The following veggie joke was voted best one liner at the Edinburgh Fringe this year:
I keep shouting Broccoli and Cauliflower at people. They think I have Florets! 🌝
Top Joke at Edinburgh Fringe - British Heart Fou...
Top Joke at Edinburgh Fringe
MichaelJHHeart Star
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MichaelJH
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61 Replies
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I heard this earlier, I love this joke, the simple ones are the best. I loved a previous winner from Tim Vine, he sold the hoover, it was just collecting dust!! Brilliant.
Do you not think this joke insensitive to people with torrets because I certainly do Xxx
Oh dear and I heard it on BBC Radio:
As a diabetic since childhood I have had to put up with some awful jokes like:
What is the favorite singing group of diabetics?
The BG’s. (BG = blood glucose)
😁
P.S. Not even a Bee Gees fan?
How can you not be a Bee Bees fan!!! Don't they use the staying alive tune for CPR training?
Apparently Queen's "Another One Bites the Dust" had the correct BPM:
For your portfolio Michael, skip the first bit just go straight to the jokes news.sky.com/story/funniest...
That or the Archer's theme tune
Now I'm never gonna be able to sleep with all these tunes playing in my head!! Still they'll drown out the voices I guess!! 😂
Went to the doctor and told him I keep hearing voices in my head. He asked me if I recognised the voices and I told him it was always Barry Gibb
He said "Don't worry - it's just the jive talking".
Ok, that one has me laughing out loud!
I think it is brilliant I also think it is about time people stopped being so sensitive The way things are going in a few years time humour will have died out altogether That will be a very boring scenario I will blame the namby pamby so called liberals
Have a nice day and a laugh if you can
Regard Chris
Really???? I’m sure people with Tourette’s have a sense of humour . Everyone is so caught up in PC these days, you can’t say anything????
Couldn't agree more with your comment. Roy
At the risk of offending another group the runner up was pretty good too.
2.”Someone stole my antidepressants. Whoever they are, I hope they’re happy” – Richard Stott
And offending the Prime Minister and half his cabinet-
10. “I’ve got an Eton-themed advent calendar, where all the doors are opened for me by my dad’s contacts” – Ivo Graham
Had a good laugh with the antidepressants joke!
What do we want?
A cure for Tourettes.
When do we want it?
B*ll***$!!!
We must not let those without a sense of humour shout us down -)
in reply to christina1947
Yes I agree. It is no joke coping with Tourette's
If it makes you feel any better, I have a friend with Tourette's and he laughed then said he wished he could say broccoli and cauliflower rather than his usual, erm, sayings. He also ticks, not sure he would find joking about the ticking funny, but again, he did enjoy the broccoli joke.
in reply to christina1947
I know people with torrets and they're fine with it.
There is too much looking for misery in the world, let's try and stick to looking for the good and happy?
If we didn’t laugh we’d cry. Correctness has gone mad, people are far too touchy. I live alone and always say time for bed says Zebedee, I’ve just had a intelligent conversation with a pigeon on my bird table. Oh dear ,there are men in white coats at the front door!
my fave line since being diagnosed is " I still have my sense of tumour" - I do try to get it in when I can - even my cancer nurse laughed
A tourrets charity has asked for an apology. Sorry but I think it is getting ridiculous as a nation we need to be able to laugh at ourselves a bit more. The chicken box knife free issue is another thing. I see that as a small step to increase awareness amongst youngsters 14-24, the main group using take away chicken outlets but no, the chip on the shoulder brigade want to play the race card and also take offence. Add in to that the VW and Philadelphia cheese adverts that have been withdrawn I am just flabbergasted at how oversensitive we have all become.
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I totally agree - I feel it sows division - probably what its supposed to do. A fragmented populace is one which is easy to control.
Indeed you should laugh at yourself more as you suggest, but I also think you should confine your opinions to heart related matters only and not extend to your opinion on gender or racial stereotyping. I feel you really do need to educate yourself on matters of equality; Its easy to shut down valid claims of racism by using the "race card" expression as if the target had no valid claim.
