A one legged pirate was cast adrift in a lifeboat, along with his parrot. In desperation he rummaged around and found a scruffy old mucky lantern. The glass was covered with grime so got a bit of old sailcloth and started to rub it. In a puff of smoke a genie appear . "Ok I'm busy, times is hard , you get one wish", he said. the Pirate didn't hesitate ."An ocean of rum " he shouted. The Genie clicked his fingers and vanished. A lovely oily sea of rum appeared.
The parrot got extremely angry. " You stupid pirate" he shouted. He really was not happy, " now we'll have to pee in the boat".
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Ianc2
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I'm continuously on this forum reading jokes and my wife is getting upset. Actually right now as I'm typing she is shouting something about I must chose between her and this forum.
So hold on. I'll be back with a joke in a minute. Just want to pack a bag and phone an Uber for her.
Stalled totally! I am confined to a small room with ensuite toilet and basin (sadly no shower) as there have been four positive CovID tests. Being brought food, drink and meds by people in full PPE! Being a one legged pirate I might get a parrot and write a "Birdman of ..." book! 🐦🐧🕊️🦅🦆🦢🦉🦩
So sorry to read your post, it’s great that your sense of humour is still there. Hope you get out of your little room soon! Life sometimes is a bit of a pig. 🐖shouldn’t have said that seeing as I have a pigs valve!
Now those two comments makes me wonder if being in that tiny room is making you stir crazy😂though I thought them hilarious, glad your sense of humour is still going strong.😉
I remember i went to s disco in the 60s as I walked in this gorgeous girl rolled her eyes at me,
So I picked them up and trolled them back.
Also I was an actor in the 60s my agent rang me and said, I have a part for you in the West End ,
£5,000 per week playing Long John Silver you start next Tuesday, I replied for £5,000 pound a week I'll start on Monday, he said you'll be having your leg off on Monday.
I must be honest I nicked the joke from an old retired pirate who used to prowl along Porthcawl seafront. He used to disguise himself as a Scotsman, with full regalia, Kilt , Bagpipes, Tartan cloak and white woolly socks. Every day he would parade up and down and the sit on a bench and play away to his hearts content and people would smile at him and throw money in his bonnet.
He would keep a careful eye on his cash and when he judged that there was sufficient he would gather himself up, and blast out 'Scotland the brave ' as he nipped round the corner into the pub for a pie and a pint.
He would regale the entire pub with stories about his days when he roamed the Spanish main. One of his favourite tales was how he lost his arm and a leg. We all thought it was to do with his dental bills, but he insisted it was when he was cast adrift in a small boat in the middle of an ocean of Rum.
One his mates, a chap called Morgan came across this wonderful
sea and started pumping it on board his ship. "I'm rich.. I'm rich " he shouted. Bad mistake. A HM revenue cutter came out of the mist
" There's tax to pay on that" they shouted, and started firing red hot cannon balls at Morgan. They were rotten shots and one of their red hot cannon balls landed on the pirate, burnt his leg off, and ruined his hand as he chucked it over the side, where it nearly set the sea on fire.
To cut a long story short his mate picked him and took him back home. Likely story we thought. "What about your eye " we shouted. He fingered has eyepatch. "Ah yes ", he said. "I got zapped in the eye by a flying lump of seagull crap." There were snorts of derision, that doesn't take your eye out, etc, etc. The pirate held his hand up and showed off his lovely stainless steel hooked . "Reflex action ", he said. "I rubbed it out of my eye. I forgot about the hook".
Being in a small room is'nt good for you. Draw a line down the middle to halve it. Then have an imaginary friend in the other half. Just don't play poker and loose all your marbles! Just for your information and brand of humour, in the rehab hospital in Birmingham for veterans the saying is. that if it's a BKA Then if is only a flesh wound. I take my hat ofc to any amputee no matter the severity, they all have great resilience, and a Sense of humour goes a lomy way to assisting recovery and a great coping mechanism. Forces humour is pretty dark and of every bodies cup of tea, but by and large it has to be it's a safety valve that's used in some very stressful and harrowing situatio22nd. Stay safe out there all and keep smiling.
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Castleview back under another name 
Everything taste awful - like vinegar!
Another day
