand how it feels mentally.
I salute the fact that you are speaking up and recognising the challenges that you have described. That's such a crucial step. This shows courage, rather than you hiding and pretending there is no issue. And yes, perhaps you'd benefit from some additional support which definitely includes speaking to people on here. 🙂 I've found that sharing my experiences and hearing from others is really empowering.
Remember, you've already had a lot of expert help with your physical health. The mental side can be easily overlooked. Both have taken a hit.
I am just starting my CBT journey, which I am looking forward to working through to help me in the long term. Generally, I feel good about my recovery, but every few days, BOOM! I crash mentally. And it can be triggered by the tiniest of things.
Keep talking about how you feel, especially with those who are close to you. This is so important and will help them understand how best to support you. And, of course, post here and ask more questions, if it helps.
100% with you on that mental crash. I'm trying to study for an exam off the back of a training course and right now, nothing is sticking. Maybe the next day it will but I can't be sure. Luckily my family understand and I've known my boss a long time and once explained, he's starting to get it too.
I found it difficult returning to work as well. I'd always been someone who thrived under stress but not after my stents. I was very lucky in that my MD gave me a laptop and a work phone so I could sometimes work from home. I was also management (finance) but could always be contacted. It was just less stressful being out of a busy office sometimes. Is this a possibility for you, even for a short while?
Mental health issues post surgery are really common. I was lucky enough to have been referred to a Clinical Psychologist pre surgery and my appointments carried on for about 7 months after. She recognised that I was suffering from PTSD, as my surgery didn't go totally as planned and I needed a second op 2 weeks later.
Without her support I'm not sure how I'd be doing now, as even with it I still have days when the full impact of what I've been through literally takes my breath away..
If you have access to any counselling via your employers I would highly recommend, otherwise see if your GP could refer you
Going home on the bus I was worried in case I’d have a cardiac event , I had some meds changed as researching them one had some negative mental affects. It took a good while at one stage I asked my cardiologist how long have I left.
In general their is very little mental support.
Buy 4 years on I’m still here and getting on with life.
That’s what you need todo get on with life. New job?
Thank you for this I needed to see this today help my realise a few things
I’ve been feeling like this for a few weeks now and have been on and off for a few years, I’ve never really felt with anything that’s happened to me I’ve just pushed it aside and pretend it wasn’t there.
Context
I’m 29 I’ve had two heart attacks last one being Christmas morning. I have a ICD fitted which in its self poses a lot of difficulties
It’s sore a lot of the time
I can’t lie on my left side for long
If I over stretch it hurts for days etc
And throughout this I’m constantly reminded that I should be grateful as it saved my life (and I am) but my mental state dips from time to time to the point where I’ve self harmed and want to end it all (sounds so childish now) my mum has the same condition as I do and she’s 56 so had a long life filled with challenges and my sister passed away with it
Anyway back to the point
I struggle a lot but I have a lot of things to be thankful for my partner is always there when I need it as well as his family and mine
I when I’m feeling low I turn to my best friend who somehow always knows how to cheer me up
And that’s my point
Find someone outside your house hold who you trust more than anyone and talk things through with them
Having someone to turn to when you feel low is extremely important and will help you to regulate
Being stressed and snapping is your minds way of telling you you need to release your frustration and talk about your emotions.
I was also brought up in a house hold of get up and deal with it so I understand the difficulties that come with that and wish you all the best with finding ways to regulate yourself so your over all mood doesn’t negatively impact the people you care about
I’m so sorry to read your story. You poor thing, you must have felt so low, alone and at your saddest point when you were self harming. Plus you have the pain of the ICD. You seem so young at 29 to be going through all of this but unfortunately health events don’t seem to care how old you are and just come for us.
I’m sorry that you lost your sister, that must have been just awful, sad and very difficult for both you and your poor mum. I understand that losing a child is the most hardest grief to deal with. So when you’re at a low and unhappy point, remember you can’t do this to your poor mum, she needs you. You need each other. You sound very fortunate (although I know when you feel so low you don’t always take into account all the people who like and love you) but you sound like you have a loving partner and a fabulous best friend who need you too. Although you may hide your fear and sadness from them, you do probably need a bit more help on the mental health side as you don’t want this to get worse. If it’s any consolation, when I had my heart attack, the cardiologist told me “not that you want anything to go wrong, but if it’s going to, you want it to be your heart as we can patch it up, fix it and send you back out” he did also advise me that so much research has been done on hearts and we’ve come a long way with how they can save us, Although I’m sure you still wonder in that case why your sister died. I can’t answer that one. But for you, if you’re having pain with the ICD, please speak to your GP and tell them about everything you have spoke about on here. Once they know what you are going through I’m sure they will offer both help with ICD (perhaps refer you back to cardiology) and with the mental health side, offer some kind of help. Did your cardiac nurse give you her ‘phone number as sometimes after speaking to them, they can often put your mind at rest (I know mine did). I also saw a mental health nurse who worked at our doctors surgery once a week for 8 weeks so it does vary depending what area you’re in but I would suggest starting with a GP you like, build up a bit of a relationship with them and they will look hopefully look after you. You could also ring the BHF nurses for help and guidance. But Matty-green, please believe me, the low points pass and are temporary. Get a hug from your partner and speak to your mum. She has probably protected you from how she feels over the years as you’re still her baby - no matter what age you are! But what you’re going through, she has probably gone through herself too, share your experience if you can as she has walked in your shoes and if she knew how scared you felt she would probably just want to wrap her arms around you. So do speak to her if you can. Take care and I hope you get all the help and support you can. Good luck lovely fellow hearty ❤️🧚🏼♀️ xxx
I can relate to what you are going through you have been through a lot and have probably put a brave face on things. Maybe you went back to work too quickly and your employer failed to put any adjustments in place for you. Could you maybe talk to your employer and tell them how you are feeling and see if they could take the pressure off you a little?