I need to educate myself, how pompous. I also need to confine myself to hear related matters? So why have you singled me out? There are several postings that have no heart related content.
In this case I do not believe the chicken box is racist by intent or accident and therefor claims that are made that it is such are spurious and certainly not valid. That is of course my opinion, which I am entitled to. If you choose to debate that please do however please do not make it personal by saying I require educating.
I 'singled you out' because you specifically went beyond a general discussion about humour, florets/tourettes for example and moved into an area that I found offensive e.g about equality. I am sorry you found my comment about "educating yourself" pompous, it was not intended to be so but a sincere suggestion that you question and research or consider the impact of your statements of 'race cards' and 'chip on the shoulder brigade'. I am sure I am not the only 'minority' that finds these types of statements troubling.
I happily agree that you are "entitled to your opinion" but are you sure this is the best forum to make these points?
It simply followed on from 1. A charity asking for an apology for the topic to 2. Criticism for an initiative to reduce knife crime, a very serious issue (and I am well aware of the disparaging comments relating to Chicken and watermelon in the US), but in this case I believe there was zero racial intent, a specific group was targeted 14-24 year olds and subsequently pounced on by "the offended" and 3. Two excellent adverts which were withdrawn.
A similar vein weaves through all of these and additionally several others have been critical of oversensitivity within this thread. I actually believe it has gone far too far and needs to be addressed, everyone, even more so in public life has to be so careful as to not make the slightest slip up in case it gets misconstrued. If I sit back and say nothing and everyone else says nothing we will reach a point where we have no comedy, no comedians, no adverts etc as it seems you cannot say anything without offending.
Yawn
Very grown up.
Just bored with your third retelling of the same views that caused me to comment in the first place.
I was trying to explain the link between the threads however you clearly prefer to jump on people as being racist and uneducated and not prepared to listen to them defending themselves.
Oh Dear, further to my earlier post, I have only just realised it’s Tuesday and not Monday!
I'd like to know what you said to the pigeon & his reply! ! 😂
He said 'Coo I didn't know that '
😂 😂, of course he did, what else could he have said 😂
😂
As funny as “ I can’t draw, — am I in art failure” ?
Didn't think it funny the first time I heard it and even after many many re-tellings still don't think it 's funny. Now Tim Vine is very funny with his one-liners
Lezzers in reply to
I have seen Tim Vine live, he really is so funny, the pencil behind the ear is classic. If you've not seen him & get the opportunity to do so i would so recommend it.
in reply to Lezzers
It was very funny. My favourite Tim Vine one liner is :
Uncle Ben has died. No more Mr. Rice guy.
Don't know why but that one hit the spot 
MichaelJHHeart Star
This joke is taking on a life of its own on the radio this morning - definitely a Marmite joke going slightly yeastwards!
I will not post the 2016 winner!
The heart one ? Nothing wrong with that.
My dad has suggested that I register for a donor card. He’s a man after my own heart
Very good 😉
Nice one!!!
I was walking down the High Street the other day with my partner and we walked right past the perfumery. OMG she said, that smells beautiful. I felt very guilty as I had forgotten her birthday earlier in the month so I thought, what the heck, she deserves a treat so we turned around and I walked her past it again. 😂😂😂
That did make me laugh out loud 😂
MichaelJHHeart Star
Vampires are scared of veggies. No garlic, no broccoli and no cauliflower!
The best 'Fringe' one a few years back...
When I die, I would like it to be nice and peaceful whilst I am asleep, like my uncle Jim. Not screaming in terror like his passengers.
MichaelJHHeart Star
It must be daunting being a comedian these days! In MOTD Gary Linekar commented "Is a strong start to the premier league season. Real hair-raising stuff at times… unless you’re Alan Shearer and Danny Murphy.” His co-presenters (both follicly challenged) just chuckled. Now though formal complaints have been made about "baldism". I imagine Christmas Cracker manufacturers will be panicking! ☹️
Always enjoy your comments and helpful advice!
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