Time for a bit of lightheartedness as things are going a bit pear shaped at the moment.
Here's a few starters:
Anesthetist: Sir, have you had an ECG? Patient: Yes, I think it was OK as it wasn't flat!
Nurse with CD drug: Name and date of birth?
Patient: I will just check my wrist band!
Nurse: Are you drinking enough?
Patient: I am afraid not! Where's the bar?
A merry heart doeth good like a medicine proverbs 17:22
Husband: Call ambulance, fast ! I am having heart attack...
Wife ( Took his mobile ) : Quick! Tell me the password !
Husband : It's ok ! I am feeling better now
A proverb - There is a time to laugh and a time to cry. But to laugh while using a website for those very sick and some dying requires input from some courageous enough to add the humour. Bless you, I really needed the laugh today 😆
Don't lie when having an X-ray or scan. They will see right through you! 😁
Thanks guys what a good start to the morning 😁😁🌈 x
They expect long delays in radiology today as they only have a skeleton staff! 😁
😆
The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
True story:-
In hospital, it is the custom for nurses to write basic information about patients which are stuck on cards above the bed. They will write:
A. The person's Christian name.
B. A short summary by acronym of their medical problem in case they needed urgent attention. e.g. CVA for Cerebrovascular Accident, MI for Myocardial Infarction, etc.
When I was in hospital I was on a mixed ward and across from me was a lady called Maria, who was being monitored forTransient Ischaemic Attack.
On the information card above her bed some wit of a nurse wrote, Tia Maria.
I knew my marriage was in trouble that night I had a heart attack, the missus used a 2nd class stamp when she wrote for an ambulance!
Nice one Michael. Hope you're doing ok. 😆😆 xxx
Lol 😂
How do your address a nurse?
I greeted a nurse with:
"Hello Gorgeous"
She was particularly charming, friendly (and competent) and had been my appointed nurse the previous day... and shebeamed with approval.
...but this was at shift changeover, within earshot of about half-a-dozen other nurses... and on of them said:
"Aren't we all goureous"
So I quickly explained that I had already met her.
Thinking about it later I thought I should have said:
"Yes, of course you are all gorgeous... form an orderly queue and you can each have a hug!"
I have told this before but it makes me smile. When admitted for heart failure I was in the same ward, same bed frequently used by my husband in heart failure. I also had the same consultant who was quite pompous. He swished the curtains back with his group of eager juniors pens ready waiting his first words which were "nurse someone has made a mistake" as he thrust the file backwards. He tried to regain composure as the nurse explained that this was Mrs not Mr. He obviously had spent a good amount of time reviewing the file without looking at the name. That was shortest consult I ever had!
NHS broken before pandemic
Takotsubo Cardiomyopathy 
"Order placed outside of Patient Access" - huh?
Back in hospital, ectopic beats and chest discomfort.
Heart disease - disability act