I haven’t returned to work yet as not finished rehab yet but am going to make sure it’s nit too soon, my employer has not made any contact with me since my heart attack and I have just found out that there was a job in my team that would have given me promotion but they didn’t even bother to tell me about it. That is starting to play with my mental health but has made me realise you are only a number and they were quite happy to put me under a huge amount of stress and allow me to work 10-12 hour days but now I am if no use they don’t care.
I've drawn a line early on and highlighted how I am not going to bust a gut any more, risking my health isn't worth it. There's highs and lows at work, one particular low had me nearly quitting. I'm not going there again and since my heart attack, that's been reinforced. I'm lucky to have a supportive immediate family who will back me if things cone to a head at any time. I hope you can find a way to manage your work down to a sensible level and ensure security too.
Hi Neph - everything you say is understandable - I’m 4 weeks post op and I’m progressing well fitness wise - I’m mentally strong and tend to trivialise ‘big / life’ events to rationalise them and put them in perspective - for example, I went to a coffee morning with our local ‘Cardiac Friends’ group and when asked how the op went my response was ‘no big deal - it was like having a hair cut’ - they all laughed etc but I guess it’s a bit of a defence mechanism (I’m no psychologist) - on the bigger picture, as other posts have said, you’ve been through an enormous event and I think you need to give yourself a break - you can feel sorry for yourself in short periods as long as it doesn’t become the norm - I’ve given myself until 1/1/2024 to fat back to normal both physically and mentally (15 week post op) and then until 31st Marsh to get to feeling like I’m 25 again (I’m 59) - I will get there but it takes time - give yourself the time and monitor where you are each day - I’m learning new ‘stuff’ about myself each day so that’s a positive. Give yourself and don’t beat yourself up, it’s not like you’ve just been for a hair cut!
Hi there you have nothing to apologise for you have been through a lot yourself.
I had a HA Feb 2022 long story short couldn’t fit a stent so a same day bypass it was, I done the Cardio, my work place was fabulous I work from home ( I’m in administration) 30hrs a week, I do get tired some days but feel I cope, fitness wise I do utube keep fit exercise and walk regularly 4 times a week between 3-5 miles
It was my mental health that took a battering I was not in a good place thought I could get through it because I’ve always been a strong person, I didn’t want tablets but what I did do that was a game changer for me was ask for help I went to see a psychologist seen her for about 8 months and for the first 5 months all I seemed to do was cry, but what I did learn was coping techniques some good some not so good, I still use these to help me now when I feel my anxiety is raising.
Please ask for help from your doctor there is some great people out there that will be able to help you, be honest and open with them.
Having my first talk with someone 24th of this month 13 months on from heart attack & stent fitted.
like you I have been used to kicking my self up backside & getting on with it, (55 years old) but time has come to seek some outside help, back to full fitness nearly, but head is still all over the place.
Run my own business & was working 1 week after op, stupid thing to do, needed time to realise what had happened, but still trying to sort that out now.
You are not alone, go get some help, my family has told me straight,
You have done well and usually we do cope at the time it’s the afterwards that anxiety and fears set in.At first your on a bit of a high that you survived now it’s waiting for something elsa.
It’s time to call on your friends or close relatives for a bit of pampering.You need support to gain confidence for the future.With time you will get back to your usual self but it’s early days.
Acceptance also takes time.Your GP sounds in tune, be open ,good luck and I hope you get the support we all need at times.
So sorry to read your story. We sound like we have done our events back to front as I had the heart attack, completed the rehab exercise programme, went on my merry way, overdid it and injured my back - slipped disc and so much nerve pain down my leg leaving me unable to walk no more than 1km so back surgery has been mentioned but I don’t really want to go through it if I can help it due to not only the risks that come with it but now my heart!
So I’m glad to hear that your back surgery was successful but sorry to hear about the heart event and everything that comes with it. You can’t win can you?
You’re right and there are so many stories are on this forum about how we are fixed physically but not mentally. You’ve had so many great responses and advice so far. I would just ask, do you have an occupational health advisor at work? Perhaps your work can off some kind of emotional support. But whatever you do, remember work will still be there when you’re not there - you must come first. Please speak to your GP to find out what help is in your area and remember how you feel is absolutely normal following such a scary event but time does heal and you will gain confidence in time and with the right help. Take care and good luck ❤️🧚🏼♀️ xxx
Sorry to hear of your anxieties, and sympathise from my own experience. What helped me was trying to enjoy every moment as much as I could, andignore possible futures.
What a great post. 6 months post 4x bypass and everyone says how good I look and you are recovering well. I always say you need 10 minutes in my head. Whole thing has been a shock to me and the anxiety and hyper vigilance is the the. Toughest part for me anyway. I don’t have the answers but loads of people on here do have some invaluable input. I went to the docs who offered tablets which I declined. I just speak it out to all who listen. I think this can’t evaluated just now but refreshing this post will maybe allow people to reflect on their own progression.
I’m so glad you relayed your concerns which in turn shall hopefully help us all.
Are there any ongoing Cardiac Rehab classes near you? I heard about one at my local gym and got the hospital to give me a referral to it. We have to pay, but the comfort of having a trained nurse to supervise activities and, at our group, a chat over coffee afterwards, helps a lot with anxiety.
Yep there are but I need to factor them with work as they are vague on what they will and won't accommodate. There's evening ones too but I'm normally too tired by then to rouse myself. I think you're right, I need to get back in there one way or another. Cheers!
I understand that with a heart issue we are classed as having a disability under the equalities act so your employer should make reasonable adjustments for you and allowing you a couple of hours off to attend a rehab class is not to much to ask.
I had triple heart bypass 4 months ago. This was at fairly short notice no heart attack always been healthy active and fit. I researched everything prior to the op and expected some after effects but not to the extent I have had. I have had mood swings so many tears for absolutely no reason which is not me. I had delirium after the op for 2 or 3 weeks and exhaustion which still continues but is lessening. I have just gone back to work it has been challenging but has taken the focus off my heart. The challenge now is coming to terms with something I never thought would happen. The frustration of limitations such as not training (at the moment). The worst thing is although I can make some lifestyle changes I have been told my heart disease is genetic as my father and his five brothers all died form heart disease in their 50’s, however I put that down to their lifestyle drinking smoking poor diet etc. What we have been through is massive, as soon as you touch the heart it has major affects on the rest of your body and mind. Because heart surgery is common place I think it is trivialised, although thankfully it is common place and so much more advanced it is still a major operation whether invasive or not and not to be underestimated. All your experiences are normal and will improve. I wish you well.
Hey there. you said you were back at work after the cardiac event but you didn't mention the exercise had started after it. Can I ask if you have started exercising again?
I had stents 2 fitted and after that, I found exercise was the thing that kept me sane. It was where I had space in my head to let the thoughts flow come to the surface hang about and then subside when the next one appeared. It's where I was able to see it clearly and then give myself a talking-to as appropriate. Then when the exercise is done the elation is a buzz that lasts a while.
I won't hide I have had other heart issues since and now have an ICD but still back out running or I would have gone mad. I still take the happy tablets too as I have been pretty down about it too but still I find the mood lift from a run is much better than the meds alone.
I decided that this was a reminder that life is too short and I want to get maximum joy out of it. I want the memories of me to be with a smile on my face laughing and joking.
Just keep looking , I hope you find what works for you.
Hey Baymax_Dad. I was doing well with 2-3 good walks a week plus I try and swim 2-3 times a week. Recent weeks I've lost the impetus and it's a real struggle to get going. I think I need to get back on self funded extra classes and get back in with others I can talk to face to face. How to get work to understand is another challenge!
Hi I,m now ten years on from byepass. I work in a manual job . The feelings of anxiety get less but never leave. I work for a huge firm but they have to be reminded that I m 59 and have had byepass.
Occupational health have been brilliant
I try and focus on positive things in life ie family , travel etc
Avoid arguments anything at all the fetches up you stress level or blood pressure.
If you have heart desease then there's no way back . Enjoy what you have and take a breath. I truly hope you are able to settle your thoughts . Share them
I can totally relate to this, 6months post stent. You feel a bit lost and un informed. I’ve had quite a few visits to A&E with what turned out to be panic attacks.
Since the event, I now struggle to cope with anything too stressful. Which manifests itself in chest pain. I also decided not to medicate my anxiety , as I thought I could cope. A week ago I started to take Mirtazipine, which has taken the edge off the anxiousness. It has worked well so far and is not addictive.
According to a lot of people that have been through similar, it does get better.
I have found that the more information you have about you own health, the more confident you will be that everything is good.
I’m still not the same person as I was but I’m getting there and so will you.
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